


Fusion

by AllTimePhan73



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Autism, Autistic Keith (Voltron), Emotional Manipulation, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Homesickness, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Murder, Overstimulation, Past Child Abuse, Resurrection, Slow Burn, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2020-09-24 00:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 53,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20349427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73
Summary: As a brand new paladin of Voltron and brave defender of the universe, Keith's life had changed drastically. Stumbling across the blue lion was enough to turn his entire life upside down, especially since it removed all familiarity and routine from his life. All he wants to do is find a secure routine and stick to it to avoid all chances of having a meltdown. Surrounded by new people and keeping a large fraction of himself secret from his new team, Keith needs to figure out how to get by.That's proven difficult when he encounters his first obstacle: space goo. The texture was all gooey and sticky; it stuck to Keith's teeth in a way that had him picking it out for hours. He hated it. Living in space sure wasn't going to be easy.TW: Murder, anxiety, sort of manipulation and a whole lot of death. It's a fun ride, kids :)





	1. Chapter 1

Keith was one human cross Galra who, in comparison to the Castle of Lions, was minuscule. There were so many different rooms and hiding places that meant, at any given time, it was next to impossible to find all of the paladins at once. They could be anywhere from the multiple training rooms or kitchens to the extensive libraries or dormitories. It was any child's dream location for a game of hide and seek with countless options for hiding places that could make the game last forever. Keith liked it because he could be alone. When he felt an oncoming meltdown, he could easily hide himself away in one of the desolate storage rooms so he could brood and not have to interact with anyone. It made it so much easier to hide the discomfort that constantly ate at him, waiting for its moment to drop a load of emotion on him to cause a meltdown.

One of the drawbacks of travelling in a cool spaceship with cool aliens was the food. It wasn't like Keith could go to one of the space malls and ask for a bag of Cheetos (as much as he wanted to). That left Keith and his fellow paladins with a delicacy Lance had coined 'space goo'. Exactly as the name implied, it was runny and sticky, just like goo. The consistency reminded Keith of porridge; something Keith detested even thinking about. It made his stomach flip and tempted the rise of bile in his throat, though that was a feeling Keith's words couldn't sufficiently describe.

Once Keith realised the goo was all he had as a means of energy up in space, he tried it. He sat down in the dining room in between Lance and Allura with a bowl of the stuff in front of him. If the many foster homes he had lived in had taught him anything, it was that he needed to hide when he felt the first signs of a meltdown coming. As Keith stared into the green goo (it looked like something that belonged in his nose), all he wanted to do was run but he didn't. Instead, he gripped his Altean cutlery and scooped it up. Lance was right beside Keith, eating the goo as if it really was a bag of Cheetos. If he could do it, so could Keith. Lance always made the point to make everything a competition so Keith tried, deciding he was going to 'beat' Lance at dinner.

Trembling hands lifting the goo towards his mouth, Keith thinned his eyes into a glare. Forget Zarkon and the Galra, his worst enemy was a bowl of goo. The spoon edged towards his mouth and, for a brief second, Keith thought he could do it. He closed his eyes and imagined he was running towards a Galra with his sword in his hand, the food the enemy. All he needed to do was eat it and then the intergalactic battle would be over and he would be victorious in his rivalry with Lance. His lips locked around the utensil but, as soon as the goo hit his tongue, he wanted it OUT.

It was too smooth; too soft. He couldn't chew it and it gathered on his teeth like the disgusting toffees some of his foster grandparents used to give him from the bottom of their handbags. They always tasted so warm and gross that Keith felt obliged to spit them out as soon as he could. Keith dropped his spoon and excused himself from the table. He had to get it out. He had to get it out. _He had to get it out_. As soon as Keith was safe in the bathroom, he spat it out. Without thinking much, Keith grabbed his toothbrush and scrubbed at his tongue, just so he could get every last bit of the goo out.

He hated the texture. He liked a _crunch_ or something he could actually chew without getting it all in his teeth. He didn't like anything that stuck to his teeth.

After that day, Keith decided food goo wasn't for him which created an abundance of issues.

Firstly, the questions. Keith knew it was better to lie about how he felt. Back in the foster homes, if Keith had had a meltdown or even mentioned something making him uncomfortable, he'd have been kicked out. Either that or they'd hurt him. That just made everything a million times worse and Keith hated it. So, when Hunk asked why he never showed up to meals, Keith lied. He was quite good at lying. It was a skill he once didn't understand but had acquired over the years. Practice did, after all, make perfect.

It was okay for a while. Keith trained regularly, usually opting to practice alone so he couldn't be bothered by any of the other paladins. The training room tended to trigger overstimulation and that was why he preferred being a lone wolf: no one could see him amidst a meltdown. The lights flashed; there were so many sounds ranging from the _shing_ of Keith's sword to the voiceover and then there was all the pain that came with a fight. Keith was an expert at keeping his guard up but it was inevitable that the training bot would land a few hits.

After one particularly extensive training session, Keith was hurting. His ears were seemingly blaring from the noise; his eyes hurt from the light and each of his limbs ached. His body was tense like a statue and his head was pounding so much that the world seemed to spin around him. He needed to get out. Without even considering that the training bot was still active, he ran. If anyone had been around the training room when Keith made it to his room, they'd have heard it enter sleep mode due to inactivity.

Keith collapsed onto his bed but quickly scrambled up again once he realised his bed covers were too soft. It made his skin crawl, adding to the ache that was already there from training. He started to pace up and down but all his senses were on overdrive. He couldn't breathe. There was so much input from his senses so he didn't know what to focus on.

Curling in on himself on the floor, Keith just wanted to switch his brain off. His heart was thudding inside his chest; he was hyperventilating: the carpet was too soft against his feet; the Altean clock on his table was ticking much too loud... Where was the mute button? Was there a switch Keith could press to turn it off?

Keith wasn't sure how long he had sat there, rocking back and forth, but eventually, someone came to check on him.

"Hey, buddy, you're late to training and I thought you might've fallen asleep or forgotten or something." Keith looked up at Hunk through wide, tearful eyes. He looked like a frightened little kid- far from the brave defender of the universe Keith was meant to be. "Are you okay?" Keith's only response was to bury his head into his knees, unable to put his thoughts into words. He wanted to tell Hunk to go away and leave him alone because he didn't want anyone to see him like that. He had let his guard down and didn't want to risk anyone taking advantage of his moment of vulnerability like his foster parents had once upon a time.

A deep frown spread across Hunk's face, seemingly unnatural due to his bubbly nature. Realising Keith was digging his nails into his wrist so harshly that beads of blood were dripping down his pale skin, Hunk reached out to grab his arm. The attempt to stop Keith hurting himself was met with a prolonged groan from the red paladin. He sounded like he was in pain but Hunk couldn't see any visible signs of injury, besides the small cuts on his wrist from his nails.

"Uh... Keith? Are you... having a panic attack?" Hunk tried to guess what was going on in Keith's head due to his familiarity with panic attacks. He had suffered with them from a young age, being diagnosed with anxiety before he had even started middle school. Mentally, he created a checklist, checking off basic symptoms such as shortness of breath so he could approach the situation in the best way possible. He got onto his knees to meet Keith's height and attempted to murmur some calming words. That always helped Hunk when he was panicking as it let him know someone was there and everything was going to be okay. Panic attacks made him feel like he was on death's doorstep so it was important to reiterate that the world wasn't going to end and panic attacks didn't last forever.

It was when Keith didn't calm down and just continued to groan that Hunk realised he didn't know what was going on. "I- I have to get Shiro." He murmured, feeling guilty about leaving Keith but knowing he had to. Shiro was the closest person to Keith on the ship so, if anyone could help Keith, it was him. The pair had been rather discreet about their past together, keeping the details to a minimum, but Hunk knew they were so close that they may as well have been brothers. He took off in the direction of the training room, legs a blur beneath him as he hoped to get Keith help as soon as he could. He didn't even force out an explanation before grabbing Shiro's arm and pulling him in the direction of Keith's room.

As soon as Shiro's eyes laid upon Keith, his heart plummeted. "Keith?" He choked out, gesturing for Hunk to give Keith space by waving his arms. Hunk backed up into the doorway, watching as Shiro dealt with whatever was going on with Keith like an expert. Shiro spoke so quietly that Hunk was unable to tell what he was saying and each of his movements were slow and gentle. With a feather-like touch, he eased Keith's helmet off his head. It was almost like Keith couldn't breathe under it as he gulped in big breaths of air to fill up his lungs. "Hunk? Can you give us some privacy?" Shiro turned to Hunk with raised eyebrows, silently pleading.

"Oh, uh... yeah, sure. Is he okay though?" Hunk questioned, reluctant to leave Keith in such a state. He wanted to help his friend and be there for him; not feel like a useless bystander.

"He will be okay. I think he overstimulated himself." Shiro spoke as if it was obvious, eyes trained on Keith as he started to trace the tips of his fingers over Shiro's palm. Keith's face was scrunched up as he concentrated on the movement and it seemed like he was lost inside his own head. For someone who seemed so impulsive and angry all the time, the gentle touch seemed so out of character that Hunk wasn't sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him.

"Oh." Hunk didn't seem to understand (because he didn't) but didn't push it. He just shot Keith a sympathetic smile to let him know he was there for him and left them alone.

-

"I didn't realise it was this bad, Keith." There was something comforting about Shiro's soft voice; it was almost like a sedative. It wasn't as intruding as some of the other noises like the ones in the training room.

"It's been like this forever," Keith murmured, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. For someone who didn't live with autism, it was difficult to understand. Keith couldn't read Shiro's expression at all throughout his meltdown- both because he didn't get people and because all of his attention had been focused on the NOISE and the FEELING and the LIGHT. "Are you angry?"

Shiro furrowed his eyebrows into yet another unreadable expression. Keith couldn't tell whether it was anger or not but he didn't want to take the chance. Hands still flicking at the spinner he had in his pockets since Earth, he pulled himself up onto his feet so he could escape. His tongue felt heavy inside his mouth as he attempted to formulate some sort of excuse to _getoutgetoutgetout_.

Without contemplating his actions, Shiro laid a hand on Keith's shoulder. It was heavy and it made Keith's shoulder feel funny in a way that was difficult to explain. His breath hitched as he ducked away from the touch as if it was going to burn him. "Did anyone ever... help you after I left the Garrison? At home?"

"Yes," Keith answered honestly because they had told him they were helping him. They told him something about learning to suppress his 'tantrums' if he got punished for them; they being his foster parents. It made Keith extremely uncomfortable but they had told him over and over again that he needed to behave and stop seeking attention. "I can't make a big deal out of it. I have to internalise it."

Keith's words- along with the fact that he wasn't looking Shiro in the eye- hurt. Shiro felt guilty: as if it was entirely his fault that Keith hadn't received the help he needed throughout his life. He couldn't help but wonder if anything would be different if his foster parents had treated him properly, instead of taking advantage of his naivety. "That isn't right... There are things we can do to help prevent and predict meltdowns."

Blinking his eyes and sending Shiro a blank expression, Keith span his spinner. His eyes followed the plastic as it moved as if it was sending him into a trance. When he next spoke, he sounded like he was only half paying attention. "Meltdown?" The word felt foreign on Keith's tongue as he had never heard it anywhere before.

"Yes, Keith, _meltdown_. That's what it is called when you feel overwhelmed."

"Oh."

"What makes you feel overwhelmed? Maybe I could get Allura to change some things around the Castle to make you more comfortable."

Keith hadn't talked about it in detail before. He could vaguely remember his foster parents screaming at him when he refused to eat things of certain textures which always lead to him screaming back without realising. He could also remember telling some of his classmates back at the Garrison to stop chewing so loudly which- long story short- resulted in a trip to the nurse's office. Then there was the time Keith had gone shopping with one of his foster dads and been shouted at as soon as they got home because he refused to try anything on that was too scratchy. All in all, he had bad experiences of telling others how he felt.

"...Keith?"

"I'll survive." Keith wasn't lying but Shiro's expression remained the same, making Keith wonder if he had answered incorrectly.

"Keith-" Shiro was cut off by a knock on the door. It flew open to reveal Lance with a bashful grin on his face. He barely gave Shiro enough time to greet him before jumping into what he needed to say.

"You two need to come to dinner or I'm going to starve to death. Allura won't let us start eating until you're there. She had an announcement or something too." Lance explained, speaking at such as rapid pace that Shiro struggled to keep up and it went straight over Keith's head. Just as Lance went to turn around and head back to the dining room to eat, he froze and his eyes dropped to the fidget spinner in Keith's hand. The object was rotating innocently as Lance followed it, eyebrows furrowed as if he was trying to figure it out. "Where did you get that from?" Lance had one just like it back in his room so he was curious as to where Keith had gotten a hold of his, especially considering he didn't appear to have ADHD like Lance did.

"We should get to dinner." Keith avoided the question like an expert. He shoved his fidget spinner into his pocket before grabbing Shiro's hand and tugging him out the door. Whilst Lance glanced at their intertwined hands with an unreadable expression on his face, Shiro seemed unphased. Keith didn't think anything of it, just admiring how soft and warm Shiro's skin was.

Once they were all sat together around the table, Allura cleared her throat to gain everyone's attention. Lance groaned, rolling his eyes as he gripped onto his cutlery. All he wanted to do was eat; why did things keep getting in the way? Keith hadn't even glanced at his food so was more than happy to listen (he appreciated anything that postponed eating). "Pidge has created a device that allows her to track nearby Galra more efficiently. Based on our last encounter with Zarkon, I think we should expect an attack."

"Is that it?" Lance questioned, shoving a spoonful of goo into his mouth. "I thought it was an emergency. You made me starve for this?" His words came out muffled as a result of the food in his mouth that made his cheeks look like a chipmunk's.

"Don't speak with your mouth full." Keith said, mainly to deter any attention away from the fact that he wasn't eating. Lance sent Keith a thin glare, eating more of his goo.

"I assure you that it is important. We need to be prepared, Lance."

"To be prepared, I need to eat."

"You can survive around three weeks without food, although that depends on factors like your weight or height." Keith replied to Lance, turning to face him but avoiding eye contact. Keith's awareness of that fact was probably the sole reason he hadn't died of starvation. He hated eating the food goo but knew he had to eat at least a little bit of it every so often so his body could keep functioning.

"Know-it-all." Lance stuck his tongue out at Keith like a toddler, only encouraging Keith to huff and raise his eyebrows. Shiro turned to look at the pair, not at all surprised by their childish actions. Once he realised Keith didn't look threatened, he turned back to Allura, a grin on his face as he explained something to her.

"It is impossible to know-"

"Oh shut up, Keith. We get it, you know everything."

Keith didn't understand. Lance's words sounded nasty (he was telling him to shut up like his foster parents used to when he screamed) but Keith thought he and Lance were friends. Sure, they had the 'rivalry' going on but Shiro had assured him it was a joke. Keith turned to Shiro for help but Shiro was too engrossed in a conversation with Allura.

"No comeback, huh? I guess you're good at everything but comebacks."

"I'm going to go and train." Keith blurted out, pulling himself up and fleeing the room. When approached with an unfamiliar situation, it was usually best to run before anything drastic happened.

"Hey, man! It was just a joke!" Lance yelled after him but Keith was too far away to hear. All but one paladin failed to notice that Keith hadn't even touched his goo.


	2. Chapter 2

Anyone who was close enough to Keith knew he was fond of routine. He had a specific order he had to do things in or he grew agitated. Of course that didn't change when Keith went up into space. Keith liked to get up when the Altean clock struck six before getting dressed into his armour to work out. After training, he would shower and get into his every day clothes to relax before the rest of the team began training an hour or so later. He always did the steps in the same order and at roughly the same time. So, naturally, when Pidge come into Keith's room one morning, asking for his help, Keith didn't want to.

Of course, he didn't understand her pleading, desperate expression; nor did he get her huff. He just let her leave so he could return to his routine. So, when Shiro came to Keith's room and asked him what he had done to make Pidge mad, he couldn't answer: he didn't know.

Whilst Shiro asked an abundance of questions, Keith just stared ahead. At that moment, he should have been in the training room and he couldn't stop thinking about that. He had been fully prepped to leave when Shiro had interrupted him. He was in his suit which he already hated because it was tight and heavy with scratchy material. Keith much preferred his day clothes with his thin, soft fabric. It was light. Keith liked light. That was why Keith refused to wear his armour any longer than he needed to.

"Are you even listening?" Keith hadn't realised he had zoned out staring at Shiro's neck area until the question was raised. Then he blinked, eyes flickering up to meet Shiro's for about a millisecond. He tried to drink in his expression with his furrowed eyebrows, straight mouth and thin eyes but he couldn't read the emotion lying beneath it. It was like an open book with symbols for words that everyone could read but Keith.

"What did you say?" Keith murmured, leaning his head forward as if it would help him focus.

"I asked what you said to Pidge. She was angry earlier and said you refused to help her."

"I have to train." It was almost as if Keith expected Shiro to be able to read his mind. Shiro didn't know his routine so the statement seemed bizarre, random and out of place in the conversation. His eyebrows only furrowed further as he attempted to understand the red paladin's sporadic behaviour.

"Why is training relevant right now?"

When Keith didn't respond verbally and instead just shoved past Shiro, Shiro thinned his eyes and turned to follow the paladin with his gaze. He watched Keith race down the hall in his armour, wondering why Keith was acting so strangely. He didn't understand his love for a strict routine so none of it made much sense to him.

-

"You less moody now?" Pidge retorted as Keith walked into the training room. Each of the paladins stared at Keith was unreadable expressions, making his skin crawl. Their faces might as well have been blurred out to him. Keith didn't like not knowing what they were thinking, especially when he was the centre of attention so jumped at the first opportunity to deter the conversation away from him.

"Why are you all here so early?" Keith's voice shook as he stared at everyone's feet. As someone who hated eye contact, it had become easy to distinguish each person on Team Voltron by their shoes alone. Knowing everyone was still looking at him, his stomach flipped over and nausea washed over him like a wave. He turned his head and scrunched his eyes shut, swallowing thickly as he tempted the urge to vomit away.

"You're always here before anyone else so why does it matter if we train with you? Pidge wanted to test some updates she made to the bot anyway. She did try to tell you but you shut her down!" Lance replied, hands on his hips and head leaned forward. Usually Keith liked the sound of Lance's voice (more so than the other paladins') and could find solace in it but, at the moment, it seemed much too loud. The way Lance was holding himself reminded Keith of his foster parents and that was enough to make his heart beat a million miles faster, memories of screaming and pain flashing through his head.

_Did the room get brighter__?_ Keith suddenly found his eyes straining against the light in the training room. His paladin armour seemed to intensify in both weight and texture, making Keith shrink back with the hope of getting away from the material that was clinging to his skin. Someone poked Keith's arm to gain his attention but it made everything worse. He didn't like such powerful touches: he liked gentle and soft. So, naturally, he raised his defences and shoved the person away with as much strength as he could muster in his apprehensive state. Keith noticed it had been Lance once his grunt echoed around the room. It was suffocating, like the words were hands wrapped around Keith's neck. His heart was a drum inside his chest, blaring out a heavy metal solo that shook through his entire body. His mind was screaming at him to GET OUT. Get out of his helmet so he could breathe real air. Get out of his armour and put on his light, soft clothes. Get out of the room to a quiet and dark safe space. GET OUT.

Then he was making a beeline for the corridor. Just as he was about to make it, someone grabbed his arm to halt him, their grip like fire. "Are you crying?" They asked but it was difficult for Keith to make the words out over the other noises around him. He hadn't even realised he was crying because he was trying to focus solely on his fingers in his hair. That always helped ground him during a meltdown. He wasn't even sure when his hands had snaked up to his neck to pull at the strands of his hair hanging down: it had become a reflex for his body.

All Keith wanted to do was speak and tell the person to let go of his arm but he couldn't. Instead, he shoved them again with much more force before sprinting out of the door at a potentially record-breaking speed.

He didn't stop until he reached a desolate storage room. He shoved the door open before sitting in the corner and hugging his legs with one arm and twisting the fingers of his other hand around his hair. Whilst rocking back and forth, his mind was running on overdrive, overheating as it whirred with life. He hated space. He hated the light. He hated that he wasn't able to keep a routine. He hated the noise. He hated the pressure. He hated the armour. He hated the space goo. He hated it all so much and he wanted to go home.

Another thing he had learnt that calmed him down was reciting things. He had been forced to develop coping mechanisms on his own because his foster parents always made meltdowns worse. They would scream at Keith and hit him back whenever he flailed his arms to get them away. They didn't understand how much Keith was bothered by seemingly little things; they thought he was just a foster kid seeking attention. Keith used what he had learnt from his past meltdowns and began to recite something he was familiar with: the planets in Earth's solar system in order of their distance from the sun.

"Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune..."

-

Later that day, when Keith had calmed down, he headed to his room as if nothing had happened. His body was shivering and his teeth were chattering so all he wanted to do was lay underneath his soft blankets. His eyelids felt like they weighed an entire tonne but he blamed that on his meltdown. They always drained all the energy from him.

As soon as he reached his room, Keith tugged off his scratchy armour. He hardly noticed how baggy his jacket had become or how his trousers seemed much larger than his waist. He slid beneath his bed covers and pulled them up to his chin. He was tucked in as tightly as he could be, the pressure of the blankets enough to keep him grounded and allow him to drift into a peaceful sleep.

-

Whilst Keith was having a meltdown, the rest of the team had gathered in the conference room, around the large table. They had been sitting in silence for a brief moment as each collected their own thoughts about the red paladin. Allura was sat at the head of the table with Coran beside her, their hands sat on their laps as they analysed the different emotions on the faces of the team. Shiro's gaze was darting around the room, not lingering on one thing for any longer than a single second. Lance was tapping a beat on the table as his leg jumped up and down beneath the table, restlessness a result of anxiety as opposed to his usual ADHD. Pidge was leaning on one of her arms, chewing on her bottom lip whilst Hunk swallowed thickly and stared down at the tabletop.

"I'm worried about him." Surprisingly, it was Hunk who spoke up first. Each member of the team exchanged a similar concerned look with furrowed eyebrows and glossed over eyes.

"I think there's something you should know..." Shiro muttered, glancing up to meet each of his teammates' eyes one by one. His face was pale and guilt swam through his watery irises, though the reason for that guilt was unclear. "Keith has autism."

"That explains so much." Pidge replied, connecting the dots in her head with a deep frown on her face. "This morning, he probably didn't realise I was mad at him. He may have refused to help me because I was disrupting his routine."

"I mean... sure. I don't really understand it. I only found out about a week before I left for Kerberos and, even then, I didn't realise how much it affected him."

"I wish he would have told us. I could have made him some fidget toys and helped him cope with all the stimulation from training."

"He has one!" Lance lifted up his head, eyes wide in realisation. "He had a fidget spinner and wouldn't tell me where he got it. For a second, I thought he had stolen mine." He fumbled around in the pockets of his armour before pulling out his fidget spinner and holding it up in the air as if it were a trophy.

"How do you know so much about autism?"

"I had a friend with it. They were awesome but had difficulties adapting to change and things like that. I researched autism a lot because I wanted to help them." Pidge explained, a sad smile on her face as she recalled the memories. Lance immediately caught on to the pain in her tone and expression so put his hand on her shoulder as a silent sign of comfort.

"I think Keith has an eating disorder too," Hunk admitted, chewing so harshly on his bottom lip that blood bubbled to the surface. "I haven't seen him eat in forever. He never comes to breakfast or lunch and always leaves a lot of his goo at dinner."

Shiro furrowed his eyebrows further, the feeling of guilt intensifying in his gut. He was meant to be looking out for the red paladin as a 'stand-in big brother' but he was hardly doing his job. He was meant to notice the little things like when Keith was uncomfortable or didn't like something. "When... When was the last time anyone saw him eat?" He asked, the question heavy like a weight in the air as no one dared to answer it. Each paladin shrugged almost simultaneously, fearing the worst. "He's going to end up killing himself."

"But why wouldn't he eat? He's basically a twig anyway. There aren't any reasons he'd have any problems with body image or..." Pidge chewed on her lip as she trailed off and contemplated the answer to her own question. "Oh, wait. I have an idea. Alex- uh, my friend, had problems eating anything yellow... do you think Keith might just struggle with the colour green or something?"

"I'm sure I could change the colour of it... or even cook him something else?" Hunk's offer was met with an abundance of nods. The team all cared about Keith as if he was family so were more than happy to do anything, so long as it meant the red paladin was comfortable and healthy. "Could we stop at a space mall as soon as possible so I can buy ingredients?"

"Anything if it'll help Keith. I don't understand this... autism... thing. Is he sick?" Allura questioned, eyebrows raised in concern. Tears were welling up in her eyes but, before she could let any slip, Lance reached over and rubbed her arm. She melted into the touch as if it was a warm blanket on a winter's day back on Earth, thankful for the comfort. She sent a forced smile in Lance's direction to show her appreciation.

"He isn't sick, don't worry. It's quite a complicated neurological disorder." Pidge went on to explain some of the symptoms she recalled her friend having as Allura nodded in understanding every so often.

Once Pidge's explanation was over, Allura smiled genuinely, a knowing twinkle in her eye. "That sounds like-"

"Cloren." Both Coran and Allura said at the exact same time. They met eyes, both noticing how each of their irises sparkled with a strong emotion of endearance. Both of the Alteans shared the same thought but neither made an effort to share it with the rest of the team.

"My son," Coran murmured before a single tear escaped from his eye. It dripped down his pale cheek as Allura reached over to him and intertwined their fingers together. Coran's chest felt tight as he remembered the young boy he loved more than anything; Allura knew just how hard it was for the Altean to discuss family. She squeezed Coran's hand to emphasise her sympathy. "His name was Klyde. He had cloren and I love- loved him. He was just like you're describing, Pidge, and he was a wonderful boy." Coran wiped at his eyes with balled up fists, trying his hardest not to let a sob escape.

At that moment, he swore he would do anything he possibly could to help make Keith feel comfortable. He was going to treat Keith as if he was his own son. He had already lost Klyde so he wasn't going to let himself lose Keith too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this chapter but it's really important in terms of story line so I hope you do :D

"Keith, Shiro and Pidge explained to me what's been going on and I just want to say I am deeply sorry." Keith blinked, trying his hardest to figure out what had supposedly been going on. When he failed to reach a conclusion in his head, he leant towards Allura and allowed his eyebrows to climb his forehead. "You have cloren." The princess spoke as if she expected Keith to have guessed what she meant but his face was as blank as a piece of paper.

"Clo... ren?" All Allura was doing was making Keith more confused. No matter how much he wracked his brain, Keith couldn't think of one instance in which he had encountered the word 'cloren'. To his knowledge, it was a foreign word to him and he had no idea what it meant.

"The thing where you where you struggle with social interaction and- and your senses. I can't remember what Pidge and Shiro called it." Allura's voice remained consistent in volume which Keith thought was a good sign but he could never be sure. He backed up a little- just as a precaution. He recalled moments in the past when his foster parents found out about his autism or saw him have a meltdown, remembering all of the yelling and pain.

"Shiro told you?" Allura's eyes widened as she watched Keith cock his head to the side in further confusion. "Are you... angry?"

"Not at all! Cloren is not something considered a hindrance in Altea. Whilst it is rare, we do not discriminate against it. In fact, I want to help."

"I'm fine, princess." Keith sounded strained and exhausted with his quivering tone, making his words less believable. Allura opened her mouth and closed it a couple of times as she debated the best way to approach the situation. She didn't want to intimidate Keith, especially when he already looked terrified and puzzled.

"No, we can make a setting for training that is quieter and dimmer. Pidge said lights and noise make you uncomfortable." Allura supportingly placed her hand on Keith's shoulder; she couldn't help but notice how much he was shaking.

"Get off of me!" Keith blurted out, jumping backwards as if Allura had hit him. The princess's face fell as she raised her hands in defence. She started to shake her head in an attempt to present herself in the least threatening way but Keith only continued to back up and pale.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't think-"

Keith lowered his gaze to his feet, swallowing thickly. When he spoke, he kept his tone low so that Allura could understand his gravity. "Don't touch me. I don't like it. You need to tell me before you touch me."

"Okay," Allura lifted her hand into the air as if she was going to touch his shoulder again out of instinct. It soon fell back to her side, limp. "Okay. Is there anything else I should know?"

Keith closed his eyes as he weighed up the pros and cons in his head. He would have written it out in his notebook (he made pros and cons lists so much that he had bought a spiral notebook with planets on to write them all in) but he had left it back on Earth.

_Pros: Maybe they could give him softer clothes; make him more fidget toys or get him some food he could eat without gagging..._

_Cons: They could kick him off the team for being a liability or get angry with him. They could even respond to his meltdowns like his foster family had once upon a time..._

"Could you make my armour less scratchy?" Keith's voice had quieted as if he was treading in the shallow water to prepare him for the deep waves. Allura nodded after spending a millisecond processing Keith's hushed words.

"Coran can make something more comfortable for you. Anything else?"

"I can't eat the food goo?"

"Oh, yeah. Pidge said it was because it was green?"

"It's the texture." Keith said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. His face scrunched up a little, purely at the thought of the stuff gathering on the base of his teeth. "It's too soft and it gets all stuck in my teeth."

"Hunk will sort something out for you. We are going to stop off at the next space mall. You can help him find things you like." Keith hoped the space mall would have something similar to Cheetos. He could live on Cheetos (though it might result in an early death because it wouldn't be a balanced diet). The thought that Keith might be able to find something nice to eat in space was enough to form a wide smile across his face.

-

When they eventually arrived at the space mall, Lance was the first to shoot off but not before claiming he was going to "woo some aliens". Coran was next to wander off with a tiny murmur about space pirates or something, followed by Allura, Pidge and Shiro heading into nearby shops. That left Hunk and Keith to find Keith's space ingredients. "Okay." Hunk turned to the other paladin with a wide grin on his face. "Allura gave me enough money to get you some food. We can get whatever you want." Keith nodded, heading towards the Earth shop (where he hoped to find Cheetos) and expecting Hunk to follow.

When he pushed open the door, a bell rang over his head. Keith craned his gaze upwards to watch the little bell dance and emit a sporadic tune, a smile tugging on his face as he remembered his favourite shop on Earth. Lance was already inside the shop, peering at a series of different seeds from Earth. He had a couple packets in his hands and was so engrossed in them that he didn't notice Hunk and Keith.

"Feel free to browse! There's a free Kaltenecker with each purchase!" Keith blanked the cashier as he rushed over to the shelves of food. He thinned his eyes as he searched for anything that even remotely resembled Cheetos. They had freeze-dried astronaut food but Keith had tried that back at the Garrison. It was tasteless for the most part but Keith didn't like how powder-y it was (once he had complained about it and Iverson had screamed at him about being a baby). The other foods included rice, noodles and some other foods Keith didn't recognise. Dejected by the lack of Cheetos, Keith turned back to Hunk who was bent down, looking at the seeds with Lance.

"I thought you were 'wooing alien girls'," Keith said, his right eyebrow climbing his forehead. "I didn't know flowers were girls."

"I never said I was picking up alien _girls_," Lance grumbled as he continued to flick through the different seeds. "Anyway, I lied."

"Why would you lie?"

"Because it's embarrassing to admit I like flowers?"

"Why?"

Lance furrowed his eyebrows as he paused in his actions, fingers hovering over a packet of roses. "I don't know... it just is."

"I think it's cool. One of my foster mothers was really into gardening but she wouldn't ever let me touch them."

"Thanks, Keith..." An endearing smile spread across Lance's face as if he was the happiest boy in the world. He turned to look at Keith, a million different thoughts running through his head in response to Keith complimenting him.

"I'm ready to go now." Keith then muttered as if the compliment didn't mean anything at all. Lance followed him with his eyes, frowning slightly as he pulled himself up onto his feet. He was clutching the seeds as if they meant the world to him.

"I might look around for a bit longer." Hunk replied once he noticed Lance wasn't going to say anything. He patted Lance on the back as a comforting gesture, sending him a sympathetic smile. "You can take some money and look around on your own if you want."

"Okay." Keith held his hand out so Hunk could drop some of the coins into his palm.

"Just don't forget to meet everyone back at the fountain in about a varga."

"Got it."

"Wait, Keith!" Lance called so Keith turned to face him with a set of raised eyebrows. Lance's cheeks had tinted pink, probably because the shop had its heating cranked up. "Which flowers do you think I should get?"

Keith leaned forward just enough to read the small print on the packets and look at the pictures. He raised his gloved hand before pointing at a packet of carnations, remembering how his foster mother had planted some of them before. She had tried to get Keith to help but he had just complained about all the dirt underneath his fingernails, resulting in her screaming at him. Keith didn't completely understand but he still managed to miss Earth and some of his foster families, even if they had hurt him. "They're my favourite."

"Okay, thank you!" Keith flashed Lance a quick smile before leaving the Earth shop. There weren't many aliens around which Keith appreciated as he disliked crowds and busy areas. He walked down the mall, eyes grazing the different signs in search of anything food-related. He couldn't read the different languages which made it incredibly difficult but some had logos that hinted at the shop's contents.

Each of the names became a blur: from Gobsy's Gook (with a little picture of a vase as a logo) to signs with symbols written all over them. Keith was drawn to a shop engulfed in colours that reminded him of a rainbow. The blinds on the windows were full of neon reds, yellows and greens. Even the door itself was a vibrant blue that reminded Keith of Lance's paladin armour with the brightness turned up to one hundred. Keith pushed it open, glancing upwards as another bell rang over his head. He was quickly approached by a shop assistant who ushered him towards the counter.

"We have an amazing deal for you. Just three gac and I will give you an insight into your future! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. It's now or never!" The alien spoke in a high-pitched voice that had an intensity that matched its neon pink skin. They broke out into a grin, revealing sickly yellow teeth to Keith. Their breath was pungent with a strong smell that reminded Keith of garlic from back on Earth. Whilst scrunching his face up in disgust, Keith counted the coins and created a mental list of pros and cons.

_Pros: It was cool alien magic! He might never get to experience something so awesome again in his life..._

_Cons: Keith was meant to spend his money on food, not some mysterious magic that could just be a con artist's forte..._

After the alien brought out a neon yellow pill, Keith wondered whether he could trust it. Figuring out he had more than enough coins, his rebellious side won him over and he swapped three for the interesting looking pill. The alien grabbed his hand so harshly that Keith couldn't pull away, even though his skin was crawling from the contact. "You can't tell anyone about what you experience. The future does not appreciate meddling."

The alien's purple eyebrows knitted together in concern, their lips also pursed until Keith nodded in understanding. He dropped the pill into his open mouth and swallowed it as if it was just some paracetamol from Earth and not a potential drug from an unfamiliar alien.

Keith couldn't describe the way he felt in his last few moments of consciousness. His entire body began to tingle as the hairs on his arms stood up and a sharp pain ran through his chest. He felt like he had walked into an oven as a flurry of heat travelled through his body, the flames coursing through him like an electric current. His stomach doing a backflip, Keith felt bile rise in his throat but, just before he could vomit, his knees buckled. Collapsing onto the floor so harshly that his legs would probably bruise, blackness ate at his vision. Spots danced in front of him before he was completely overwhelmed by a pitch black.

_Black. Black. Black_. Keith wasn't sure where he was but he liked it. It was silent other than his own footsteps that echoed before pleasantly fading out of existence. There weren't any harsh lights and Keith felt like he was floating, body weighing as much as a cloud. All of a sudden, a blinding light pierced through the air and Keith was falling. _Falling. Falling. Falling..._

He was on a Galran ship. The colour purple surrounded him in every direction, red lights hanging above him to light up the halls. He could see Lance and another version of himself up ahead, running from a group of Galran guards. After the alien's explanation of the pill, Keith could only assume that it was himself from the future. Future-Keith was lagging behind until a gunshot rang through the air, everything else silencing as it faded out. The next moment, Keith was screaming and collapsing onto the ground. There was a hole in his armour where blood was dripping down his chest, painting him like a sick picture. The guard broke the distance between them before smashing their gun into Keith's head. Keith could hear himself wail in pain and the harrowing sound bounced around the walls in a suffocating manner. Keith just about heard Lance yell his name before light was blinding him yet again.

"Keith!" Keith turned his head, searching the black area for the person calling him. It sounded like Lance but he was distant...

"Keith! Can you hear me?" Keith could recognise Shiro's voice from anywhere. He wanted to understand how Shiro was feeling and what was going on but he couldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't...

"We're losing him!" Coran. He was screaming so loudly that Keith had to cover his ears out of pure instinct.

"Can't we put him in a pod?" Lance again. His voice was trembling; was he crying? Keith had never seen or heard Lance cry before so the sound was unfamiliar. It must have meant something was seriously wrong with him. Mentioning the pod made him wonder if he was hurt but one look down at his body told him that wasn't the case.

"Lance?!" Keith yelled out at the top of his lungs, desperation raising the pitch of his words. His entire body was shaking and his eyes were sparkling with tears out of pure frustration.

"No. The pod can't heal damage this severe." Allura. She stumbled on her words which was unusual: normally she was the most articulate and composed of the team.

"Come on, son, stay with us." Son. Son. Son. Since when did Coran call Keith his son? They weren't related at all by blood so why would he call Keith his son? Keith hunched over, all the confusion making his head ache. It felt like someone was tearing his brain apart from right inside of him so he scrunched his eyes shut as he tried to tempt the pain away.

"We were too late. He's gone." The sound of a collective sob filled the air before light was blinding Keith. His heart was pounding inside his chest and his head was spinning around and around and around and around...

Keith was back on a Galran ship in a room that reminded him of a hospital room back on Earth. He had only been to the hospital once after he had gotten into a fight at school but he never wanted to go again. It had been uncomfortably warm and the nurses kept touching him. His foster mother at the time had to hold him down whilst his arm was wrapped in a bandage and the entire experience felt like a trauma. The Galran hospital wasn't much better. It was so white that it was blinding and Keith had to squint his eyes to stop it from burning. In front of him was the future version of himself again, sprawled out across a bed. He was wearing his armour but it had been cut down the centre and was stained with blood.

The sound of the door opening made Keith tear his gaze away from himself. His breath hitched as his eyes laid upon Haggar. She approached future-Keith, peering down at his body with a blank expression on her face. She pressed her bone-y hands into his neck and a soft blue glow transferred from her long fingers to Keith's pale skin. "Beautiful..." She murmured as future-Keith's eyes jolted open. They darted around the room as he tried to get his bearings but failed to recognise the room. "You will come of good use, red paladin."

_Light. Light. Light_. Keith was on the Castle of Lions in the training room he had spent hours of his life in. All of the paladins were present but it was future-Keith and Lance who were sparring. They both held long swords and analysed each of their movements intricately. The battle lasted no longer than a minute before future-Keith tackled Lance to the ground. Shiro started to clap, applauding Keith for his skill and quick thinking but future-Keith didn't stop there. He raised his sword and plunged it through Lance's chest. Lance's scream circled present-day Keith until his head was spinning all over again and nausea washed over him. Just as he collapsed to the ground, Haggar's voice rang through the air. "_You can't stop me now. I gave you life so I control you now._" It was loud and suffocating, dancing around him until he felt lightheaded. Keith blinked, trying to tempt the dizziness away but only making it worse. Black spots formed in his vision until everything went black again.

When Keith regained consciousness, he was lying with his head on someone's lap. His head was pounding so he groaned as it took all his energy to sit up. "Keith? Are you alright?" Keith turned his head to look at whoever had spoken: Shiro. His eyes were wide and his face seemed paler than usual. Keith realised his head had been on Lance's lap when the blue paladin gently patted his back. His touch was light which Keith appreciated a lot: it meant Lance remembered the discomfort physical contact caused him.

Keith opened his mouth to respond but, all of a sudden, the urge to vomit circled his stomach. Luckily, they were right beside a trash can so he could throw up without making much of a mess. Someone's hand- it was tanned so it was probably Lance's- reached out and felt his forehead. Keith would have ducked away from the touch but his entire body felt like it was made of lead so he couldn't move far. "He's burning up." Lance concluded but he sounded distant. It was as if he was miles and miles away when really he was only a few centimetres away. Keith wanted him to be closer so he knew for sure he wasn't alone and was safe.

"What happened, buddy? You should have told us you were feeling ill." That sounded like Hunk but Keith couldn't quite tell: his hearing was fuzzy as if he was wearing headphones to block out the background noise.

Keith opened his mouth again to reply but no words escaped. Wanting to assure everyone he was fine, he attempted to pull himself onto his feet. Once he was standing, his legs began to tremble from his own weight and the world started to spin around him. His eyelids grew heavy like a pair of weights on his head and, suddenly... black.


	4. Chapter 4

"There appears to be a high concentration of binechogen in his system. It is an unknown substance which his body is probably attempting to reject. That would explain the vomiting." Coran explained, using the tip of his index finger to follow the words on the screen. His other hand was twiddling his moustache which, in conjunction with his thin eyes, warned the other paladins of his anxiety. It was odd to see Coran so restless and concerned when he was usually so laid back and calm.

"How'd it get into his system?" Shiro questioned, chewing on his bottom lip. He kept trying to reassure himself that Keith would be okay but that didn't stop the anxiety from eating at him too.

"I'm not sure. Binechogen is used for the psychedelic effects it has on the user. It often makes them hallucinate."

"Why would Keith take... a drug?"

"That's not it, number two... urban legends suggest the drug, as you called it, can be used to see into the future. It's only a legend and many people refute it."

"Is he going to be okay though?" Lance spoke up out of the blue. Both Coran and Shiro turned to face him as if they had forgotten he was standing there. Lance had one hand on the pod Keith was asleep in and his eyes were glistening with what looked like tears. He refused to make eye contact with any of the others. Even in the most dire of situations, he refused to admit that he felt something for Keith that was much more than a simple rivalry or even a friendship.

"Are you... crying?" Shiro asked, stepping towards Lance with a deep frown across his pale face. He spread his arms out and raised his eyebrows- a silent offer of an embrace.

Lance let out an overly dramatic huff, shaking his head as he tried to support his argument against him crying. "No! I have something in my eye, that's all." Regardless of his words (and dignity), he still melted into Shiro's hug. He inhaled Shiro's musky scent, scrunching his eyes shut as he recalled his mother's own hugs. She had always been the best at seeing through the mask of emotion Lance constantly wore and her hugs were like some magical medicine that helped take a large fraction of the pain away.

"He will be okay. The pod will remove all of the binechogen from his system." Whilst that was some of the best news they had heard all day, neither Lance nor Shiro made an effort to separate the hug.

-

Coming out of a pod was never a pleasant experience, especially for Keith. His body felt like it was a feather and his legs were jelly beneath him as he tumbled forward, unable to hold up his own weight. Luckily, someone had been waiting for him outside so they were able to prevent him from hitting the floor face-first. Disorientated, all Keith could feel was a comfortable warmth from whatever- or whoever- was holding him. It didn't register that he was being touched by another human being until he blinked a few times and his body had time to adjust to the familiar surroundings.

As soon as he realised, Keith shoved the person- Lance he came to notice- away from him. Legs still weak from being in a healing pod for so long, Keith's body hurtled towards the ground again. "Keith!" Lance yelled, backing up with wide eyes as he watched Keith hit the floor with a soft thud.

"What happened? Why was I in a pod?" Keith glanced around the room as he searched his brain for any answers. He could remember bright colours, a mysterious pill and the visions of the future but it was hazy. The bit between the visions and getting into a pod was nonexistent in his memory so he couldn't recall how he may have gotten hurt by the events he had experienced.

"We're not sure what happened but you passed out and threw up a lot. I thought you were dying." Lance explained. He held out his tanned hand, giving Keith a choice as to whether he wanted to touch it or not. Keith stared at it before tentatively brushing the tips of his fingers against Lance's palm. It was soft and smooth; somehow more so than Shiro's.

"Your hand feels nice." Keith blurted out without thinking about what he was saying. It was like his brain and mouth were two separate entities and didn't cooperate before making decisions. Lance chuckled, raising an eyebrow at Keith's abruptness but secretly finding it the most innocent and adorable thing in the universe.

"I moisturise." Keith didn't say anything else as he intertwined their fingers so Lance could pull him onto his feet. "Did any aliens try and sell you drugs?"

Drugs? Keith bounced the word around his head for a moment. It was almost like he was entering the word into a search engine that would filter through his memories. He settled on the yellow pill the colourful alien had given to him in the dodgy shop at the space mall. "An alien gave me a pill that let me see into the future." Keith spoke in a monotone with his lips stuck in a straight line. Lance's eyes widened and he couldn't possibly fathom how Keith was so relaxed about being drugged.

"Didn't anyone teach you not to take pills from strangers? Damn it, Keith. You're going to be the death of me!"

_Death of me. Death of me. Death of me. _Visions of his future self stabbing Lance through the chest flashed in Keith's mind. He yelped and stumbled back, heart thudding inside his chest as he shook the image out of his head.

"Are you alright, man? Was it something I said?" Lance questioned, trying his hardest to read what was going on in Keith's mind. He was holding onto Lance's hand with an iron grip and staring ahead as if he had seen a ghost.

"I killed you." Keith muttered so quietly that Lance wasn't sure he had heard it right. "I'm sorry. I killed you."

Lance let out a loud laugh but it was clearly forced, made apparent by the underlying concern. "Keith, you aren't making sense. I'm alive, see?" Lance moved Keith's hand so it was hovered over Lance's heart, just to prove he wasn't dead. Keith flinched upon feeling the soft _thud thud thud_ of the organ, jolting back and tearing his grip from Lance's. Keith was breathing heavily as if he had ran a marathon and he refused to look at Lance. He resembled a patient right out of a mental asylum: delirious and paranoid. "Okay, okay. I think you're hallucinating. The pod was supposed to remove all of the... the thing from your system but it may not have worked. You're here... on the Castle of Lions with me, Lance."

Turning his head and finally looking at Lance, Keith attempted to ground himself. He wasn't sure what was going on but Lance had said he was safe so he must have been. He trusted Lance.

"I- I need to talk to someone," Keith murmured, deciding Lance wasn't the best person (what if Lance hated him because his future-self murdered him?) "Shiro." He could always trust Shiro. He raced out of the room without so much as a farewell to Lance with one mission in his mind: to find the black paladin. Lance remained in the centre of the room, mouth ajar out of pure shock whilst his brain attempted to process what had happened. His hand was held out in front of him, as if he could still feel the warmth from where Keith had been. Lance's eyes were wider than saucers: he had no idea what Keith was on about so he had no idea how to react or help either.

-

"Keith, you're awake!" Shiro exclaimed as Keith burst into his bedroom, face lighting up like the sun. After everything that had happened leading up to that moment, Shiro was ecstatic to see that Keith was alive and there weren't any injuries that seemed to remain. His face quickly fell once he noticed the expression on Keith's face. Beads of sweat were dripping down his forehead, his breathing was ragged as if he had ran to Shiro's room and his face was whiter than snow.

"I saw the future," He started, taking a short moment to catch his breath again. "It's bad. I-" Keith's entire body stiffened and his brain couldn't find the simple words in his head to form a sentence. It was as if someone had delved into his head and deleted all of the files containing the English language. "I-" He tried again, just to have the same outcome. His tongue felt like lead as he was unable to lift it to form any words. Keith had never had much of a problem with speech before (besides when he was amidst a shutdown) so it didn't make sense to him that he couldn't remember how to speak.

"What? Is everything okay? What did you see?" Shiro rambled out a series of questions whilst all Keith could do was stare at him with his mouth agape. His bottom lip was trembling as his eyes began to glisten with tears. As soon as one slipped, he reached up and wiped it away with the hope that Shiro wasn't going to see him cry.

Before Keith could even contemplate replying, a sharp pain shot through his brain, eliciting a series of trembles throughout his entire body. He hunched over and pressed his hands into his temples, face scrunched up in pain.

"Keith? Are you alright? What's going on?"

"Nothing." Keith eventually choked out. Nothing was the only word his brain was able to fathom but even that gave him a headache. His head was spinning and, all of a sudden, he felt like he was going to be sick. The alien's words rang through his head over and over again, like a broken record: _you can't tell anyone about what you experience_. The alien was right because Keith physically couldn't tell anyone, as much as he wanted to. The words just didn't exist in his head.

"Do you need some water or some meds or something? Is it a migraine?"

Shiro's concerned ramblings only added to the mess of thoughts in Keith's brain, only worsening the headache pains. Keith buckled over further, squeezing his eyes shut to rid of the tears. Shiro could only watch as he hunched his shoulders and his entire body shook. Keith wished Shiro was able to read his mind but he couldn't.

Keith was going to kill Lance and he couldn't even get anyone to stop him.


	5. Chapter 5

"Pidge has tracked a nearby Galra ship," Allura explained, glancing around the rest of the paladins to take in their expressions. Pidge and Hunk were the only ones with their full attention on the princess. Lance had his head buried in his arms (probably asleep- he hadn't slept at all whilst Keith was in the pod), Keith was flicking at his fidget spinner and Shiro was watching him through thin eyes. Keith had been acting distant since he had left the pod and everyone had found out he had taken a drug from an alien, pushing the others away before they got too close. "Paladins!" Keith flinched at the raised voice and Lance jumped up, eyes wide as Allura pulled him out of his sleepy state. It was the equivalent of someone pulling the blankets off of him on a cold winter's morning to wake him up or pouring a bucket of ice-cold water on his head. "This is unacceptable! We cannot infiltrate the Galra ship if no one is paying attention."

"Sorry, princess." Shiro and Lance murmured at the same time, hanging their heads in shame. Keith didn't apologise but placed his fidget spinner on the table in front of him to show where his attention was directed.

"As I was saying, Pidge believes the ship may hold her family or at least information about them. For this reason, Pidge is going to hack into their system but she needs to do it from inside. Keith and Lance can protect her whilst she is hacking. Shiro, you will be on watch to ensure we aren't attacked."

"Got it." Each paladin responded in unison.

Allura couldn't help but question her own faith in the team. Keith hadn't said more than two words since he had left the pod, Lance was exhausted, Shiro was restless and constantly on edge, Pidge was distracted by her family and Hunk... Hunk was the only person fully dedicated and focused on the mission at hand and he didn't even have a role.

-

"Before we leave, you all need a good dinner to keep you going." Hunk flashed everyone a prideful grin as he brought two plates into the dining hall. He placed them in front of Allura and Shiro before disappearing into the kitchen again. He returned with Coran and Lance's meals; each time he opened the kitchen door, the team got a whiff of something beautiful. Keith watched with wide eyes as Lance began to dig into something that loosely resembled pizza and garlic knots. Some of the colours were off but Lance was shoving it into his mouth regardless. Keith didn't recognise Coran or Allura's meals but what Pidge was digging into looked suspiciously like spaghetti carbonara. Shiro had an obscurely coloured sushi- something Keith knew he loved back on Earth. Keith hadn't liked it because the idea of raw fish made him feel nauseous and the texture of it was too soft anyway.

Hunk came back out of the kitchen with the final two dishes. He placed a plate of what looked like some sort of stir fry with a multitude of colours mixed into it in front of Keith. Keith reached for his cutlery and wrapped a noodle around his fork before taking a bite. His face lit up as he chewed: they were soft but didn't get stuck in his teeth like the dreaded space goo did. "This is so good!" Keith practically moaned after swallowing, his lips frozen in the shape of a grin. It was the first time anyone had seen him smile so much since the incident with the drugs at the space mall.

"Thank you. I know it isn't perfect but I did the best I could with everything I could find in the space mall." Being the humble guy Hunk was, he wouldn't admit that his food tasted flawless.

Keith picked up a purple coloured bit in his noodles and took a bite. It crunched between his teeth and Keith felt ecstatic. Crunch was always his favourite texture and Hunk had done it. Keith never wanted to have to look at space goo again because whatever Hunk had cooked him was heavenly.

The other paladins- and Allura and Coran- thanked Hunk too as they marvelled over their own dishes. Lance's eyes had a specific shine to them (it was like he was on the verge of crying but Keith didn't know why he would cry over good food) as he shoved a second garlic knot into his mouth. Once Shiro noticed, he clapped a hand on his back and murmured, "Got something in your eye again?" That elicited a loud laugh from Coran in his seat opposite Shiro.

Lance blinked multiple times in an exaggerated manner before rubbing his eyes with his fists. "I am not crying!" He exclaimed, bottom lip jutting out in a formation that looked suspiciously like a pout. Being the youngest child in his family, he had mastered the pout but he wasn't exactly a child anymore so it didn't help his case like it would have once upon a time. "These garlic knots taste just like my mamá's." Before Lance could stop himself, he launched into a round of tears. Keith's mouth dropped open as he watched Lance excuse himself and race out of the kitchen, hands balled up into fists as he wiped harshly at his eyes. None of the other paladins knew how to react but, surprisingly, it was Coran who got up to follow him.

"He's probably homesick. I'll go and talk to him." Coran muttered before following Lance. The rest of the meal was filled with a heavy silence, the usual sound of Lance joking around or rambling about something absent.

-

"Lance," Coran placed his hand onto Lance's shoulder as the blue paladin stared directly ahead. He had escaped to the observation room to look at the stars like he always did when he felt homesick. There was something about the stars that made him feel at home, even when he was lost in the middle of the vast universe. He refused to turn around and look at Coran, not wanting anyone to see him in his moment of weakness. He was convinced that he could cope with the homesickness on his own: he had many times in the past so it would be easy enough to do it again. "I know how it feels to miss home."

"I- I know," Lance responded, voice shaking so much that his words were almost inaudible. He turned his head to face his feet, another tear dripping down his cheek and falling to the ground. "I'm just making a big deal out of it."

"You shouldn't feel ashamed for the way you feel. I know Altea was destroyed and I will never be able to go back but that doesn't make my homesickness more valid. You're far away from Earth too."

"Pidge figured out how much time had passed on Earth and- and I missed Marco's graduation. I missed Veronica starting college. I missed all of their birthdays." Lance hunched over as another sob escaped his open lips. His entire body was shaking and he had never felt so desperate and lost in his life- not even when he had moved out of his childhood home. He wasn't even an adult and, yet, he held the responsibility of the universe on his shoulders. Lance should have been thinking about what he wanted to study at college, not having to fight an alien species with a group of people he hadn't known for long. "I just want to go home, Coran." He finally turned to look at the Altean, eyes twinkling beneath the light. They were wide and broken, reminding Coran that Lance really was just a random kid from Earth. He hadn't asked to be thrown into a massive intergalactic war. He had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"I know you do and, trust me, you will get back to Earth one day. You will be able to go back home."

"What if I die out here? My parents will never even get to say goodbye." Lance would never regret not calling his mother back at the Garrison more. He could recall the occasional Skype call when he had promised and promised to _llama luego_ **(call later)**. He had wanted to as his heart hurt whenever he thought of his family back home but the Garrison's workload preoccupied too much of Lance's time. As Lance stared down at his feet, lightyears away from his home, he wished and wished he had made the time to call more.

"You won't die out here," Coran pulled Lance into a hug, rubbing circles into his back. It reminded Lance so much of his final hug with his mother as he left for the Garrison. It was so comfortable and homely, reminding him of cuddling a teddy bear. "I won't let you die."

"I'm sorry for being such a mess." Lance backed away from the hug, wiping his eyes with balled up fists.

"It's okay to let your guard down sometimes, Lance. You're going to be okay."

-

"We're in," Keith said as he turned to look at Pidge and Lance to ensure they had followed him in. Pidge had a constant smile tugging at her lips at the thought that there was a chance she may be able to find her family again. They began to walk down the halls together, Lance ahead with his bayard poised and Keith protecting the back of the group. Pidge was between them, holding a phone-like device that allowed her to track the main control room and navigate the group. As they got closer, Pidge was trying to hold in her excitement, though it was obvious in the way she was practically skipping down the corridor. Once they reached a large metal door that towered over the group (even Lance who was the tallest), Pidge raced forward. She tapped some symbols on her device, doing some technical things neither Keith nor Lance could understand to unlock the door. Once it flew open, she grinned so widely that crinkles formed by her eyes.

"You patrol the area and give me a heads up if any guards are coming." Pidge said as quickly as possible before racing into the control room. When surrounded by such extensive technologies, she resembled a small child in a sweet shop. Lance and Keith watched her excitement, shaking their heads as they failed to understand the appeal of such complicated machines.

"Looks like it's just us then, huh?" Lance wiggled his eyebrows, bumping his elbow with Keith's. The red paladin jumped away from the touch, though Lance failed to notice his tension. The way Lance wiggled his eyebrows reminded Keith of the many times Lance had flirted with locals on alien planets but he didn't know what it meant. He had always assumed it was some sort of flirty move but Lance would never flirt with Keith so it didn't make sense. "Let's play a game!"

"You want to play a game now, really Lance? We're meant to be protecting Pidge." Keith retorted whilst Lance dramatically rolled his eyes beside him.

"Lighten up a little. There's no need to be so uptight all the time. The game's simple anyway. We just ask each other random questions. Easy."

"That doesn't sound like much of a game."

"I want to learn more about you, mullet. We live in space together and all I know about you is that you got kicked out of the Garrison, even though you were their best pilot."

"What do you want to know about me?" Keith risked a quick glance at Lance to see Lance had been staring at him. His eyes were full of fondness and he was smiling ever so softly, though Keith couldn't read the expression. Keith rapidly looked back down the corridor to ensure they weren't being ambushed. They were still very much alone.

"Hmm..." Lance tapped a finger against his gun as he contemplated his first question. Tap. Tap. Tap. The tiny sound was enough to make Keith's skin crawl so he ended up chewing viciously on his bottom lip just so he didn't snap at his friend. "Why did you get kicked out of the Garrison? If... If you don't mind me asking."

"Discipline issues." Lance raised his eyebrows, subtly asking for more information. Keith just stared ahead of him- still chewing on his lip, of course- and waited for Lance to ask another question: he didn't realise Lance wanted him to continue.

"What did you do?" Lance asked once he realised Keith wasn't going to expand on his answer.

"I punched Iverson."

Lance froze in his step. His jaw dropped open and his eyes widened into the shape of saucers, making him appear almost like a cartoon character with exaggerated emotions. He scanned Keith's facial expression for any signs that he had been joking or at least exaggerating but didn't find anything at all. "You what?" He blurted out once his jumbled up thoughts had settled on a coherent question to ask.

"I punched Iver-"

"No, I heard you but like... why? When?"

"He got too close to me." Keith was making it sound like punching the headteacher of a prestigious school like the Garrison was a completely normal thing to do. Lance had thought Keith might have gotten kicked out for a more tame reason such as skipping class too often or cheating on too many tests. Lance couldn't even picture Keith punching a teacher. It blew his mind.

"Okay... I guess you can ask me a question now." Lance said once he realised Keith didn't have anything else to say on the matter.

"Uh... I don't have any questions."

"Think of one! It can be anything like... like... what's my favourite colour or- or-"

"Blue." Keith blurt out, redness blossoming across his cheeks once he realised he had said it without thinking.

"What?"

"That's your favourite colour. Can you ask the questions now?" Keith wasn't fond of the game Lance was playing with him. He didn't appreciate the amount of pressure it put on Keith when he had to ask a question. Keith felt like he knew enough about Lance anyway.

Lance studied Keith's expression for a long moment as if he was trying to figure him out before replying, "Sure, sure. What's your favourite genre of music?"

"I don't like listening to music."

"What?! Who doesn't listen to music?!"

"I- I don't? I listen to audiobooks."

"What about?"

"Space. Always space." A small smile appeared on Keith's face and, when his eyes flickered to Lance, he realised he was being stared at again. Lance just really liked seeing Keith so ecstatic.

"Tell me a fun fact about space."

"What do you want to know?"

Lance hovered a finger over his chin as he contemplated a dumb question to ask. "Do you have a favourite planet?"

"Not really. They all have cool properties." Lance nodded, eyes fixed on Keith's smile. "I love learning about space so much that it helps me when I have tan..." Keith trailed off, swallowing thickly as he furrowed his eyebrows. "Meltdowns." He eventually corrected once he recalled Shiro telling him that they weren't just tantrums; he wasn't just attention seeking but he had _meltdowns_. They were his body's way of reacting to too much stimulation from his environment which didn't make them a bad thing.

"How so?"

"Sometimes I repeat the planets in Earth's solar system. The order and routine can help me keep a level-head sometimes. I know it- it's stupid."

Hating the sudden look of dejection that had appeared on Keith's face, Lance spoke up. "It's not stupid. I think it's cool actually. What order do you recite them in?"

"Their distance from the sun. I always start with the one closest to it."

A grin broke out on Lance's face as he stopped in his tracks all of a sudden. "Let me guess the order, hold on..." He raised a hand into the air as he contemplated the order. "Jupiter-"

"Nope."

"Okay... Venus-"

"Wrong."

"Mercury," Lance stopped as he waited for Keith to correct him. He didn't so Lance continued. "Mercury, Venus, Saturn-"

"Nope. You were training to be a pilot at the Garrison and you don't even know the order of the planets?" Keith let out a soft chuckle that elicited the colour red to blossom across Lance's cheeks. He hunched his shoulders, fully prepared to defend himself.

"I thought I wasn't good enough to go to space. I thought I was going to be some shitty cargo pilot all my life."

"Oh."

"So the order must be Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars..." Lance started to speak again to deter the conversation away from his poor self esteem, though it wasn't like Keith appeared to care too much. "Uranus?"

Keith jolted his head around to look at Lance, eyes so wide that they bulged out of his head a little. It was a comedic expression but Lance was too afraid to Lance when Keith looked so shocked. He backtracked what he had said but couldn't find any reason for Keith to be offended.

"What did you just say?"

"Uranus?"

Keith slapped his forehead with his own forehead, shaking his head in dismay. "It's pronounced Ur-UH-nus. What are you, some idiotic teenage boy making fun of the spelling of the word?"

Lance snorted once he realised Keith wasn't offended and was just correcting Lance's pronunciation. "Ur-A-nus."

"I can't believe one of the defenders of the universe can't even pronounce Ur-UH-nus right. That's shameful, Lance." Lance let out another chuckle, shaking his head at Keith's pettiness. "Change the subject. I can't talk about this anymore."

"Uh... if you love space that much, I bet you're happy you made it here, huh? Was it your dream to become a badass defender of the universe?"

"Yeah... Defending the universe wasn't necessarily my dream but going to space at least once was. All my foster parents said it was stupid but I made it, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did." Keith wasn't sure how it was possible but he could somehow hear the smile on Lance's face.

"Yeah, you made it and now you're a badass. I'm proud of you really. Becoming a defender of the universe is like the ultimate fuck you to your foster parents." Lance's voice was lowered in terms of both volume and tone; it sent a strange shiver through Keith's body. It wasn't unpleasant; just unfamiliar. Lance turned to Keith, hand acting on autopilot as he reached up to brush Keith's fringe out of his face.

The moment was shattered as Shiro yelled down the comms, "Lance, Keith, get Pidge and get out! There are guards coming towards you. Too many for you to fight. You need to run!"

Lance jolted his hand away from Keith and sprinted back in the direction they had come from. Keith followed a few metres behind with his sword at the ready. Guards began flooding down the corridor so they picked up their speed, legs blurs beneath them. As they approached the metal door, one of the guards pressed the trigger of the gun. One lucky shot was enough for Keith to let out an animalistic scream, collapsing onto his knees as blood dripped down the front of his armour. The guard broke the distance between them before smashing their gun into Keith's skull for good measure. The last thing Keith heard was Lance screaming his name before somewhat familiar black dots danced across his vision.


	6. Chapter 6

“Keith!” Lance yelled, tears streaming down his cheeks. He had cried more than enough since Keith had been drugged but his body refused to stop producing more tears. “He’s hurt. Help him. You have to have him.” Lance had a hardly conscious Keith slung over his shoulder but laid him out across the bed for Coran to inspect. Everyone surrounded Keith, each fighting their own inner anxiety as they studied his injured form.

There was an indent in his skull that was caked in masses of blood. It was dripping down Keith’s cheeks, contrasting his deathly pale skin. There was what looked like a hole in the chest plate of Keith’s armour where the bullet had been shot in close enough range to puncture what was meant to be an impenetrable material.

“Keith! Can you hear me?” Shiro sobbed, voice resembling an earthquake. No one had ever seen Shiro let his guard down and show so much emotion so it broke each of their hearts.

“Shiro..?” The red paladin choked out, vision blurry. His blinked multiple times as an attempt to focus on his surroundings but all he could see were blobs for his teammates. He let out a soft moan as pain flooded through his chest, squeezing his eyes shut. He desperately wanted to hug his legs and rock back and forth but even the slightest movement made it feel like he had been struck by a lightning bolt.

“We’re losing him!” Coran screamed, desperately trying to stop the bleeds. His hands were stained red and his own vision was blurry due to the tears welling up in his eyes.

“Can’t we put him in a pod?” Lance asked, hope tinged in his voice.

“Lance…” Keith murmured, attempting to reach out to touch the blue paladin but stopping his movements too soon as more pain surged through him. He let out a heavy cry, desperate to feel the presence of his friend in the dire situation. He had no idea where he was or what had happened so he needed the comfort of someone familiar.

“No. The pod can’t heal damage this severe.” Allura murmured, watching as Lance intertwined his and Keith’s hands. Keith felt the pressure and melted into it, his body falling against the bed, limp. Lance closed his eyes tightly and his lips were moving but no actual sound was escaping. It was like he was trying to contact external help from anyone above who may have been listening. Keith’s eyelids felt much too heavy all of a sudden; he was struggling to keep them open. He let them fall shut as his breath shallowed and he drifted to sleep. The pain seemed to fizzle away as he lost consciousness and drifted away from the real world.

“Come on, son, stay with us.” Coran murmured. Each paladin failed to acknowledge that he called Keith son. They were all distraught in their own ways: Shiro didn’t want to lose someone he had come to think of as a little brother; Hunk and Pidge didn’t want to lose a friend; Allura didn’t want to lose a paladin in her team and Lance didn’t want to lose the person he had fallen for. “We were too late… he’s gone.”

Shiro raced out of the room, slamming his hand on the button to open the door much too harshly. Lance stared at Keith’s hand in his own, tears dribbling down his cheeks as he refused to accept the truth. It felt like he was stuck in a nightmare and would wake up at any moment. Allura, Hunk and Pidge all let out a collective sob whilst Coran gently stroked Keith’s hair. The blood had made it clumpy but Coran refused to let go. 

“I’m sorry,” The Altean whispered at such a volume that no one else in the room could have heard him. “I couldn’t save my baby and now I can’t save you. I failed both of my sons.” He leant forward and pressed the softest kiss to Keith’s forehead. If Keith had been conscious, he would have appreciated the gentle nature of the gesture.

Lance wished he had confessed so that he knew how Keith felt but it was too late. Hunk wished he had been there for Keith sooner when he had been struggling to eat. Pidge wished she hadn’t gotten mad at Keith so often so they could have spent more time together as friends. Coran wished he could have saved the boy who reminded him so much of his own son. Allura wished she could have helped make the Castle a more comfortable place for Keith to live in.

Shiro had broken down in his bedroom. If he was a pane of glass, he would have smashed into a million pieces across the floor. He sobbed loudly, tears rendering his vision nothing but a blurry mess. Back at the Garrison, Shiro had made a promise to Keith. He promised to protect him from all the bad things in the world but Shiro had failed. He hadn’t been there to take the hit or the bullet so it was all his fault.

Who would help Pidge test new training equipment? Who would taste Hunk’s cooking experiments? Who would Lance share a childish rivalry with? Who would Coran see his son in? Who would Allura get angry at for being in the training room all of the time? Who would Shiro baby like the little brother he never had?

That night, the only sounds that could be heard throughout the Castle of Lions were cries. The powerful defenders of the universe were rendered broken pieces as they mourned the loss of one of their own.

-

Alarms shook the Castle but none of the paladins had either the energy or motivation to get up. In the past, the first ring of the alarm would have been enough for them to shoot out of their seats and run to the hangars but it took a couple for the fact that they were being attacked to kick in. Knowing the universe was at stake, they eventually managed to force themselves up and into their armour. They raced to their lions, each getting inside and taking their individual stances. Lance was the final paladin to make it to his lion and he was trembling as he sat in his seat.

As they exited the hangars and leapt out into space, the alarms ceased. Silence washed over the Castle as the lions hovered in space, waiting for something to happen. The alarms usually meant there was a serious emergency that needed responding to urgently. There didn’t seem to be any nearby threats. “Uh… Allura?” Hunk was first to break the deafening silence, appearing on the screens in each of the lions. The words left unspoken were heavy and crushing each paladin like a building toppling over them.

“Did someone trip a wire or something?” Pidge questioned, staring out of the front window of her lion as she contemplated the potential malfunction. That seemed like the most likely outcome, considering how barren space appeared to be at that moment.

“No,” Allura responded, voice a trembling mess. She was gripping onto the table in front of her so tightly that Coran was worried she would break it. Her hands were shaking with how much pressure she was inflicting on the material and it seemed it would shatter at any second. Of course Coran didn’t say anything: he didn’t say much anymore. He was experiencing the grief of losing his son all over again. “The Castle doesn’t just malfunction, Pidge.” Coran nodded in agreement, well aware that his grandfather wouldn’t have built a system that was anything but immaculate.

“Then why did the alarms go off?” Hunk asked. His eyebrows climbed his forehead as he glanced at Allura on the screen in front of him. Her face was pale which sharply juxtaposed her usual dark, tanned skin. 

“Guys, look!” As Pidge shouted, everyone turned their heads to follow her gaze. A tiny Galra cruiser was fleeing, moving so rapidly that it was a blur.

“Don’t follow it. It could be a trap.”

“How did that breach your perfect security? I thought it was impossible.” Shiro said, though it came out as more of a snap. If anyone could have seen Shiro in his lion, they’d have noticed how his eyes were filling with hopeless tears but he had his camera turned off. “Your faulty defence systems put us all in danger!” Allura opened her mouth to snap back but Shiro beat her to it. “We- We could have lost someone else!” Just as a sob finally escaped, Shiro forced his controls to the side to turn his lion around and retreat. He couldn’t let any of his team see him so distraught any longer- he was cracking like a glass bottle that had fallen to the floor. He was meant to be the backbone of Voltron- strong and courageous- but the pressure had become too much after losing the boy he considered a brother.

“Get back to the Castle of Lions.” Allura mumbled, voice wavering before she shut off her comms. As soon as they were off, she let out a heavy sigh and buried her head into her hands.

“It wasn’t even Allura’s fault…” Pidge muttered before making her lion do a 180 back to the Castle. Her movements were erratic as the conflict between Allura and Shiro preoccupied her thoughts.

“Pidge, Shiro’s grieving- we- we all are. Cut him some slack,” were Hunk’s final words before he disappeared into the Castle. 

Lance’s lips remained pursed as he hovered outside of the ship for a long moment. He swallowed thickly, trying not to dwell on the fact that there had been one lion missing. Voltron wasn’t Voltron without Red. His eyes lingered in a stare ahead as he imagined Keith’s usual quips against him whenever they flew together. Everything seemed much too tense and silent due to the absence of Lance and Keith’s rivalry. Once upon a time, flying Blue had made Lance feel ecstatic but it had come to expand the emptiness in his heart where the red paladin had been. 

A screen flashed up in front of him, flickering as the lion secured the signal. Allura’s face appeared in front of him, scowling as if she hated the world. “Come on, Lance.” She said, furrowing her eyebrows to reinforce the authority behind the command. With trembling hands, Lance pushed his controls down.

Once he landed, he let out a heavy, pain-filled sigh. As he climbed out of his lion, his movements were slow and sluggish as if he was having to move through treacle. His bottom lip was trembling so he swallowed as thickly as possible to suppress a sob. All that was running through Lance’s mind was the fact that Keith was gone. Lance would never be able to send Keith a playful quip again. Lance would never be able to compete with Keith when they flew their lions again. Lance would never be able to hear Keith’s voice again._ It was all his fault_. If he had been more alert, Keith may have never died. If he had been quicker, maybe they would have been able to save him in time. If he hadn’t suggested the game, he and Keith would have been more prepared for an attack.

Finally arriving at the conference room (last of course), Lance sunk into a seat between Hunk and Shiro. Opposite him was an empty seat but he refused to even acknowledge it, let alone look at it. He buried his head into his hands, trying with all his might to suppress the red paladin from his mind.

“The Castle’s security isn’t impenetrable,” Coran admitted, sensing the tension within the team. Knowing his grandfather had made a mistake when building the Castle of Lions hurt much more than he would have liked to admit. Shiro didn’t even react to the statement, instead staring a hole into what would have been Keith’s seat with such an intensity that you would have thought he was trying to make Keith appear out of thin air. “But that doesn’t mean Allura is to blame.”

“I’ll fix it… or- or make it better,” Pidge suggested, raising her head enough to meet Coran’s eyes but quickly dropping her gaze back down. Her voice was strained and full of a desperation the others had only ever heard from her when she was talking about her family. “I need a project or something to… to distract myself.”

“Are you just going to pretend nothing happened?” Shiro’s voice was filled with similar emotions and it sounded like he had been crying. The red rim around his eyes and the fact that they were bloodshot proved that he had been. Shiro jumped up onto his feet, slamming his hands down onto the table with a strength he usually saved for fighting the Galra. “Keith’s dead! We can’t forget him or pretend he never existed!”

“I know-” Shiro cut Allura off as fresh tears welled up in his eyes. It was clear that the grief was talking for him as he had never been so resentful to the team before. He was usually composed and kept his anger at bay, being a more passive-aggressive person.

“We didn’t just lose a red paladin, we lost a best friend! How can you expect us to move on from that?! Voltron will never be the same again and I- I don’t think I will be either.”

Everyone’s attention was focused on Shiro so no one noticed Lance. He was gripping the table and his leg was rapidly bouncing up and down as if he was a ticking time bomb. It was almost like someone had taken his ADHD and cranked it up to a million.

“The universe will not wait for us to grieve. We have to continue the battle for everyone in the universe but mostly for Keith. He would want us to move-” Allura started but couldn’t finish as Shiro interrupted yet again, not wanting to let the princess get away with the way she was speaking. 

“I can’t get over it, Allura. I can’t. If you think we can defeat Zarkon after losing Keith… I don’t- You might lose me too. I- I-” Shiro blinked, breath hitching as he tried to contain further tears. “I promised Keith I’d protect him but I failed. I can’t fight what was once Keith’s battle too, knowing I let him down.”

“I’m sorry!” Lance suddenly blurted out, the time bomb detonating at last. “This is all my fault. I should have been there!” Lance jumped out of his seat, heavy breathing shaking his body as he hyperventilated. He let out a sob full of desperation and grief, tears streaming down his face like a waterfall. “It should have been me. I should have died. I’m sorry. I’m so- so sorry.”

Hunk didn’t say a single word as he stood up to pull his best friend into a hug. It was rather awkward and uncomfortable as a result of their heavy armour but Lance melted into the contact regardless. Lance gripped his best friend with all his might, overwhelmed with an abundance of negative emotions. There was fear, guilt, desperation, hopelessness, anger, grief… Another pair of arms joined the hug, though Lance couldn’t tell who they belonged to from where his head was buried in Hunk’s chest. Eventually, Team Voltron shared an extensive group hug, even though a part of them were missing; not just Keith but their leader too. They were a jigsaw puzzle that could never be complete because a piece had gone missing, never to be found again.

-

“He’s gone!” Shiro wailed after bursting into the common room area where the rest of Team Voltron were gathered (with the exception of Lance). “What did you do with him, Allura? I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye!” Shiro was on autopilot as he approached Allura and continued to raise his voice. If Allura didn’t know Shiro so well, she would have assumed he was trying to threaten her and was about to hit her. Luckily, she knew Shiro was a huge ‘softie’ inside who wouldn’t hurt anyone he didn’t feel he needed to.

That didn’t stop Allura from trembling and shrinking back into her chair. “I- I don’t know what you’re talking about…” She admitted, swallowing thickly as her wide eyes stared up at the black paladin. At that moment, Shiro did seem to tower over her and he presented himself as more of a threat than a friend. Allura had to remind herself that he wouldn’t hurt her. She knew he wouldn’t.

“Keith!” At the sound of his name, everyone in the room turned to properly look at Shiro. His face was pale and his eyes were shining with tears. “I wanted to say goodbye one more time but he’s gone…” Shiro buckled over in what felt like his hundredth round of sobs that week. Never in his life had he cried so much; it was surprising he hadn’t made himself dehydrated by that point.

“I didn’t do anything, Shiro. He should still be there…” Allura’s eyebrows furrowed in deep thought as she tried to make sense of the conversation. Shiro backed up and lowered his threatening demeanour once he realised that Allura really wasn’t involved in Keith’s disappearance. “I can track him. All of your armour has tracking chips in as a precaution. Just give me a tick.”

“I’m coming with you.” Shiro tagged behind Allura as they raced towards the main control room. He let her do her work as she typed in a series of different codes he couldn’t understand. After what felt like an eternity, she stumbled backwards with a hand over her mouth. Her face paled as if she had seen a ghost and, for a moment, Shiro was concerned she was going to be sick over the controls. “What?” He questioned, eyes thin as they attempted to deduce what was on the screen.

“Keith is on a Galran ship.” Allura choked out, shaking her head in disbelief. The red dot that represented Keith was flashing sporadically and neither of the pair could tear their gaze away from it. Shiro didn’t want to let Keith slip through his hands again; it didn’t matter that the chance Keith was going to come back alive was next to impossible. He had promised to look after Keith so the least he needed to do was give him a proper goodbye.

“This morning… when the alarm went off… they must have taken him then but- but why?”

Allura swallowed, trembling hands reaching forward to touch the screen. “I don’t know… I really don’t… It just doesn’t make sense... We need to tell the others.”

“Could he… Do you think he could be alive?” Shiro’s eyebrows climbed his forehead as hope raised his voice in pitch. He turned to look at Allura, desperately searching her face for even a hint of aspiration. Allura’s face remained pale and blank.

“That’s impossible. We watched him die.” Shiro chewed on his bottom lip, knowing deep down that Allura was right but, still, refusing to give up on the red paladin. Even if the probability of Keith coming back to life was less than 0.01%, he couldn’t let Keith down a second time.


	7. Chapter 7

Unsure of where he was, Keith took in his environment. He was surrounded in black and the area was filled with a deathly silence that weighed heavy on his shoulders. He opened his mouth to scream for help but, no matter how much he tried, no sound would escape. He tried to walk but wasn't sure which direction was which as everything around him was black. Each direction looked the exact same.

Keith wasn't sure how much time had passed but, eventually, a peculiar sensation engulfed his body. It felt like a tiny electric current running right from the tips of his toes to the top of his head. When he looked down, his skin was glowing like the nightlight he had had in one of his foster homes as a young kid. He had once been terrified of the dark but that nightlight had helped prevent many sleepless nights. Still, the presence of the glow made Keith feel uneasy. He was a human being cross Galra who wasn't meant to light up at all, let alone emit a glow that had the ability to light up an entire room. Petrified, he wanted to scream out but, of course, he couldn't because he had somehow forgotten how to form basic words. As each moment passed, Keith felt like his body was getting lighter and lighter until he blinked and was met with white.

A hand gently stroked Keith's cheek and he desperately tried to pull away. The person's skin was wrinkly and rough, not at all resembling the soft hands Keith had grown used to. "You will come of good use, red paladin." The voice speaking was one Keith would never forget: Haggar. The Galran witch who was a large part of the intergalactic war Keith was meant to be fighting with Voltron. Keith was finally able to scream and he did so at the highest pitch and volume he could muster. The sound was deafening as it shook the room like an earthquake.

The bed he was on was much too soft. It felt exactly like the marshmallow of a bed that he had been forced to sleep on in one of his earlier foster homes (he was kicked out as soon as he refused to sleep on it so that home didn't last long). His eyes were straining against the the bright light that was burning his irises as a result of its intensity. His heart was beating too loudly in his chest, drumming and getting louder and louder as each second past until all Keith wanted to do was cover his ears with his hands. _GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT_. Keith attempted to pull himself up but his limbs were screaming at him to keep still so he allowed himself to collapse back onto the bed.

"Now, now..." Haggar murmured, wrapping her long bone-y fingers around Keith's arm. Her touch was too harsh so Keith's first instinct was to get away from it. He groaned, trying once again to pull away. He didn't like it. He didn't like it. _He didn't like it_. "Calm down!"

Telling someone having a meltdown to 'calm down' was like telling someone with depression that it was 'all in their head'. It wasn't going to magically make them feel better. Two basic words wouldn't dim the lights, release the pressure on his arm or slower the frantic beating of his heart. Keith needed patience and gentle touches like Shiro's and Lance's. Familiarity helped too but it was difficult to recite Keith's lists when Haggar was suffocating him with her presence.

"Paladin?" Haggar sounded confused as the word raised in pitch. Keith scrunched his eyes shut, thrashing about as much as he could on the small bed. Finally, Haggar released his arm with the hope that Keith would calm down and listen to what she had to say. He shuffled backwards on the bed, hugging his legs so he could rock back and forth. He buried his head into his knees and started to murmur his favourite list. "Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars..."

Haggar stepped back, eyes thin as she watched the red paladin's obscure behaviour. She couldn't quite make out what he was saying, only hearing a series of hushed whispers. She had never seen anyone act in such a peculiar way. She had no idea what was going on with the paladin who was supposed to be her weapon. To defeat Voltron, she required strength and bravery but Keith looked more like a frightened child than a defender of the universe. "Paladin?" She repeated, reaching out to place her hand on Keith's back. His response was to groan again, body trembling violently. "What can I do to calm you down? I command you to stop!" When Keith didn't respond, Haggar let out a dramatic huff. She raised both of her hands, a blue glow surrounding her fingers as magic spread through her body. After leaning forward, she harshly pressed her palms into Keith's shoulders until his body relaxed and he dropped onto his back.

"What is wrong with you?" She murmured, squeezing her eyes shut as she poked at Keith's mind. She was going to use him as a weapon, even if it meant she had to make some alterations to her plan.

-

When Keith woke up, the room was dimmer and he didn't have to strain his eyes so much to see. Haggar kept her distance, though she watched Keith closely to see how he would react to his new surroundings. He just blinked, glancing around in an attempt to take in the information from his senses. He opened his mouth to ask questions but nothing came out: he didn't even know where to start.

"I'm going to make such good use of you. Don't you worry though, I will send you home. You will see your pathetic friends again." Haggar's voice was much softer than before and Keith appreciated it. Never did Keith think he would appreciate Haggar.

"What... What do you want from me?" Keith choked out, pulling his legs towards his chest so he could hug them with one arm. He used his other hand to fiddle with his hair. It was a comforting action: the pressure of pulling his hair on his scalp always helped to ground him and keep him calm.

"Nothing. I just didn't think it would be much fun without you. What's the point in fighting in a war when the other team is weak? That's too simple, paladin."

"I- I don't understand."

"Oh, you will eventually. Trust me." Haggar backed up with a small smile on her face. Most people would understand the glint in her eyes was full of mischief: she was plotting. There was more to her plan than she was letting on. Of course, Keith wasn't most people.

-

Pidge had just been fiddling with her technology, index finger swiping across the screen every so often when she stumbled upon something suspicious. Hunk was draped over one of the sofas, tired eyes watching Pidge over her shoulder. They had been sitting in the same position, consumed with grief, for most of the day, too unmotivated to do anything productive. Neither Pidge nor Hunk knew where any of the other paladins were but they weren't in the mood to care. Something about grief caused people to stop caring about important things, even if it meant they were taking dangerous risks.

"Is that what I think it is?" Pidge murmured, leaning forward to stare at the suspicious sign on her screen. A red dot was flashing on the screen, almost as if it was screaming at Pidge to look at it and respond to the signal. Hunk scanned the screen, almost tumbling off the sofa once he realised what the dot represented. "It's... It's Keith."

"No way!" Hunk didn't even realise he was shouting: his head was pounding so loudly that it made it difficult to hear anything. Pidge didn't seem to mind as she was preoccupied with thoughts of Keith. "He's coming in our direction too... Maybe we should check it out." She laid her head back and raised her gaze to look at Hunk, eyes thin as she tried to pick apart Hunk's expression. He was chewing on his bottom lip with eyebrows furrowed, deep in thought.

"We can't tell Shiro or Lance though... we don't want to give them any false hope," Pidge connected their eyes for a brief moment to emphasise the seriousness of her sentence. Defending the universe wasn't a game and lives were clearly at stake; they couldn't mess around anymore. Hunk nodded in agreement before pulling himself up into a sitting position. "I'll go give Allura a heads up and then we can check it out." Pidge jumped up and shot out of the room to get Allura whilst Hunk raced to his own room to prepare for the trip. There wasn't any time to be wasted and there wasn't a single chance they were going to let their friend slip through their hands a second time.

Hunk were quivering as he tugged his yellow armour on, making it difficult to get fit it in a way that was comfortable and not too tight. Once it was secured in a more comfortable position, he grabbed his bayard and sprinted towards the hangar where he boarded Yellow. At one point, he would have needed to stop and take a breath to bury the oncoming anxiety but, that time, he didn't need to. There was something about adrenaline that helped preoccupy his mind and keep his anxiety at bay. "Pidge, you ready?" He questioned, pursing his lips as he waited for a response. His heart was pounding like a drum inside his chest but he felt more than prepared to get his friend back after everything they had been through.

Not too long later, Pidge's video feed appeared in front of Hunk. She was dressed in her armour with her hair flat against her face, frowning as she stared at Hunk. "I'm ready."

"And you have the tracker?" Pidge nodded, holding up a phone-like device with the flashing dot in the centre of the screen. Both leaned forward almost simultaneously, pushing their controls until both the green and yellow lions launched into space.

"Just follow me, alright?"

"Yup." Hunk swallowed his nausea back as Pidge zoomed ahead of him. Since Keith had passed away, Hunk's anxiety had been cranked up a notch. Just thinking about finding Keith was making his stomach do backflips and making him feel queasy. He was sure his face was tinting a sickly green colour but didn't want to delay finding Keith by being sick. He tried to engross himself in flying the lion but it had become second nature to him so he didn't have to think about it that much. Even if the anxiety itself had worsened, Hunk had become better at coping with it. He had learnt different ways to suppress the feelings and fight through them.

"Do you think..." Pidge began but trailed off, reluctant about giving Hunk any false hope. The question hung heavy in the air as neither of them wanted to consider the worst case scenario. They were both aware of the odds they were playing with but that didn't stop the seed of hope planting in the pits of their chests. The question ended up unanswered as the Galran cruiser came into view, seeming much larger up close. Pidge glanced at her screen, the red dot flashing at a much higher frequency due to their closer proximity. "I can scan the ship to see how many guards are on there and the best way to get in."

"You do what you need to do, Pigeon." Pidge nodded, typing a few symbols onto the screen to initiate the scan.

"Hunk..." Pidge turned the device around, revealing the screen to Hunk. There was one single dot- Keith- but that was it; there weren't any guards around him at all. "There's one person in there."

"Keith." They said in unison. Both of them painted the same picture with furrowed eyebrows and a long frown: none of it made sense. Keith was dead... _wasn't he?_

-

Pidge glanced at her tracker before raising her glance to a single door that towered over the pair. "According to the tracker, he's in here..." She whispered, afraid that talking too loudly would somehow wake her up from the dream. Ever since Keith had passed away, each of the paladins had been living inside a real-life nightmare so any tiny fragment of hope made them feel like they were only dreaming. She typed something onto the device before pressing multiple buttons until the door flew open.

"Doesn't this seem a bit dodgy to you?" Hunk couldn't even begin to deny the anxiety making a home in the pit of his stomach. His legs resembled jelly, his hands were trembling and he felt like there was a high probability that he could puke at any given moment. "Do you think it's a trap?" He swallowed back the negative feelings, regulating his breathing as much as he could.

Pidge didn't respond as she risked stepping into the room without considering any potential traps. Hunk's eyes darted to the walls for any cliche traps he had experienced in video games- thankfully the roof didn't collapse into them and the walls didn't eject spikes and close in on them. Pidge's small hand ghosted over her bayard as she prepared herself for an attack but none came. They were alone. "I think it's safe." Hunk reluctantly followed Pidge until they reached the centre of the room where a bed was innocently sitting. The scene seemed like something normal; something people encountered on a regular day-to-day basis. The peculiar thing was that there was a body on top of it- the person's chest was clearly rising and falling- and it looked like their friend. It resembled Keith exactly, right down to the tiny scar Keith had on his eyebrow and the little freckles he refused to admit covered his pale cheeks like constellations.

"Quiznack." Hunk muttered, pressing two fingers into Keith's stick-thin wrist to be certain he was alive. Sure enough, he had a pulse and there wasn't any chance Hunk was imagining it. The steady _thump thump thump_ was definitely there which made exactly zero sense, considering the entirety of Team Voltron had watched Keith die just a few days previous.

"That- That's impossible. He died, Hunk. He should be dead." Pidge's eyes were wide beneath her round glasses and her face had drained of all colour. If anyone saw her shocked expression, they'd have thought she had seen a ghost which, in a way, she had.

"We should get him back to the Castle. He might need a pod or something." Hunk's urge to vomit had been multiplied by a million but he had to put Keith first. If they acted quickly, they had a chance to save Keith. Hunk couldn't be a burden, not when time was so crucial. He slowly lifted Keith up- bridal style- wincing when his eyes remained closed. He was unable to dwell on it for long because a high-pitched alarm began to ring through the ship. Despite the alarming interruption (pun intended), Keith appeared to be in a deep sleep, a peaceful expression of closed eyes and a neutral smile covering his face.

"Self destructing in ten... nine... eight..." An automated voice belted, the sound echoing around the walls of the ship. Both Hunk and Pidge exchanged an expression full of distress but didn't waste a single second before racing to the exit. Hunk was lagging behind as he held Keith- not the smallest guy in the world- in his arms. They leaped into their lions and lurched their controls forward to escape, just as the timer hit zero. The ship exploded into a million tiny fragments whilst Hunk and Pidge could only watch in awe.

"We could have died..." Hunk turned his head away from Keith who was perched in his lap. He really thought he was going to vomit that time but, luckily for Keith, he didn't. He ended up squeezing his eyes shut, taking a deep breath and focusing on getting away from the danger.

"Don't think about it. Just focus on getting Keith back to the Castle."


	8. Chapter 8

Lance couldn't feel much. He was lying on his bed and hadn't moved in what felt like forever. He hadn't eaten a proper meal since the one before the last mission but he wasn't hungry. Lance felt like he should have been crying or screaming but, instead, he felt numb. He stared up at the ceiling, barely blinking as his mind was consumed by an array of different memories.

He could remember first hearing Keith's name back at the Garrison. He had been ecstatic to get a position as a fighter pilot but his name hadn't been on the list. Furious and hoping to displace his anger on someone innocent, he used his finger to trace each name until he reached the top of the list. Lance remembered reading Keith Kogane whilst seeing the colour red (which was kind of ironic thinking back to it). Keith was the best fighter pilot so must have had life so easy. Lance had to study each day into the depths of the night whilst his family struggled to pay for his place at the school and he still didn't get the position he wanted. At that moment, Lance had pronounced Keith Kogane his sworn enemy.

Then there was the first time Lance had properly met Keith. They were in the same form tutor so learnt each others' names thanks to a cheesy welcoming activity. Lance had taken one look at Keith's mullet and complexion and felt the entire world stop. He just couldn't stop staring, especially at Keith's chest where his uniform hugged and accentuated his thin figure. Lance only stopped staring when it was his turn to announce his name and a fun fact to his tutor. On that day, he had sworn to suppress any potential feelings he might develop for Keith: he was his rival after all.

Lance could remember the day he got into fighter class. Iverson had pulled him out of his form tutor and explained the promotion, saying that a fighter pilot had been dismissed as a result of 'discipline issues'. As soon as he was alone, Lance had done a mini dance and jumped up and down, ecstatic that he had finally achieved something his family could be proud of. When he called them up later that day, he had cried his eyes out. One of his big brothers had teased him but his family had generally been over the moon. Lance only noticed that Keith had been the fighter pilot with 'discipline issues' after Keith had failed to turn up to tutor for a few days. Lance couldn't explain the disappointment that made his chest feel heavy.

When Lance bumped into Keith the day they found the blue lion, Keith hadn't remembered him instantaneously. That hurt Lance more than he was willing to admit. He had brushed Keith's forgetfulness off, putting on a comedic grin like he always did to hide his true feelings.

Lance jolted into a sitting position when his bedroom door burst open. His wide eyes drank in Hunk, taking note of his pale face and the fact that he was breathing as if he had run a marathon. "You need to get to the medbay as quickly as possible." He just about finished exclaiming before rushing back out of the room and leaving Lance without so much as to an explanation.

Fighting his lack of motivation and deciding it must have been important, Lance forced himself up. Vertigo washed over him so he had to grip onto his bedside table until the world steadied itself again. He slipped on his blue lion slippers due to the discomfort he felt when wandering through the Castle barefoot. Then he broke out into the best sprint he could without his slippers falling off (it wasn't that fast), heart beating like a drum in his chest. The desperation in Hunk's voice had triggered an anxiety deep down in his chest as he worried his one true fear had come to life. He couldn't lose anyone else. His mind jumped to the worst conclusion as images of his dying friends flashed through his mind. They were so vivid with the splatters of blood, bruises and scars that one may have thought Lance had seen the deaths for real once upon a time. Once he reached the medbay, he was breathing heavily and sweat was dripping down his forehead. There was so much of it that he probably could have filled multiple buckets up.

"What's going on?" He asked Pidge as she raced out into the hall, looking frantic with hair that was flying in all directions.

"You won't believe me if I told you. Just get in there and look for yourself." She criptically replied before sprinting down the corridor. Lance didn't have time to roll his eyes, only burrowing his eyebrows and stepping into the medbay to relieve the curiosity and anxiety eating at him.

All of Team Voltron (with the exception of Pidge) were surrounding a bed, though Lance couldn't see what was on it as they were blocking his view. Curiosity growing further and getting the best of him, he pushed between Hunk and Allura to find out what they were so intrigued with. In front of them was his dead best friend and crush, except he was sitting up with wide, open eyes.

Lance opened his mouth to say something- anything- but nothing came out besides a pathetic squeak. It sounded like it belonged to a tiny creature like a hamster, as opposed to a strong defender of the universe. Everything appeared to halt as Lance stared into Keith's frightened eyes. It was as if Lance was seeing Keith for the first time all over again because he couldn't look away, not that he even wanted to. He didn't know how he was meant to feel as a truck-full of emotions hit him at once- shock, guilt, relief, pain, joy... Each contradicted each other but Lance was feeling them all simultaneously. He was breathless but it wasn't because of the exercise but because he couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was almost as if he was falling for Keith once again; all while he grieved his loss.

"Am I dreaming?" He asked aloud, following the question up with a desperate sob.

"No, Lance. He's really here." Hunk responded, placing his hand on the blue paladin's shoulder as a comforting gesture.

Then the tears came. They flooded down Lance's cheeks, rendering his vision no more than a blur. His body trembled as if it was amidst an earthquake whilst he cried. "Can I hug you? Please, please, Keith. Can I please hug you?" Lance's rambly words came out shaky and barely audible but Keith's nod was all he needed to latch onto him. He launched himself forward, hugging Keith as if he was never going to see him again.

The embrace was rather harsh by Keith's standards so he stiffened up but didn't make any effort to move away. Lance buried his head into Keith's chest, breathing in his scent. Keith was real; he still smelled the same and it was wonderful. Never did Lance wish to let go, with the fear that the red paladin would slip right through his grasp a second time. Lance couldn't lose him again. He didn't think he could take it physically or emotionally.

Lance didn't even need to pull away because another set of arms engulfed him and Keith. The sound of another sob- definitely Shiro's- rang through the air. It was as deafening as a siren but no one minded as they appreciated the loving moment. Soon enough, Keith was buried in a group hug. The hug was full of admiration and relief as opposed to the pain and guilt involved in the previous group hug. Normally, hugs would have been Keith's kryptonite but, just that once, he could feel himself melting into the embrace of a team that made him feel at home.

-

Keith stayed in the medbay for a few days as Coran checked over his basic vitals. From what he gathered, there wasn't anything out of the ordinary and Keith had similar readings as to before his temporary death. Whilst his resurrection itself was abnormal, no one dared to dwell on it as they just appreciated having Keith back for the time being. That meant Keith was discharged from the medbay and Team Voltron were whole within a few days. Keith had been bombarded with questions about what had happened but he couldn't remember anything from the time between his death and returning to the Castle. Keith's resurrection became a mystery that no one wanted to delve into out of a fear of what they might have found.

The atmosphere of the Castle of Lions appeared to do a 180 as each paladin refused to waste any time. They had grown aware of how quickly things could go wrong and how easy it was for them to sustain life-threatening injuries. They learnt to live in the present as the future was in no way guaranteed.

That was the exact reason Lance had turned up to Keith's room, gripping a single red carnation in his right hand. He was holding it so tightly to suppress the trembling of his body as he tried to muster up the courage to speak to Keith. He raised a balled up fist and knocked on the door. He hadn't felt so anxious about speaking to somebody since the day he came out to his mum back on Earth. He was experiencing the exact same symptoms as his thirteen year old self, right down to the sweat highlighting his forehead and the nervous tapping of his hand against his thigh. His finger was rapidly hitting against his trouser leg, so much so that he could have been mistaken for a drummer in a heavy metal band. Nervous as if he was doing something life-threatening and not simply talking to his best friend, he shifted his weight from his left foot to his right foot. Right to left. Left to right. Right to left. Left to right. Just as he was about to bail, Keith's door was thrown open.

Keith must have been taking a nap because he was supporting a strong case of bed hair with his mullet skewed in all different directions. His jacket was creased and in need of ironing but Keith didn't seem bothered. His eyes were thin as if they were straining against the harsh light in the corridor that heavily contrasted the dimness of Keith's cave. He had one earphone in his left ear whilst the other lazily dangled down. As Lance stepped into the room, he could just about hear soft voices being released from the earphones, though they were too muffled to make out any words.

"Do I have something on my face?" Keith questioned, breaking the silence like a rock smashing a glass window. He hesitantly raised his gloved hand to wipe around his lips just in case, his actions slow due to his bewilderment.

"No, no. You just-" Lance took a shaky breath to compose himself and disguise the fact that his heart was beating at a million miles a minute. "You look good."

"Thank you?" Keith clearly wasn't sure whether to accept the comment or not based on his raised intonation. His eyebrows were also furrowed, as they always were when Keith was contemplating something he didn't understand. Lance thought it was the most adorable feature of the red paladin and he had thought so since right back at the Garrison.

"Can you... uh... pause your music so I know you're giving me your full attention? You need to listen to what I say." Redness spread across Lance's cheeks, so much so that it looked like he had dumped an entire tub of blusher across his face. Nonchalantly, Keith reached into his pocket and turned off the podcast, not caring to correct Lance when he called it 'music'. He reached up with his right hand and tugged the earphone out of his ear before placing the device onto his bed. He turned back to Lance with a soft smile, raising his hands to show that he had dropped the phone and was giving all of his attention to Lance. "I brought you this flower because you said it was your favourite back at the space mall." Lance broke out into a bashful smile, almost embarrassed that he had remembered such an intricate detail about Keith. He thrust the flower out towards Keith, scrunching his eyes shut so that he didn't need to see his reaction.

"Is it red because I'm the red paladin?" Keith's lips quirked up to form a wide smile as his eyes sparkled; he looked like he had solved a maths equation he had been stuck on for a long time. Lance had always been one of the hardest people for Keith to read as he sent a mixture of mixed signals constantly

"Partly but also because it symbolises love and admiration." As Lance said the word 'love' his heart skipped a beat. If he had been hooked up to a heart monitor, it would have flat-lined and pronounced him dead. He winced, face scrunching up further as he waited to see Keith's reaction to his confession.

"How does a flower symbolise something?"

Lance's jaw dropped open as Keith stared at him expectantly. He looked so innocent with his heart cocked to the side in confusion, in conjunction with his disheveled appearance. He resembled a puppy, one that nobody could ever shout at or refuse."I- I-" Lance spluttered. He swallowed as an attempt to reduce the anxiety in the pit of his chest. Lance had no idea how to respond to the question because it wasn't as if he was the universe's top expert on flower symbolism and the reasons behind that. The most he knew he had learnt from his parents and a few books he had back home. "I don't know... it just does."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Keith, I came here to tell you something important; not to discuss flowers forever."

Keith's eyebrows furrowed as he pursed his lips. He folded his arms and leaned his head forward to emphasise his confusion surrounding the matter. "I think flower symbolism is quite important. It's probably made up by people who sell flowers to con stupid people out of their money."

Lance's smile faltered as he stared at the carnation in Keith's hand, a million regrets flooding through his mind. "Maybe this was a bad idea..." He lowered his shoulders and slumped over, dejected as his crush completely battered what he thought had been a cute, romantic gesture to use when confessing his feelings.

"What was a bad idea? You giving me the flower?" Lance nodded, refusing to meet Keith's gaze out of pure embarrassment. "I do like it. I just think all the symbolism stuff is garbage."

"I really like you, Keith!" Lance blurted out, scrunching his face up as he couldn't hold it in any longer. Lance knew the time he had with Keith may be short and the feelings were beginning to feel like the weight of the world on top of him, squishing him and removing all of the air from his lungs. Holding them in any longer was going to hurt him further and he couldn't take it anymore. When Keith didn't reply, he cracked a single eye open to study his facial expression. Keith blinked, edging his head forward to show that he didn't quite understand the meaning behind Lance's words. He wouldn't have understood if Lance had held up a flashing sign that said _I'm in love with you and I have been since the Garrison, Keith!_

"Shiro told me the rivalry was a joke so I know you don't really hate me."

"That isn't what I meant..." As each moment passed and Keith continued not to understand, the anxiety grew. It was a sponge absorbing water as it ate in each negative emotion until it was spread throughout Lance's entire body. Lance had never resonated with Hunk more so he turned his head to the left as nausea washed over him. His stomach did a backflip and, for a short moment, he thought he was going to vomit all over his crush's carpet (but luckily he didn't).

"Then what did you mean?"

"I have a crush on you! I've had a crush on you since I first laid my eyes on you. You're kind and funny and sweet and you're such a badass!" With how much Lance was blushing and scrunching his face up, he might as well have been an anime girl fangirling over her one love.

"You have a crush on me? But- But why?"

"Because you're awesome, Keith! It- It would be so much easier if I didn't but I do. I can't help it. I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore." Keith didn't say a word as he shoved the carnation back into Lance's hand and raced out of the room. Lance was left, all alone and disappointed as he watched his crush flee the conversation. There was no way for Lance to read Keith's mind so he could only assume Keith was turning him down without even attempting to give him an excuse. Lance had liked Keith for so many years and had just been rejected so he wasn't sure whether he wanted to break down or hide away in his room for the rest of eternity. In the end, Lance gently placed the flower onto Keith's pillow before wiping his tear-filled eyes and walking out.

-

"Shiro!" Keith yelled, banging his fists against Shiro's bedroom door frantically. He didn't stop repeating the name or knocking until the door opened up to reveal Shiro. Keith launched himself forward before collapsing all but gracefully onto Shiro's bed.

"What happened? Is everything okay?" Shiro questioned as Keith buried his head into Shiro's pillow and groaned.

"Lance has a crush on me!" His words were muffled by the material of the pillow but Shiro could just about make out what he was saying.

"That's great!" Shiro grinned but the grin faltered as soon as Keith emitted a second groan which was just as long as the first one. His body went lax onto the bed as he let self pity and confusion wash through him like a tidal wave. Keith had never truly liked anyone before, let alone dated anyone so he had no idea how to respond to Lance's confession. Did he like Lance? Did he want to commit to a relationship? Was he ready for all of that? "Do you not like him back? All this time, I thought-"

"Do I like him? I've never been in a relationship before. How do I know if I like him?"

"I can't tell you whether you like him or not. That's for you to decide." Keith pulled himself up so he was sat cross-legged on the bed and could properly look at Shiro. He leaned his head forward in conjunction with his wide, pleading eyes with the hope that Shiro would help him. "Look, Keith," Shiro sat opposite the red paladin, holding out his hand. Keith reached forward and intertwined their fingers together to calm himself down. He couldn't help but think about how Lance's skin was so much softer but he appreciated the gesture regardless. "It is impossible for me to tell you how you feel. Only you know what's going on in your head."

"But I don't understand. How does it even feel to love someone?"

"It's wonderful, Keith. A crush makes you feel like you're on top of the word. They give you a tingly feeling whenever you touch each other. Their jokes always make you laugh even if they aren't actually funny..."

"That doesn't make sense. Why would you laugh at something that isn't funny?"

Shiro let out a soft chuckle, finding Keith's childlike naivety adorable. "Because you want to make them happy. You want to spend as much time with them as possible. You just want them."

"Does that mean I like Lance?"

"I don't know. Does it? Think about it, how does Lance make you feel?"

Keith tried to think back to the first time he had seen Lance but he couldn't remember. Lance had just been another student at the Garrison; someone who just contributed to the crowds and noises. Keith had been too busy back then trying to avoid meltdowns to acknowledge any of his classmates. He hadn't had a single friend for the entire duration of the time at the Garrison so he didn't bother learning names. If anyone seemed to pop up in his life on a regular basis, he would give them a nickname like "big glasses" or "stuck up rich kid". Keith had only interacted with Lance on a couple of occasions so he hadn't been significant enough to get a nickname at all.

Keith couldn't remember how he felt upon stumbling across Lance on his last day on Earth. All he could recall was the ecstasy he felt after finding Shiro. He had been too preoccupied to think about Lance but who wouldn't have been? Shiro was Keith's stand-in big brother who had mysteriously gone missing and Keith was seeing him for the first time in a weeks. He couldn't think about someone who had once been a nobody to him when Shiro was right there, having just been rescued from an alien battleship.

"I'm sure Lance wouldn't mind giving you some time if you need to think about it." Keith let out a gentle sigh as he glanced at their intertwined hands. His eyebrows were furrowed and his bottom lip had jutted out just enough to form a pout. Most of his life, Shiro had given him the best advice and helped him through difficulties which Keith was extremely grateful for. Keith just didn't like that Shiro couldn't tell him exactly how he felt. Sometimes Keith wished people could read his mind so they could understand the way in which his mind worked.

"I guess I'll think about it then."


	9. Chapter 9

Keith was laying on his bed, earphones in his ears and eyes shut as he listened to one of his favourite audiobooks. He had listened to it so much that he could recite most of it by heart but that didn't stop him from listening to it again. He had the volume up high enough not to hear a gentle knock on his door. Once the person on the other side of the door realised Keith wasn't going to answer, they took it upon themselves to open it and step inside.

Eyes flickering to the doorway, Keith noticed he had company in the form of a bashful Coran. He was holding what looked like armour, hugging it as if it were his own child. Keith sat up, tugging out his earphones so he could ask Coran what the armour was about.

"A long time ago... before you died, Allura told me that you found your armour too scratchy. I- It took me ages to make but I finally did it. Would you like to feel it?"

Keith didn't say anything as he rose onto his feet and reached out a tentative hand to brush against the material. He was greeted with something that felt just like his jacket- soft and warm. He couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips. "It's perfect."

"You can try it on now if you would like? Just to make sure I got the sizing right and everything."

Nodding his head, Keith shuffled Coran out of his room. Once the door was shut, he tugged off his clothes so he could pull on the armour. He stepped into the trouser legs and pushed his arms into the sleeves before zipping it up at the back. His grin only grew wider once he realised that it felt perfect. He raised his arms, doing what looked like a random dance to test the flexibility of the suit. It didn't scratch at his skin; nor was it too tight. Keith called for Coran to come back into the room, still mesmerised by how comfortable the outfit was.

"Do you like it?" Coran was frowning which, in conjunction with his furrowed eyebrows, made it appear like he was expecting a negative reaction.

Instead, Keith's face lit up and he said, "It's amazing. I love it, Coran. Thank you so much."

"No problem, son." The word slipped out of Coran's mouth before he could process it but, as soon as he realised what he had said, he slapped a hand over his mouth. "I- I'm so sorry, Keith. That was uncalled for."

"No, no, I think I like it. Shiro's my stand-in big brother and you're my stand-in dad. Voltron as a whole is my stand-in family. I guess it makes up for all those foster homes, hey?"

Coran smiled ever so softly before nodding his head. "I'm glad you like the suit. If there's ever anything else you need me to do, just give me a shout."

"Thanks, Coran. You're the best!"

-

Training occurred at around the same time every day which Keith strongly appreciated. It was just long enough after lunch for their food to have settled down so even the logic behind its timing was sound. Keith was always the first person to show up, eager for an opportunity to improve and vent some of his internal frustrations. Shiro was usually next, followed by Hunk, Allura and Pidge. Lance was always last and often turned up without his bayard or helmet which had made Allura question his dedication to the team multiple times.

As Lance strolled into the training room, he refused to even glance at Keith. He hung his head and chose not to say a word so the attention wasn't focused on him. That was unusual in itself as Lance liked to make a scene. Sometimes he strolled in whilst belting his favourite song from back on Earth and, other times, he had told Allura a pick up line and sent her a pair of finger guns. As a kid who was raised in drama clubs, Lance was used to having all of the attention of him and he basked in it more often than not. Allura cleared her throat so each paladin focused on her instead of the blue paladin. "Today we will be doing some basic sparring. It will involve hand-to-hand combat as I'm sure you have all become familiar with your bayards by now. We will make it a competition."

"What's the prize?" Pidge asked, eyebrows raised as a playful smile spread across her face. As the smallest paladin, she didn't have much of a chance but that wouldn't stop her from trying. Despite her size, she was one of the most competitive of Team Voltron.

"_Can you imagine how good it will feel if you murdered all of your friends? How powerful you will be?_" Keith snapped his head around to look for the owner of the voice but there wasn't anyone there. He turned to look at each of his friends but none of them were mentioning the peculiar voice, insinuating that they hadn't heard it. Suddenly uncomfortable, Keith dropped his gaze to the floor and began shifting his weight from one foot to another.

"Bragging rights?" Shiro offered with a shrug. Allura let out a tiny chuckle, shaking her head at the leader's nonchalance.

"That's boring..." Pidge folded her arms as she rolled her eyes to exaggerate her statement. "How about the winner gets to tell the losers what to do for the rest of the day?" Each paladin turned to Allura to obtain consent, half expecting her to dismiss the idea. No one was willing to say it but they thought she had a tendency to be uptight (with the team's best interests in the back of her mind). After she nodded and the odds of the competition were raised, each paladin swore to try their best.

"Okay, I think Hunk and Pidge should fight first. Winner stays on and loser switches out." Hunk and Pidge nodded in unison and exchanged a competitive frown before moving to the centre of the room to get into their positions. Pidge maintained her usual stance with her feet shoulder-width apart and her fists raised. Her face wore an expression of pure determination, composed of furrowed eyebrows and a deep frown. Hunk's pose was more relaxed as he was smiling gently; the only sign he was prepared to fight was a glint in his eye.

Allura called out for them to begin and Pidge sprang into action. She leaped forward and swung a fist, choosing against holding back. Hunk dodged just in time but, before he could counter-attack, Pidge had grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back to restrict all of his movements. He tried to struggle out of the grip but Pidge quickly knocked him to the ground. His face hit the mat so hard that he saw stars for a short moment but Pidge's confidence didn't falter. She couldn't risk wasting even a second to think because there wasn't the time in the middle of an intense battle with brutal aliens that had become an enemy to the entire universe. She held him down with her hands pressed into his shoulders and a leg between his legs until Allura finished counting down from five.

"That's embarrassing, man," Lance joked, a smile tugging at his lips as he helped Hunk get back on his feet. "I mean she's like half your size." He was trying to play his usual quips but there didn't seem to be as much enthusiasm behind it. No one noticed, most likely because Lance's grin was enough to throw everyone off. It didn't quite reach his eyes but the team failed to realise.

"Lance, you're next." Lance nodded to Allura before getting into position with his bayard poised.

Lance came out victorious that time, probably because Pidge let her cockiness get the better of her. Within the bat of an eyelid, Lance had flipped Pidge onto the mat like some sort of pro wrestler. Keith was analysing each of their movements to best prepare for his turn and couldn't help but notice how graceful Lance had looked. He made sparring look more like a beautiful dance and Keith just couldn't tear his gaze away from it. The one thought lingering in the back of his mind was that Lance looked good. Was that what having a crush made you feel like?

"_He looks good because you want to be the one fighting him. You want to be the one to finish him off and wipe that stupid smile off of his face._" Keith blinked, well aware that the voice was all in his head. He shook his head in response to the dark words, even though he knew it made him look peculiar in front of his friends.

"Keith!" Jolting his head around to look at whoever called his name, his jaw dropped open and his eyes widened. Allura had her arms folded across her chest with one of her eyebrows raised much higher than the other. "I have been calling you for at least five doboshes. Please pay attention next time!"

Keith's mind was on overdrive as he got into his stance opposite the blue paladin. He had sparred with Lance a million times in the past and that time was no different but Keith couldn't brush off the unease eating at him. Allura shouted for them to begin and Keith tried to distract himself with the fight with the hope that it would help drown the voice out. He raced forward and tackled Lance to the ground. Lance hit the mat with a thud but, all of a sudden, Keith couldn't breathe.

Someone was applauding Keith for his victory but he wasn't paying enough attention to figure out who it was. An image of himself raising a sword in the air and impaling Lance was running through his head over and over again, resembling the vision Keith had experienced before his temporary death. Without even realising, Keith released a blood curdling scream that sounded like it had come straight out of a horror movie. All he could hear was Lance sobbing and groaning from the pain of being stabbed, in conjunction with an abundance of voices, so he covered his helmet where his ears were hiding beneath with his hands to drown it out.

"_Wasn't that a wonderful thing to watch?_"

"_You should do it for real this time. I bet he's pretty when he's bleeding out_."

"_You know Lance is just a stupid burden on the team. You'll be doing Voltron a favour._"

Knowing he was on the verge of vomiting from all of the anxiety dwelling in the pit of his stomach, Keith attempted to pull himself up. Upon doing so, he met eyes with Shiro who had attempted to approach him and break him out of his panicked trance. "Get- Get away from me!" He tried to whisper but it came out as more of a yell. Everything was muffled so Keith couldn't tell how loudly he was speaking. Keith couldn't tell what was real and what was a hallucination as a million voices batted off each other inside his head; they soon merged into his friends' voices.

"_Lance, come on buddy... you have to stay with me. Stay awake._"

"_Talk to me!_"

He needed to get to one of his safe spaces. He tried for the door, legs like jelly beneath him but his knees gave in before he could make it. Keith removed his hands from his helmet in an attempt to catch himself but failed. He toppled into someone's arms instead.

"_I can't believe you. You- You traitor!_"

"_I knew it. I knew we couldn't trust a Galra._"

Whoever caught him began to hush him as they helped him sit on the floor. Once he was propped up against the wall, the person helped remove his helmet. The muffled noises and voices faded away at their own pace until Keith's hearing was clear again. Realising he had just broken down in front of his entire team, he pulled his knees to his chest and began to rock back and forth to calm himself down. He buried his head into his hands and pressed his nails into his cheeks with as much force as he could muster.

"Keith, you're alright. Just breathe with me, okay?" Keith only listened to the voice because it seemed like it was closer than the other voices running through his head and it sounded like Shiro. He could trust Shiro. He inhaled and exhaled deeply in time with the person with him until the hyperventilation passed. It took a long moment but everyone was patient- something that was vital when Keith was panicking.

"C-Can't-" Keith tried to say but stumbled on his words as he suddenly forgot how to form coherent sentences. Shiro hushed him and assured him that he didn't need to speak. After a moment, Shiro gently pulled Keith's hands away from his face to stop him from hurting himself. There were indents in his cheek were his nails had applied pressure but there weren't any signs of the colour red which was positive. Keith's response was to begin tracing shapes on Shiro's palm and play with his fingers with fragile touches. For a long while, nobody said a word.

Shiro reached forward and brushed Keith's fringe from his eyes. Everyone was concerned for Keith's wellbeing so didn't notice that Lance had to look away from the scene in front of him. He suddenly felt like he understood why Keith didn't like him back: they didn't share a bond nearly as strong as Shiro and Keith's. Keith probably had some sort of feelings for Shiro; not him. Lance shook his head to himself in an attempt to discourage his selfishness. Keith was hurting and all he was doing was thinking about himself.

Keith leaned closer to Shiro before murmuring something so quietly that only Shiro could hear. The black paladin nodded before turning back to the group with a deep frown spread across his face. "Keith said he was sorry and he can't spar with Lance again. He won't say why."

Lance's heart shattered into a million pieces as Shiro finished speaking. _It was his fault._ Something he had done resulted in Keith's breakdown so, in a way, he was no better than an enemy. Before he could breakdown in front of his friends, he stumbled backwards and raced out of the room. He only let tears escape once he was safely shut away in his bedroom where nobody could see him.

Collapsing onto his bed so harshly that he bounced against the hard mattress, Lance wished he could go back in time and prevent himself from ever confessing to Keith. He had ruined everything, hadn't he? He had just lost Keith all over again but, that time, he wasn't dead, he was within Lance's reach. He could hold out his arm and brush his fingertips against Keith's skin but Keith hated him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm only really uploading to say that updates might(?) be put on hold for a bit. I'm having a reaaaally hard time with social anxiety and I moved out of my family home to go to uni yesterday. Let's just say I've cried enough to hydrate the entire world for a week and yesterday I was only able to eat three biscuits all day :))) 
> 
> Oh and this is unedited because my eyes are literally stinging from crying so much so it's hard to read my computer screen lmao

"There's a lot of tension between you two," Allura began, pointing a single finger at Lance and Keith. Keith had his arms folded which, in conjunction with his stern expression, made it look like he thought he had better places to be. Lance, despite being the team's social butterfly, had never looked so awkward. He had his shoulders hunched whilst his hands were buried deep into his pockets and he refused to look anyone in the eye. "So I'm going to send you on a small mission together." Keith didn't appear too bothered as his expression remained the same but Lance's jaw tensed up. Allura seemed satisfied with their reactions as she raised her eyebrows and leaned back, a grin spreading across her face.

"I don't think that's a good idea, princess." Lance murmured, swallowing thickly as an attempt to calm the tremble in his voice.

"Really, Lance? Just a few movements ago you'd have been more than happy to have some alone time with Keith." Allura smirked as a pink blush spread across Lance's cheeks. Lance diverted his gaze down to his feet with the hope that none of the team would notice the extra colouring on his face. He was meant to be the team's flirt so it wasn't in his best interest to be seen getting flustered over a simple blush.

"_If you go with him, you'll have the perfect chance to kick him off the team. Voltron doesn't need a liability like Lance._" Keith shook his head to himself, choosing to ignore the voice and pretend it wasn't even there in the back of his mind.

"I'll go on my own." Keith spoke up with a shrug as if it wasn't that big of a deal to try and not give himself away. Alone time was something Keith always appreciated anyway, even if that meant putting his life at risk on an extra mission.

"No, you must go together and bond."

Lance turned to Keith and scanned his posture before finally asking, "What do you need us to do?" Keith was indifferent about the mission because he couldn't really see a problem with spending extra time with Lance. Sure, there was some tension as a result of the muddled up feelings but that was easy enough to push aside so they could prioritise the lives of everyone in the universe. If Keith wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, neither would Lance.

"That's more like it! We need more food supplies. Hunk has made a list and expects you to collect the items from the space mall."

"Is that all?"

"That's all." That didn't seem like that difficult a mission. All Lance had to do was forget about his feelings and ignore the heavy tension between him and Keith for long enough to get the supplies. He could do that easily.

-

The space mall was much busier that time as crowds heaved in and out of each store. Lance wasn't bothered by the noise and wasn't made at all claustrophobic by the lack of space so he pulled out Hunk's list and scanned the items on it. "I'm not sure what some of these are... Maybe we should split up. Ask around a bit, you know?" Lance lifted his gaze to look at Keith whose face was scrunched up for some reason. He looked like he was having an internal debate with his eyes squeezed shut and eyebrows furrowed. It was a peculiar sight, considering Lance couldn't read the red paladin's mind.

"_There are so many people around... all you need to do is bring out your bayard. Can you imagine all the blood? All the screams? The looks of fear? It would be beautiful._" Keith scrunched his face up, shaking his head in a weak attempt to get the voice to leave him alone.

"Are you alright?"

Keith snapped his eyes back open as if he had forgotten Lance was there. "No." He blurted out, hardly having processed what Lance had said. His eyes darted around their surroundings as he buried his trembling hands into the pockets of his trousers.

"No you're not alright or no we shouldn't split up?"

"Split up." Regardless of how skeptical he was, Lance nodded his head.

"Okay then... We might as well start at the top of the list and work our way down." Keith appeared restless as his hands escaped his pockets, allowing him to fold his arms across his chest. He did, however, nod in agreement with the hope that they would be able to get through the list as quickly as possible. "First up, noodles!"

-

"Look!" Keith practically yelled, not anticipating how loud it would come out. Like a child in a sweet shop, he pointed at something with a wide grin spread across his face. Lance swerved around where he was standing, thinking Keith may have found the noodles. He hadn't; he was pointing at a small packet of carnations. "Carnations are our flower."

"Our... flower?" Lance's heart dropped and, for a brief moment, he thought he was going to pass out. He wanted to try and do everything he could to repress his feelings but that was difficult when Keith was just so adorable and so oblivious.

"You gave it to me. It was a carnation, right?" Keith's face fell and he dropped his arm back to his side, dejected at the thought that he may have got it wrong. At that point, he looked more like a child in a sweet shop who had been denied of sweets.

"_It was red, wasn't it? The colour of blood._" The voice murmured in the back of Keith's mind but he ignored it to continue his conversation with Lance.

"It was a carnation..." Lance murmured but he refused to look up and meet Keith's gaze. He desperately wanted to forget that conversation had ever happened but Keith was bringing it up again. Swallowing thickly, Lance forced himself to face Keith.

"Oh."

"Keith, I think we should talk." Lance's brain wasn't working in cooperation with his lips so, as soon as the words came out, Lance wanted to take them back. If he hadn't been in public, he would have hit his head against the wall multiple times but he couldn't do that. He had to stand in front of his crush and best friend and pretend that the words were genuine, not just a keyboard smash of the mind.

"About what?"

"What I told you the other day. I'm just- I'm sorry. If I messed up our friendship, I-"

"What are you talking about? You didn't mess anything up?" Lance turned to take in Keith's expression, wondering if Keith was trying to protect his feelings. He genuinely did seem confused as his eyes were wide and innocent with a hazey glimmer to them. When Lance took a moment to respond, he continued to speak. "Weren't noodles on the list?" The question breaking him away from his thoughts, Lance stared at Keith with his mouth opening and closing like a fish's.

"Oh... uh, yeah." Keith reached into a basket full of food packets and pulled out a few noodles. Silence washed over them as it was made apparent that Keith didn't care for the topic being raised again. Lance didn't understand how Keith could drop it so easily when he could dwell on it for hours, tossing and turning a million questions through his mind. Keith started walking towards the counter but Lance choked out a soft call of his name to stop him in his tracks. "Why did you run away after I confessed?"

"I needed to talk to Shiro," Keith shrugged, face neutral as if his answer was the most obvious thing in the world. "Can I have some of the money?" He held out his hand to accept it, though both of them just stared at his open palm for a long moment.

As Lance reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out some coins, he whispered a weak, "Shiro?"

"I don't understand my own feelings and Shiro told me it was okay to have some time to think."

"So you don't hate me?" Lance's voice raised in intonation as much as his eyebrows climbed his forehead. A smile tugged at his lips as hope was let loose, running through his veins and overtaking his bloodstream.

"Of course I don't. Why would you think that?" Lance pursed his lips and shook his head to himself, trying his best to repress the urge to jump up and down on the spot. The conversation terminated there as Keith went up to the counter to pay for the noodles. Lance lingered behind him and watched the exchange with the cashier, his heart thumping inside his chest as he realised there was a chance (no matter how minute) that Keith really did like him back.

"_I like your style, red paladin. Pretend to like him so he learns to trust you. Then, at the last minute, stab him in the back._" Keith slid the noodles over the counter so the shop assistant could scan them.

Once Keith acknowledged that the cashier was too distracted to pay attention to him, he murmured, "That's not what I'm doing." He knew it wouldn't shut the voice up but it worked to reassure himself that he would never hurt Lance.

"Huh?" Lance questioned from behind Keith, leaning forward to hear Keith as he spoke again.

"Nothing, nothing..."

-

The voices became all the more intrusive as Keith and Lance got further down the list. By the time they were half way, the voice was practically screaming at him to hurt his friend.

"_He's vulnerable. Look,_" Keith raised his head to look at Lance who was staring into the distance with a dazed expression on his face. "_He isn't paying attention. It's the perfect time to swipe a hit!_" Subconsciously, his hand wrapped around his bayard and clenched onto it.

"Dude, are you alright? You've been brooding all day." Clearly, Lance had been paying attention but that still didn't get the voice to shut up.

"_Tell him you're fine. He'll think you're a psycho if you tell him you've been hearing things._"

Opening his mouth and closing it again as he debated whether to be honest or not, he settled on a weak, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure because you've been-"

"I'm fine, Lance. Please don't worry about me."

-

Lance had just finished paying for the final item when he realised Keith wasn't with him. He thanked the cashier with the calmest expression he could muster and only allowed himself to panic when he exited the shop. He pushed through the crowds of people, calling Keith's name out every so often but it just faded into the rest of the bustling. Once he made it back to the entrance of the mall and still couldn't find Keith, he wasn't sure what to do. With trembling hands, Lance reached for the phone-like device Pidge had supplied them with before the mission, opening it up and pressing a button that allowed him to communicate with the Castle of Lions. He held the device to his ear whilst he tapped his right foot, silently begging them to _pick up, pick up, pick up_.

Allura was the one to pick up the transmission so her face filled the screen. She smiled as a short greeting but the smile vanished once she saw Lance's pale, worry-ridden face. "Lance? Is everything okay?" She questioned with furrowed eyebrows, well aware Pidge said to only use the phone for emergencies.

"Uh, not really." Bashfully, Lance avoided eye contact and scratched his neck with the hand that wasn't holding the phone. "I lost Keith."

"You lost Keith!" Shiro yelled, pushing past Allura to look at Lance. Lance shrunk back, body hunching over as he nodded his head with sparkling eyes.

"One moment he was with me then I went to pay and he was gone when I next turned around! I searched as much of the space mall as I could but it's so crowded." Lance's voice was shaking, a clear sign that he was concerned for the red paladin too.

"Crowded?" For a short moment, Shiro looked thoughtful. He diverted his gaze to the ceiling and chewed on his bottom lip. "He must have gone somewhere quiet. I- I should be there, he's probably having a meltdown. He shouldn't be alone."

"No, this could be a good bonding opportunity. Just tell Lance what to do."

Shiro frowned, eyebrows furrowed in concern but he soon repressed it. He figured that he could trust Lance to ensure Keith was comfortable and that he wouldn't make anything worse. "Look in any quiet place you can find. The bathrooms may be a good start," Lance nodded, glancing around at his surroundings in search of a sign for bathrooms. "If he isn't in there, look for storage cupboards and things like that."

"Should I keep you on the phone?"

"Yeah." Lance nodded a second time before pushing through the crowds again. There were people bumping into him from every direction, all releasing their own body heat and making the area suffocating even for him. The toilets weren't far from the entrance so it didn't take long to see a bright green sign that flashed with a few peculiar symbols on it. He pushed into the one with a peculiar looking merman on the door before calling out Keith's name. When he was only met with silence, he tried a few more times, each time growing all the more desperate.

"He isn't in the bathroom." Lance concluded before heading back into the heart of the shopping centre. Everything seemed so much louder and busier as his heart pounded in his chest and he considered the tiny possibility that he would never see Keith again. He couldn't lose him again.

"Storage rooms."

"I'm just looking now." Lance walked as close to the wall as possible in search of any unused doors. He settled on one just outside the Earth shop before wrapping his hand around the handle and tugging it open. The light seeping in from the shopping centre was the only source of brightness but it was sufficient enough to reveal Keith. "I found him..." Lance trailed off as he stepped towards the red paladin who was hugging his legs and staring ahead as if his mind was in a different world. "Keith?"

"Lance, is he alright?" Shiro's concerned voice rang through the phone but Lance ignored it, pressing the volume button a couple of times to quieten the voices of the rest of the team. He needed to focus on making Keith feeling better and an abundance of different voices wasn't going to help.

Lance edged towards Keith before bending down so they were at the same height. "Keith? Can you hear me? Everything's alright." Then he made the mistake of leaning forward to place a hand on Keith's shoulder: it was his natural instinct when it came to comfort. An expression full of terror washed over Keith before he jerked his arm out. It smashed into Lance hard enough for him to stumble backwards and fall on his backside. "Shiro?" Lance's voice was trembling as he pressed the phone to his ear and spoke into it again.

"Is Keith okay?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to do. I think- I think I made it worse." As Lance's bottom lip trembled, tears dribbled down his cheeks. All he wanted to do was help Keith but he had no idea where to start, especially when he couldn't touch him. Lance had never been good at comforting people with words but had been told that his hugs were like a magical remedy when it came to lowering levels of anxiety.

"Is he verbal?"

Lance leaned forward, opening his mouth and closing it again a few times before realising that Keith didn't even seem to realise he was there. His eyes were glassy as if he was staring right through Lance. "Uh... n-no?"

"Is he properly acknowledging you?"

"It's like he's looking straight through me, Shiro."

"Leave him alone. Just sit with him until he acknowledges you."

Lance wiped his tear-filled eyes with his fists as he tried to avoid looking at Keith. Seeing him in such a state and knowing he couldn't help him hurt his heart. "I- I can't just not do anything..." His voice cracked in desperation whilst Shiro watched him through the phone.

"I know it's hard but touching him or talking to him might make it worse."

Lance crossed his legs so he was sitting in a more comfortable position. He was going to be patient. For Keith's sake. He swallowed and stared down at his lap in an attempt to suppress the urge to sob. He closed his eyes and counted each of his breaths like Hunk did whenever he felt an oncoming panic attack.

Lance wasn't sure how much time passed before Keith acknowledged his presence by looking up. He blinked as if he was trying to figure out who Lance was, his eyes drinking in his facial expression. After a long moment, he pulled himself up onto his feet. Neither of them said anything as they headed back out into the space mall which had filtered out whilst they had been in the storage room. Keith stuck right by Lance's side as they boarded the blue lion together and made their way back to the Castle of Lions. Once they had landed, Keith headed straight to his bedroom where he knew there wouldn't be too much pressure on him. "Is he going to be alright?" Lance questioned, chewing on his bottom lip as he watched Keith disappear down the hall.

"He needs time alone, I think. He always likes quiet and darkness. Leave him alone to recharge and I assure you he'll be fine." Shiro pat Lance on the back with a sympathetic smile on his face. He, of all people, knew how difficult it was to see someone they loved in pain.

"Wait, I just realised something," Everyone turned to look at Lance out of curiosity towards his sudden outburst. "I left the food in Blue!"  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how much you care but like.. I'm alive and I haven't cried since Sunday which is progress!!

"_The __blue paladin clearly cares about you. It's endearing really. Won't it make it so much more entertaining when you finally dispose of him?_"

"No." Keith mumbled into his empty bedroom, hunching over to make himself as small as possible.

"_Come on, you're half Galra. You're genetically predisposed to be a monster._"

"I'm not."

"_Yeah, you are. Don't you remember the kick you used to get from violence back at the Garrison? You got expelled for it, didn't you?_"

"Yeah but I couldn't help it." Pulling his legs up to his chest and burying his head into his knees, Keith attempted to keep his breathing at a steady pace. The voice was only going to get more power if it knew how much it was breaking him down and pulling at his emotions. He just wanted it to leave him alone at that point.

"_Couldn't help it? Poor excuse. I'd say it was your body's natural instinct to hurt people. That's what the Galra do and you're one of them. If you accept it, you can have much more fun with it. There's no use beating yourself up over something when it's so fun._"

"I'm not going to purposely hurt anyone."

"_You should. If you don't want to kill Lance, how about Shiro? You know he never really cared about you, right? The Garrison assigned him to your case so you didn't cause too much of a disruption. He didn't choose you like you thought he did. He was forced to be your mentor. I bet he hated it too. Anyone would hate being screamed at most of the time, wouldn't they?_"

Hands making his way to his hair, Keith began to tug harshly. His face scrunched up in what appeared to be in pain as he rocked his body back and forth in an attempt to shake the voice away. "I will never hurt Shiro."

"_Then the midget. What's her name, Pidge? I'm sure you could squish her like a bug._"

"I won't hurt anyone!" Keith didn't mean to raise his voice but he couldn't help it when frustration was pooling into his chest. "I love all of my friends and will never ever lay a hand on them. I'm a good person and I know it!"

"_A good person, huh? You punched Lance earlier._"

"It was an accident."

"_You can't punch someone accidentally, Keith. I know you wanted to hurt him. You wanted to hear him cry out in pain and fall back. You enjoyed it. I bet you really want to do it all over again, don't-_" Keith was forced to direct his attention away from the voice when his bedroom door flew open to reveal Shiro and a plate of food.

"Hey, bud, I just thought I'd bring you some food. You must be starving after today." Grinning, Shiro handed the plate over to Keith who simply placed it down beside him. Upon noticing Keith's anxious body language, Shiro raised his eyebrows and perched on the edge of the bed. "Are you feeling okay? Do you have a headache?"

Keith wanted to lie but then the voice started to yell at him, making him wince in an obvious way. "_This is your moment, Keith! You're all alone with him! You can slit his throat with your favourite knife and not a single person would need to know about it!_" Instead of the response he wanted, Keith just let out a strangled cry, tears escaping down his cheeks after being held in for so long.

"Hey, hey, talk to me. What's up?" Shiro held out his hand so Keith could intertwine their hands and play with his fingers as he always did when he was upset for whatever reason. All Keith did was stare at it for a long moment before dropping his gaze to his lap.

"I- I-"

"_Don't tell him about me, Keith. You know what he'll do. He'll tell all of the others and then they'll kick you out the airlock. They don't need a liability like some psycho on the team. This is an intergalactic war, Keith, individual lives don't matter._"

"Shut up!" Keith screamed, tugging at his hair much harder that time. Worried he was going to rip some of it out, Shiro reached up and gently prised his hands away. "Leave me alone! I can't take this anymore!" Shiro pulled himself up so he could back away and give Keith space.

"I'm sorry. I can come back-"

"No! Not you, Shiro!"

Concern suddenly multiplying by a million, Shiro leaned forward again whilst his eyebrows climbed his forehead. He softened his voice so that he didn't alarm Keith any further. "Who are you talking to then?"

"This voice! It won't shut up! It keeps- It keeps telling me to hurt people but I don't want to. I don't want to hurt you, Shiro. Please- Please make it go away!"

As tears plummeted down Keith's cheeks and his entire body trembled, Shiro wished he could make it go away on his own. The best he could do was offer comfort and then speak to Allura and Coran about it afterwards to see if they had some sort of magical medication or something. "You don't have to hurt anyone, okay? You're okay and you're safe here. I'm here with you and I won't leave you, I promise." Shiro tried holding out his hand again but Keith didn't even look at it that time, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor.

"Don't kick me off the team," Keith sobbed, burying his head into his hands. "Voltron is the only real family I've known. I can't- can't live without it."

"That's not going to happen, alright? I can get you some sort of help, I swear. I'm going to find a way to make you feel better and figure out what's going on."

"_Aw, look, he cares about you. That makes hurting him so much more entertaining. Can you imagine the blood dripping down his neck and staining his shirt after you drive your favourite knife into his skin. He already has a scar on his nose, why not add another to his neck?_"

"Hey, hey," Shiro loosely wrapped his hand around Keith's wrist as he began to tug on his hair again. "I'll go and speak to Allura and Coran and see what they can do. Do you want to come with me?"

"No, I- I just want to sleep." After hearing all the voices and having another breakdown, all Keith wanted to do was lay in bed and try to forget it. Shiro nodded and sent him a quick, reassuring smile.

"If you need me, just come to my room whenever, okay? Even if it's in the middle of the night."

"Thanks, Shiro."

"Anything for my little brother."

Once Shiro was gone, Keith attempted to brush the uneasiness caused by the breakdown off as he dimmed his bedroom lights and put his earphones into his ears. He clicked the first audiobook he saw on his phone (Pidge had helped him charge it ever since they left Earth) because the screen had been too bright and had been feeding into a growing migraine. He lifted up his bed covers, basking in their softness, and slid beneath them. Usually he could lay in bed for hours with the stimulation of heavy blankets and audiobooks but it didn't feel right. All of a sudden, the covers seemed to heavy on top of him and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

A few short moments passed before Keith decided he was too uncomfortable. He shifted into a sitting position, kicking the covers away from him so that they fell onto a heap on the floor. He kept the earphones in his ears as he listened to someone contemplating life on Mars but moved his hands to his hair. Frustrated with the growing feeling that something was wrong, he pulled and pulled at the strands. He didn't even notice he was crying again until he felt a tear drip onto his leg. Keith tugged the earphones out of his ears and stood up as everything became too much. He tossed the phone onto his bed, indifferent about where it landed.

He started to pace. He was walking in circles around his tiny bedroom whilst he breathed in and out much too heavily. His head was pounding like a drum, so loudly that Keith felt he had to remove his hands from his hair to cover his ears. Pace. Pace. Pace. Why wasn't it helping? Why did Keith still feel like something wasn't right?

As a sharp pain shot through Keith's head, he howled in agony. HIs throat soon became raw from screaming as he collapsed to the ground, curling in on himself. The pain didn't seem to subside at all, only intensifying. He felt like someone was delivering multiple electric shocks of high voltages to his brain- high enough to kill him. He was going to die with his friends just a few rooms away, thanks to the Castle's stupid soundproof walls. Once upon a time, they had seemed like a blessing. It meant he could never hear Lance belting out lyrics to random songs as he got ready for training in the room next to his in the mornings. It also meant that Keith could make as much noise as he wanted without having to worry about someone else getting concerned.

Just when Keith thought it was over and he was going to pass out, he heard a whisper. It was saying Keith's name over and over again. The voice had returned and was trying to steal his attention for whatever reason.

Unable to get coherent words out, Keith screamed at the top of his lungs. His scream cracked and wavered in pitch as his throat had dried up as if he hadn't had a drink for days. He clenched his hands into tight fists and tried to hit his own forehead to get it out but the voice didn't go away. It only raised his volume.

"_You have to listen, my paladin,_" The voice murmured, the words echoing around Keith's mind. "_I'm part of you now. You can't get rid of me._"

Hot tears streamed down Keith's cheeks as he mentally begged whoever was in his head to leave him alone. He already felt drained from his shutdown so having to worry about even more auditory hallucinations wasn't at the top of his list of priorities at that given moment.

"_If you don't listen, it won't be you who suffers. It will be your precious friends,_" One particular image flashed in Keith's mind of him driving a sword into Lance's chest. It was so vivid that Keith almost felt like he was able to reach out and feel Lance's skin. "_I need information. That's all I need and your friends will be safe._"

Keith wiped his eyes with trembling, clenched fists. "W-What do you need me to do?"

"_Let your guard down for a bit. I'll do the hard work._"

"How do I-" Keith started but he couldn't finish his sentence as exhaustion washed over him like a tidal wave. As much as he wanted to fight it and stay awake, his eyelids were much too heavy and were falling shut all on their own. The sharp pains slowly fizzled into nothing as the voices got quieter and quieter... He drifted off...

-

Pidge mindlessly wandered down the corridor to the main control room. She expected the other paladins to be in bed so didn't anticipate bumping into anyone; she hadn't seen anyone at that time before. Pidge always struggled to sleep so had started to try and be productive instead of wasting time staring at a ceiling. She tapped in the code to unlock the door (weird fish symbol, swirly 'n', funny looking 'k' and the almost smiley face- not that she knew what any of those images represented). Once it flew open, she stepped inside and it took her a long moment to realise that she wasn't alone.

"Keith?" She said, eyebrows furrowed. Pidge didn't think Keith knew enough about technology not to cause serious damage in the control room. Accidentally pressing a single button could do anything from triggering the alarms to shutting down all the power on the ship. Allura had even warned Pidge that the small blue button on the corner of the control panel could open an emergency wormhole to anywhere in the universe.

"Oh, hi." Keith awkwardly replied with a wave of his hand; it was clear that he didn't expect to see anyone either.

"How did you get the password for this room? It took me ages to convince Allura to tell me." Pidge thinned her eyes beneath her glasses, placing her hands on her hips to add to her level of perceived authority. Whilst she trusted her team with her life, she was aware of the dangers involved in the control room.

Keith shrugged, standing up so his body covered the largest screen and Pidge couldn't see what was on it. "I asked politely and she told me."

"Are you hiding something?" Pidge attempted to push Keith to the side, mustering up all her strength as she pressed the palms of her hands into Keith's shoulders. He stayed rigid, not even budging in the slightest. "I know we're friends and all but that doesn't mean I can let you get away with things. Just tell me what you're doing." Pidge hated the anger that was beginning to filter in her tone but what she was saying was true. Keith was her fellow paladin but that didn't give him a 'get out of jail free' card for any suspicious activity.

"I was worried the Galra were coming so I tracked them," Keith scratched the back of his neck with a bashful smile on his face. Pidge frowned, well aware that Keith wasn't technologically smart. Unless he had acquired the skill overnight, there wasn't much of a chance that he had been able to learn how to code to track exact locations of nearby Galra ships. "Looks like we're safe for now."

"You know we can track nearby ships using our phones. Stop lying to me."

"Or what, midget?" Pidge's mouth fell open at the insult: she was appalled. Sure, Keith could be abrupt sometimes and he had a terrible temper but never had he been so blatantly rude. As an attempt to compose herself, she repositioned her glasses on her nose. Something was nagging at her, telling her that something was off with Keith but she didn't have a clue as to what that something may have been.

"I'm going to tell Shiro." Instantaneously, Keith's hand shot out to grab Pidge's wrist to secure her into place. His fingers easily wrapped around her thin arm. Her entire body stiffened at the touch as she tried to pull away, not wanting to believe how harsh Keith was being. "K-Keith, you're hurting me..." Keith's response was to bury his nails into Pidge's flesh with enough pressure to draw blood and elicit a yelp from the green paladin. The bashful smile on his face had formed a wicked smirk full of menace that Pidge had never seen on Keith before.

"You aren't going to tell anyone that you saw me here or I will make you regret it."

"Just let go of me!" Keith released her arm but not without a nasty glare.

"Now get out. There are some things I need to do." Pidge had never heard so much venom in Keith's voice so she found herself cooperating. She darted out of the control room with teary eyes, unsure whether she had dreamt her encounter with Keith or not. She wished she had dreamt it: she didn't want to believe that someone she had come to see as a friend had the tendency to act so wickedly.


	12. Chapter 12

"Hello?" Keith yelled at the top of his lungs, glancing around him in an attempt to figure out where he was. He was surrounded in a blackness that had become much too familiar for him. His breathing was picking up in speed as he frantically glanced around him in search of any signs of colour.

Starting to walk to see if he could get anywhere, Keith continued shouting out. When he realised everywhere was filled with the same blackness, he broke out into a sprint, despite his entire body begging him to stop. He ran until he couldn't run anymore and his knees gave in beneath him. He started to fall but it seemed like the floor didn't stop him. He fell and he fell, his body feeling as if it shared the weight of a feather. Just as he was about to let frustration and desperation take over, he started to hear voices. He couldn't make out what they were saying so attempted to run towards them but they were coming from every direction, circling him like a bird circling its prey. They got louder and louder until Keith was able to make out each word. It sounded like he was talking to Pidge but of course it wasn't him because he wasn't speaking. Keith screamed and screamed, unsure as to what was going on but hoping that his voice would somehow be heard.

All of a sudden, a picture began forming in front of him. He stepped closer as the lines became clearer and the picture became more vivid. It was him and Pidge in the main control room of the Castle. The fake-Keith had a harsh grip on Pidge's arm and was threatening her.

"Pidge!" Keith yelled. "That's not me! Don't listen to him! Pidge!" Tears were streaming down his cheeks as Pidge stormed out of the picture, her own eyes glistening. "Don't hurt her, please!" Keith wasn't even sure who he was trying to talk to but he begged them to listen. "Do whatever you want to me, just don't hurt Pidge!" Keith collapsed onto his knees, the image of his own hand wrapped around Pidge's wrist burnt into his mind.

-

"Allura, I need to speak to you," Shiro murmured, tapping the princess's shoulder to gain her attention. She swerved around with raised eyebrows and a pair of crossed arms. "It's about Keith."

"Keith? Is he alright?"

"Uh... not really... He told me that he has been hearing voices." Shiro shifted his weight from one foot to the other as a frown spread across his face. Allura started to chew on her lip, realising how serious it was. She had only expected him to mention Keith's shutdown at the space mall; not something so concerning that could prove to be a massive problem for the team.

"Oh dear..."

"I know. When I was with him earlier, he was screaming and crying and it was terrifying."

"I'm sure it was... Keith hasn't had it easy recently, has he?"

"He never has, Allura. I- I worry about him. Do you and Coran have something that could help him with the voices?"

"Maybe but we'd have to run some tests to ensure it is suited to human systems as well as Altean. We don't want to do any more harm."

"Thanks."

Allura exchanged a small, sympathetic smile with the black paladin. "You don't have to thank me. I just want Keith to be okay."

-

Hunk couldn't help but notice that Keith hadn't shown up to breakfast. Worried Keith would forget to eat at all, Hunk grabbed Keith a bowl of a granola-like substance (it was crunchy so Keith didn't have any problems with it) and headed to Keith's bedroom to check on him. With the hand that wasn't holding the bowl, Hunk knocked. A short moment later, the door flew open to reveal Keith but he was scowling. "What do you want?" He snapped, folding his arms and raising his eyebrows.

"You didn't come to breakfast so I brought you some food. I don't want you starving yourself again." Hunk explained with a friendly smile on his face. He held the bowl out for Keith to take but the red paladin just stared at it and rolled his eyes.

"I don't want your food."

"Oh, don't worry, it's crunchy. Just as you like it." To back up his statement, Hunk picked out a piece and bit down on it. His grin widened afterwards as if to say '_see!_'

"Leave me alone, Hunk."

"Come on buddy, you have to eat. Your body needs food for energy."

"I told you to leave me alone!" It was almost like a switch had been flicked in Keith's brain as he went from passive-aggressive to full on ballistic. His hand jerked out, knocking the bowl in Hunk's hands so it went crashing to the ground. The glass-like material smashed into a million pieces but Keith was still seething.

"Keith, buddy, calm down. You don't have to eat right now if you don't want to." Hunk tried to keep his voice neutral so he didn't alarm Keith further but that was difficult when he was petrified. He had never seen Keith so violent in a way that was filled to the brim with malice. It almost made the red paladin unrecognisable.

"I highly recommend you leave right now and don't say a single word about this to anyone."

"Keith?" Keith grabbed a fistful of Hunk's shirt so he could shove him backwards. Luckily, Hunk had a tendency to wear shoes around the Castle so didn't injure his feet on the shards of glass. Whilst Hunk was recovering from the push, Keith slammed his door shut so he wouldn't be bothered again.

Hunk didn't want anyone to be angry at Keith for what he did so didn't tell a soul as he cleaned up the glass shards. In his head, he was trying his hardest to justify Keith's behaviour because _Keith must still have been in shock from his death_.

-

"Where's Keith?" Allura asked, glancing between each of the paladins in search of an answer. Lance shrugged whilst Pidge and Hunk completely avoided eye contact.

"He could be in his room?" Shiro offered after realising no one else was going to respond. Allura had one hand on her hip as her eyebrows climbed her forehead, clearly unimpressed that no one kept tabs on Keith.

"Could you go and get him, please? I know he's having a hard time but we can't afford to skip training."

"I'm sure he has a reason." Shiro then shot out of the training room and down the halls to fetch Keith. He didn't bother knocking on his door, just opening it to see Keith lying flat out on his bed. He had his eyes shut and lips pursed as his body remained completely still. "Hey, buddy," He started, keeping his voice low so he didn't startle Keith too much. "We're meant to be training. Did you forget?"

Keith pulled himself up, making eye contact (that was weird in itself because Keith despised eye contact). "Stop treating me like a kid." He muttered, voice resembling a growl.

"Sorry... I spoke to Allura yesterday about what you told me." Keith turned his head and thinned his eyes to try and figure out what Shiro was talking about. The black paladin swallowed before taking a step towards Keith and holding out his hand. "The voices, Keith. She said that she can run some tests and-"

"I don't need tests, Shiro. I was making a big deal out of nothing. I'm perfectly fine."

"Are you sure? It seemed like it was beating you up a lot."

"Yeah, why do you have to be so clingy all the time? I can look after myself so I don't need you constantly following me around like some sort of helicopter parent."

"I'm just looking out for you..."

"Well stop! I hate it! Now get out so I can get into my armour. I'll meet you in the training room or whatever." Keith pushed Shiro out of his room with such a strength that it didn't seem playful. Shiro resembled a fish as his mouth opened and closed repeatedly, shocked at Keith's behaviour. He had been Keith's stand-in big brother for years and never had he seen him act so spitefully.

-

"Keith, are you happy to train with Lance today? As sword fighting is your forte, I think you could help teach Lance some of your tricks." Allura explained whilst everyone turned to watch Keith's reaction. Shiro, Pidge and Hunk all winced as they waited for him to snap. Lance and Allura had their eyebrows raised, unaware of the tension between the other three paladins.

"More than happy." Keith's smirk and compliance made Pidge feel uneasy for a brief moment. She brushed the uncomfortable feeling away because she knew Keith would never injure someone in the team. Especially not Lance. Keith loved Lance and that much was obvious to the entire team, even if Keith couldn't see it himself.

"You two can begin then. Get into formation."

Both paladins nodded and headed into the centre of the room. Keith got into his position, a smirk tugging at his lips as he held up his sword and mentally prepared himself for a fight. Lance stood opposite him, slower to get into position due to his inexperience with sword fighting. His hands were trembling where they were wrapped around the handle of the sword but he knew he didn't have anything to worry about: Keith would never hurt him.

Before Allura could even finish counting them in, Keith lunged forward and tackled Lance to the ground. A distant clap from Shiro filled the air as Lance waited for Keith to get off of him but he didn't. Keith held his sword with both hands, raising it into the air in slow motion.

"Funny," Lance laughed, though it sounded forced. An evil glint was lingering in Keith's eyes as he wondered how far Keith was willing to go. They were only sparring and the red paladin had done enough to be announced victorious. "Joke's over. You can get off of me now." Keith didn't stop. The last thing Lance heard was Shiro screaming Keith's name before immense pain flooded through his entire body. He couldn't fully register what had happened until he saw the sword sticking out of his chest and all the blood.

Black dots danced across Lance's vision and his breathing was ragged. With each breath, the pain intensified and _oh God he was going to die there, wasn't he?_ His ears were ringing and his eyelids felt like lead. He didn't want to die. Lance hadn't said goodbye to his family. He needed to explain to them why he left.

He hadn't had a serious partner. He hadn't adopted a child. He hadn't saved the universe. He was just a kid. He couldn't die before accomplishing his dreams but he was just so tired...

"Lance? Come on, buddy, you have to stay with me. Stay awake." Hunk cried, brushing a piece of Lance's fringe out of his eye. "Talk to me! I know how much you love talking so do it. Talk to me!" Hunk let out a heavy sob as he clung onto his best friend, tears dribbling down his face and falling onto Lance's own cheeks. "Say anything! Tell me about your mum or- or your annoying brothers. Heck, flirt with me. Just say something," Hunk had completely blocked out the world and the sounds of the others experiencing their own forms of grief so could only hear Lance's weak breathing. "Tu familia estaría tan orgullosa de ti. Estoy orgulloso de ti, Lance."

Lance was torn out of Hunk's arms as Shiro lifted him up and took to the medbay. The yellow paladin scrunched his eyes shut, nausea washing over him as he recalled memories of the boy he had known since he was a child. He remembered first meeting Lance because they had been assigned each other as roommates back at the Garrison. Hunk had walked in on Lance practicing flirty pick up lines and doing finger guns in the mirror, something that he still teased the blue paladin about to that very day. Hunk remembered Lance teaching him extra Spanish outside of school and how much he would laugh whenever Hunk butchered any pronunciation or spelling. They had considered it their own secret language because hardly anyone at the Garrison spoke Spanish besides Lance and his sister who was in the year above them. Hunk remembered Lance comforting him through each of his panic attacks and how he had become accustomed to the calming sound of Lance's voice.

Hunk's hands were stained with the blood of his best friend and it hurt more than any physical wound ever would.

Whilst Hunk was mourning, Allura and Pidge were handling Keith. Keith didn't seem bothered, aside from the occasional twitch of his eye. Allura shoved the red paladin up against the wall, tears glistening in her eyes as she sent him a rigid glare. "How dare you hurt one of our own? You could have killed him, Keith. Lance could be dead and it's all your fault!" Allura screamed but Keith didn't even seem to care. He rolled his eyes as the smirk remained on his face, not seeming to plan on leaving. "Get off of my ship! I never want to see you again!"

"I can't believe you. You- You- You traitor!" Pidge yelled, tears blurring her vision. She refused to believe Keith would do something so villainous but the evidence was right there, screaming in her face.

"Didn't you think Lance was a waste of space? Wasn't he in your way all the time, Pidge? Didn't he get on your nerves, Hunk? You're better off without him. No more annoying jokes, time wasting or inconveniences. No more 'lover boy' Lance with his loved-up ramblings. You should be grateful that I killed him because none of you had the guts to do it yourself." Keith raised a hand and pressed his index finger into Allura's chest as he spoke.

"You monster!" Hunk screeched, bloody hands curled into fists. Just as he raised one to hit Keith with, the red paladin let out a chuckle that sounded just like the stereotypical villain's in a movie.

"Now, now, big guy, you don't want to stoop to my level, do you?" Hunk lowered his fists and emit a sound that resembled an animal's growl. "And sorry, I've got somewhere I need to be."

"Don't you dare," Allura muttered but Keith blanked her completely. He let out another amused huff before pushing Allura out of the way so he could flee the training room. "I am not letting you roam through my Castle. We can't trust you anymore, Keith."

"As if I'd care." Keith broke out into a sprint, only stopping to slam his hand down on an airlock. Before Allura could get sucked out into space, she grabbed onto the nearest doorway. Keith didn't think twice before securing his helmet and letting himself get sucked out of the ship.

"I knew it. I knew we couldn't trust a Galra!" Allura screamed, watching Keith disappear into the distance.

-

Keith screamed. And screamed. And screamed. He watched himself stab Lance repeatedly and it might as well have been him being stabbed, considering how much it crushed him. He watched Hunk cry with Lance in his arms. He watched Pidge and Allura scream at him as if he was their sworn enemy. He watched Shiro race out of the room in tears.

He wanted it to stop. He rushed towards his friends but was forced to stop by an invisible barrier, his body slamming into it. Endless tears cascaded down his cheeks as he hit the barrier with his fists, desperately trying to break it down.

"I'm sorry!" He yelled, wishing they were able to hear him but knowing that they couldn't. "That's- That's not me!" Sobs wracked his body as he watched himself escape out of the airlock.

He just about heard Allura's screech of, "_I knew it. I knew we couldn't trust a Galra._" It echoed around Keith's head, sharp pains joining it as a form of torture. He hunched over, pressing his hands into his ears to try and drown the noises out.

"No," He whispered, shaking his head over and over again. "No, no, no..."


	13. Chapter 13

"How are you doing, buddy?" Pidge asked in a low voice, placing a gentle hand on Hunk's shoulder. Hunk just shrugged as Pidge lowered herself into a sitting position beside him. Both lapsed into silence, staring ahead of them at Lance's pod and basking in the peace displayed in his expression. Despite being stabbed and nearly killed, Lance's looked more relaxed than he had in awhile, sleeping deeply in the pod whilst his body healed itself. After Lance had been stabbed, Coran had done his best to stop the bleeding, being the most medically trained person on the ship, before putting him into a pod.

"I can't believe we almost lost him." Hunk murmured, reaching forward to place a hand against the pod. It was vibrating and releasing a soft humming noise as it did its magic, putting the victim beneath a pink spotlight that highlighted their peaceful face.

"Me neither. I can't believe it was Ke-" Pidge started but Hunk jolted around to face her and cut her off. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips formed an angry scowl as he glared at Pidge. Despite his confident facial expression, his entire body was trembling and a fresh set of tears were making a home in his eyes again. Hunk felt like he should have known Keith was going to be a traitor and hurt Lance, considering how close he had been with the blue paladin. Back at the Garrison, he and Lance had been joint at the hip like a pair of conjoined twins. They hardly ever went anywhere without each other and told each other every single secret they were forced to keep. Since they had come into space, they seemed to drift apart and Hunk was beginning to think Keith had purposely put a wedge between them so Hunk didn't get suspicious.

"Don't say his name." For someone who was the human equivalent of a teddy bear, the venom and spite dripping in his voice seemed so unlike him. It made his tone all the more terrifying and serious.

"Sorry."

"I'm going to find him and make him regret ever crossing us. He deserves- deserves-" Hunk struggled to get his next word out as a mixture of different emotions bubbled in his chest. He started to clench his hands into fists so Pidge reached out to stop him.

"Revenge isn't the solution, Hunk. All we can do it hope Lance makes a full recovery." Hunk nodded, blinking rapidly in an attempt to prevent further tears from falling. "We should get something to eat." Pidge stood up and held out her hand to help Hunk up. She turned her head to the side and raised her eyebrows, silently begging Hunk to come with her.

"I- I can't leave him..." Hunk murmured, refusing to meet Pidge's gaze. His eyes were fixed on Lance as if he was concerned the blue paladin would disappear or deteriorate at any moment.

"He'll be alright for five minutes."

"What if he wakes up and there isn't anyone here?"

Pidge glanced down at her feet, chewing on her lip as she debated what to do. She was well aware that Hunk hadn't moved in a long time, let alone eaten anything. He must have been starving and worrying on an empty stomach wasn't going to help him at all. "I'll bring something back for you." When Hunk nodded, she let out a satisfied sigh with the confirmation that Hunk was going to end up starving himself.

"Thank you." Hunk still didn't tear his gaze away from his friend. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked like he hadn't slept in days- that was probably because he hadn't.

-

"That wasn't Keith..." Shiro mumbled, pacing up and down the common room whilst pulling at his own hair. He had been walking the same path for the past hour or so and Allura felt like she was going insane just watching him. He was making himself appear like a ticking time bomb, soon to detonate and destroy the entire Caste of Lions.

"You saw him, Shiro. We all did." Allura replied, spite clear in her tone. She couldn't get over the fact that she had allowed herself to trust someone who was half Galra, only to have it backfire on her. Her instinct was always to push Keith away from the team due to his heritage but the other paladins and Keith himself had assured her that he wasn't a bad person. He had never seemed like a villain, though Allura knew to be wary around anyone associated with the Galra, no matter how friendly they presented themselves.

"I've known Keith since he was a kid. He would never try to murder his best friend."

"Wasn't he a bad kid? I heard he punched someone important."

"You don't have any idea: you weren't there, Allura. Keith was- he was troubled but he wouldn't-" Shiro grunted as he struggled to finish his sentence. He wished Allura could see Keith in the way he could. Shiro had been Keith's mentor right back at the Garrison when he was struggling with mingling with the other kids and the atmosphere of a high school that was almost double the size of his old one. He had been Keith's rock when he was having problems and so he knew how sweet Keith really was better than most people. Shiro tugged harder at his hair, scrunching his eyes shut as a million memories ran through his head. "Keith isn't a murderer." There was no chance that the same person who had freaked out over a little crush could be a sociopathic killer.

"I'm sorry but we saw what we saw and-"

"You don't know him! Something has to be wrong. It has to be!"

Allura slammed her fists into the sofa to snap Shiro out of whatever trance he had fallen into. Shiro stopped, turning to look at the princess and drinking in her angry expression. She had furrowed eyebrows and a tense jaw which, in conjunction with the dark glint in her eye, told Shiro that she had had enough of his ramblings. "I know you mean well and have a kind heart but we all saw him."

"I- I just can't believe it." After all his thoughts had tumbled out of his mouth, Shiro finally broke down into tears. He hunched over and buried his head into his hands whilst his body shook with the pressure of heavy sobs. Allura frowned before standing up and engulfing him in a warm, protective hug.

-

Keith had long since given up trying to escape. He was trapped in his own mind which was going to lead to his eventual demise. It was ironic that his own mind was going to be the death of him. All Keith could do was pace up and down in the blackness with different voices circling him like some sort of tornado, waiting for the best moment to kill him. Keith could hear everything that was going on around his body and he felt like it was meant to tease him because he couldn't do anything to prevent what was happening.

He could hear Haggar's sick plan but he wished he hadn't. He knew she had sent the ship's location to the Galra and was planning to ambush the paladins when they were at their weakest. He knew Haggar had made a bomb that she was going to use to destroy Voltron and the beloved Castle of Lions. He knew that she planned to give control back to Keith right at the last moment so he had a front row seat to watch his friends die.

Keith didn't know what to do. He had been through hell and back as a kid but that almost seemed like a breeze at that point. His dad had died, his mum had walked out when he was too young to even remember her face, he was shoved into the dysfunctional foster system, he had been screamed at countless times for having meltdowns and shutdowns that he couldn't avoid, even if he wanted to. Despite all that, Keith had given up and decided that he finally couldn't take anymore pain. He couldn't save his friends. He couldn't stop Haggar. He couldn't escape.

Voltron was going to be destroyed and it was all his fault.

-

"Oh no..." Allura murmured, shaking her head repeatedly as she swiped her finger across the screen. Her eyes were thin as they scanned the text on the screen, her face growing paler with each word and symbol.

"What?" Coran and Pidge said in perfect unison whilst they struggled to read what was on the screen. To the untrained eye, it wouldn't have looked like a threat but to the three members of Voltron, they knew exactly what it meant.

"They could get here any dobosh, we need to be ready. Tell the others to get into their lions and suit up."

"But princess... if we can't form Voltron, we don't have much of a chance. We only have three lions and I doubt any of us are mentally prepared for a battle like this. It's- It's suicide..." Pidge explained. It looked like she didn't want to be the one to admit it as she scrunched up her eyebrows and refused to meet Coran and Allura's gazes.

"We have to, Pidge. They're coming and we don't have much of a choice. We have to defend Voltron until our dying breaths. That was the responsibility you accepted when you joined the team."

Pidge opened her mouth as if she was about to argue but no words ever managed to escape as an alarm blared through the Castle. It shook the room violently as Pidge, Allura and Coran all shared the same terrified look. They hadn't even had enough time to plan out their defence procedures. At that moment, it seemed like the battle was going to be Voltron's last: a defender of the universe jumping into a conflict with a highly advanced, evil race completely unprepared was more dangerous than letting a baby play with a fork by a plug socket.

"I'll try and fly a lion," Allura spoke up, swallowing thickly as a way of suppressing tears. Even the princess was aware of the dangers of the mission, especially when the lions were more than likely going to reject her so they couldn't form their weapon. "We can do this. We're Voltron and we never give up."

Pidge smiled a smile full of determination but it seemed wobbly and unsure. Allura brushed over the uneasiness and commanded everyone to head to their respective hangars. With that, they shot off to grab their armour and board their lions.

Meanwhile, Hunk tore himself away from his best friend for the first time since the incident, well aware that the battle wouldn't stop long enough from him to grieve. He had learnt what he was catapulted into when he first put on the armour of the yellow paladin and he was willing to fight. They had a universe to protect which, as much as he hated to admit it, was more important than his best friend. Knowing deep down that Lance was in the best hands possible inside the healing pod, he raced down the corridors to his bedroom. Shiro secured his helmet, despite how much anxiety and sadness was running through his body and raced to the black lion's hangar. He was going to defend the universe after everything that had happened; even if it killed him. If fighting the Galra was going to help him figure out whatever was going on in Keith's head, that would be an added bonus.

The universe was massive and keeping it safe was Voltron's responsibility. It didn't matter if they were terrified. It didn't matter if they were tired. It didn't matter if they didn't feel ready. They had to persevere and defend the universe because that was their job.

-

Allura walked up to the red lion and took a long, deep breath. Keith wasn't there to fly the most temperamental lion and, as the main pilot of the Castle, it was her responsibility to step up. She headed right up to the defensive field and placed a hand on it. It began to vibrate as her palm made contact but it didn't disappear. "Come on," Allura murmured to the gigantic lion. She was the size of an ant in comparison to the ship and all the negative feelings manifesting in her just contributed to how small she felt. "I know I'm not your usual paladin but Keith isn't with us anymore." Just saying his name was enough to intensify the pain in her chest. She started to hit her fists against the barrier, each hit growing more and more desperate. She was well aware that they couldn't defeat the Galrans without the help of Voltron- something they couldn't form without the help of Red.

The red lion stood up, sparking a tiny flame of hope in Allura's chest. It quickly extinguished as Red just threw her head back and let out a loud roar that seemingly shook the room. Allura raised her hands to her ears to block out the deafening noise, frustrated tears welling up in Allura's eyes as she was at a loss of what to do.

The comms began to crackle before Shiro was screaming, "Allura, we need you! We're getting demolished out here!"

"I- I can't!" Anyone acquainted with Allura knew she was not the type to give up. She was incredibly stubborn and so persevered even in the toughest of situations. Tears began to dribble down her cheeks as she hammered her fists against the forcefield. "Red!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, her throat growing hoarse from all of the shouting. "You have to let me in!"


	14. Chapter 14

When Lance fell out of the healing pod, he was surprised to find he was alone. He tumbled to the ground, blinking rapidly as he attempted to re-orientate himself. Throughout the duration of his time in space, he had been in healing pods countless times but never had he come out of one without anyone waiting for him. Usually Hunk was sat outside of it, either alone or with some of the other paladins. One time he had stumbled out to find the entire team sat around his pod, playing a game of Monsters and Mana without him. "Guys?" He yelled out, voice raspy from disuse. He took a long, deep breath before pulling himself onto his feet. He had to lean most of his weight on the wall so his knees didn't give in beneath him and send him falling right back to the ground. Ignoring the nagging feeling of abandonment settling in his chest, he slowly wandered out of the medbay.

He took turns calling out the names of each paladin, heading out into the corridor. He knew Shiro's room was the closest so made his way there at a steady pace. His steps resembled a pigeon's as he tentatively placed one foot in front of another so he didn't put too much weight on them at one time. Gradually, he gained the feeling back in his legs and no longer had to use the wall to balance.

He rapped his knuckles on Shiro's door, only to receive silence as a response. Lance ended up opening the door himself but the room was empty. Lance couldn't help but notice the empty space on Shiro's bedside table where he usually had his armour neatly folded up. Shiro always kept it there to make it easily accessible if there was ever an emergency... unless he was training.

Just as Lance was debating heading to the training room, the entire Castle shook. He lost his balance and was forced to grab onto Shiro's bedside table so he didn't fall. Realising the Castle had been hit but not knowing what by, Lance took off running towards his own bedroom to get his armour.

He had never gotten dressed so quickly but didn't want to waste a single moment. Once he had secured his helmet on his head and inhaled deeply, he asked the other paladins what was going on. After their initial shock, they explained exactly what was happening with a hint of trepidation flooding their tones. Every so often, one of them would let out a cry or a grunt that meant they were hit and each noise was enough to make Lance tense up.

"I'm on my way, you guys, hold on!" Lance yelled as he raced towards the hangars, knowing he had to act quickly. With each pain-filled groan from the paladins, they got closer and closer to defeat. It didn't take a genius to figure out that they only had three functioning lions which wasn't enough. They couldn't form Voltron but having four lions was better than three.

"Are you sure you're alright? You only just got out of a pod, Lance..." Hunk said, anxiety running through his veins like blood. His face had tinted with a sickly green but his visor and the quality of the cameras in the lions made it difficult for the others to notice. He was holding onto his controls with an iron grip, each movement of the robotic lion making his stomach lurch. Knowing he was on the verge of vomiting but suppressing it, he tried to put everything he could into the battle. He didn't want Voltron to lose just because he was too much of a baby to fight properly. He swallowed his nausea back before letting out a deep grunt as if he had been hit.

"I'm fine. Stop worrying about me, Hunk." Telling someone with anxiety to stop worrying wasn't the most effective cure but Hunk didn't blame Lance's choice of words. There were more important things going on than a disorder he had suffered with ever since he was a child.

Lance wasn't thinking as he rushed towards the blue lion, mind preoccupied with the fight going on outside the Castle, so ended up crashing straight into the barrier. The impact was harsh enough to send Lance flying towards the ground. "What?" Lance murmured, pressing his hand into the forcefield. His eyebrows climbed his forehead and his mouth fell open as he tried to formulate coherent words. "Blue, buddy... it's me, Lance!" Blue didn't even acknowledge Lance's presence, just staring ahead and remaining inactive. "Guys, we have a problem..."

"What's going on?" Hunk was the first to ask, hoping Lance was alright. It was just like him to jump to the work possible conclusion.

"Blue won't let me in!" Lance's frustration was made apparent in the way that his voice cracked. His raised his arms to hit them against Blue's barrier, his heart pounding inside his chest as he cried out for his lion. Lance was staring at the lion with an expression full of longing, knowing that it would be on his shoulders if Voltron lost. It was his lion that wouldn't let him in and was lowering the Castle's defences.

"She knows you aren't fit-"

"I have an idea," Allura spoke up, cutting off Hunk's worried rambling. "Lance, head to Red."

Lance furrowed his eyebrows, Allura's words seeming bizarre and out of the blue. Why would he pilot Red? He was the blue paladin; it didn't make sense. "But-" He tried to argue but Allura interrupted him, knowing that they didn't have much time. The other lions on the battlefield were clearly struggling, if the frantic cries of their paladins were anything to go by.

"Just do it!"

Sending one last look full of anxiety and disappointment in the direction of the blue lion, Lance raced out of the hangar. He didn't have the time to question the princess so could only hope Red wasn't going to be as stubborn as Blue.

-

"Hunk, Green can't take much more!" Pidge shouted, letting out a series of grunts as she tried to defend herself against the fleet of Galran ships. One particular cruiser ahead began to tremble as it charged before emitting a laser beam in Pidge's direction. Inside her lion, Pidge let out a long scream, thrusting her controls forward in a weak attempt to dodge. Reaction time much to slow, the beam shook Green until her controls were flashing, warning Pidge that her power was rapidly declining. The lion's movements were growing sluggish and Pidge thought that was going to be it. Green was going to shut down on her and then she'd be captured or killed by the Galra, never to see her friends or family again.

"Form Voltron!" Shiro practically screeched as Blue and Red leaped out of the Castle. He didn't waste any time questioning what had happened; like a true leader he focused solely on the task ahead of them. Each lion maneuvered so they could get into position before they raced together in perfect formation.

Shiro had sweat dripping down his forehead; Allura's eyes were rimmed with the colour red; Hunk's face had turned a sickly green; Lance was chewing harshly on his bottom lip and Pidge was frowning. The paladins were exhausted as they forced their lions forward but... nothing. Whilst they'd usually feel themselves come together to form the robot, they couldn't feel anything.

All of a sudden, a large laser beam shot through the air, heading straight for the blue lion. The lion froze in shock, Allura sitting inside of it with wide eyes. Her hands were still wrapped around the controls as her fight or flight system completely abandoned her, leaving her with a third freeze option.

"Paladins, we have an issue!" Coran then yelled, piling onto everything else. "The Galra have infiltrated the Castle's defences!" No one could respond to Coran because they were all screaming at the top of their lungs for the blue lion. The laser hit Allura but she didn't even elicit a scream. The lion went limp and began to drift out to space as silence spread through the comms.

"Allura!" Shiro exclaimed as the first to process what had happened, eyes shining with tears. He thrust the black lion's controls forward without thinking to approach the blue lion. His bottom lip was trembling as he got nearer and nearer, soon coming to the realisation that Blue was completely offline. Her eyes were dim and the lion wasn't moving at all, not even raising its defences to prevent someone who wasn't her paladin from getting in.

"Shiro, you check on the princess. Hunk, Pidge and I will head back to the Castle." Lance said before swerving Red around. Without waiting for a reply, he shot forward so he could help Coran. They didn't have the time to argue about plans when the Castle of Lions was being filled to the brim with different Galran guards.

"Get here quick! The Galra are inside, I-" Coran's end of the comm crackled before lapsing into a heavy silence. Hardly allowing himself to waste time worrying, Lance landed Red and grabbed his bayard. It formed into his signature sniper as he raced out into the corridors that were already swarming with Galrans. Although there were too many for Lance to fight alone, he had to try for the sake of his team.

Shooting bullets in every direction and not sparing any thoughts for who he may hit, Lance pushed his way through the Castle. He dodged oncoming bullets as he had done in previous training exercises, making the battle appear almost like a dance. He ducked under someone's swipe of their weapon before leaning backwards as a bullet flew in his direction. He raced through the crowds as quickly as he possibly could, lucky that the worst injury he had received by that point was a bruise on his shin where someone had kicked him.

"L-Lance!" Lance's head shot up as Coran's shaky voice rang through the comms. It sounded strained which, in conjunction with his heavy breathing, didn't seem like the best of signs. "I'm in the main control room. You have to get here quick or he'll-" Coran cut himself off as he let out a loud cry.

His comms shut off just as Lance burst into the control room, sniper poised in his hands. The adrenaline pumping through his body was enough to keep him going, despite the immense pressure being put on his body. His eyes laid upon an unbelievable sight that made him drop his arms to his sides out of pure shock.

Keith was standing in the centre of the room, though his red paladin armour wasn't anywhere to be seen. Instead, he was dressed head to toe in a black suit Lance could only recognise because the other Galran guards wore them. His eyes weren't their usual unique purple but a gleaming yellow that seemed to light up the entire room. Keith had his signature knife pressed into Coran's neck with an expression full of sheer malice that seemed to be exacerbated by his eyes. It was clear that his intent was villainous and it didn't appear that he was holding back either. Coran's face was white as his entire body shook. He made eye contact with Lance, his wide and glistened over with desperate tears. "Keith?" Lance barely managed to choke out before Keith started to speak, a smirk spreading across his own face.

"Don't come any closer or he'll get it."

"This isn't you." Lance raised his eyebrows, voice too shaky and full of too much trepidation to get his point across.

"Oh, really? Lance, you're looking at me. You know who I am." Keith was laughing. He threw his head back with a loud cackle that sounded like it belonged to a witch and not Lance's best friend. Lance couldn't fathom how that evil version of Keith was the same guy that had gotten excited over finding a packet of carnations at the space mall and loved listening to audiobooks about space.

"But Keith wouldn't- he wouldn't-" Lance's bottom lip was trembling as his eyes sparkled with tears. He backed up, blinking multiple times to stop the tears from falling.

"What, are you going to cry now? You're pathetic. A paladin of the universe is meant to be strong and respected. How can you be those things if you cry?"

"Keith isn't- he isn't mean! He can be but never intentionally. He loves all of us, even if he refuses to admit it-"

"Shut up, Lance. I don't have time to waste listening to you talk about your pathetic crush."

"Keith, I thought-" Lance's knees buckled and he dropped to the ground, the floodgates finally opening as he let out a series of sobs. His hands were frozen around his bayard as he was too afraid to shoot at the person he loved. He was at a complete loss as to what to do whilst his brain sent him a mixture of signals.

_You have to kill him, he hurt you. That isn't Keith. You can't hurt your crush. You have to kill him, he hurt you. That isn't Keith. You can't hurt your crush. You have to kill him, he hurt you. That isn't Keith. You can't hurt your crush. You have to kill him, he hurt you._

Hunk and Pidge burst into the room as Lance buried his head into his hands. The thoughts making circles in his head were making him feel dizzy and nauseated, too confused to come to a valid decision. Upon seeing Keith and Lance's distraught state, Pidge and Hunk both froze with their bayards raised.

"Well, well... if it isn't Hunk and Pidge... How are you two?" Keith seemed ecstatic that they had shown up, his smirk morphing into an evil grin. He secured his grip on the knife before pressing it into Coran's neck just hard enough to elicit a small squeak from the Altean but not too hard that it drew any blood. Blood was part of the finale: too much too soon would ruin the plan.

"Oh, you little-" Pidge was about to snap and rush forward to attack Keith but Hunk stopped her before she could. He grabbed her arm and sent her a wide-eyed look full of sympathy and desperation.

"Where are Allura and Shiro? The party won't start until you're all here."

"He's in Blue," Hunk informed them, irritation apparent on his face. Despite being the person to stop Pidge from acting too abruptly, he looked like he wanted to hurt Keith too. "Allura's injured."

"Let's get started then," None of the paladins thought Keith's wicked grin could get any wider but he managed to continue to prove them wrong. "Lance, could you lock the door?"

"As if he'd listen to you!" Pidge snapped, gritting her teeth and furrowing her eyebrows to form a furious glare.

"Now, now, midget. No need to be so feisty. He has to cooperate with his crush, don't you Lance?" Lance didn't say anything as he pulled himself onto his feet and closed the door. He didn't do it because Keith had told him to: he did it because he was afraid of what would happen if he didn't. It would be easy for Keith to drive the knife into Coran's neck. It could happen within a single second and not one of them would be able to stop it.

Thankfully, Keith removed the knife from Coran's neck and shoved the Altean towards the three paladins. He stumbled forwards before racing towards the group. Hunk wrapped an arm around him, rubbing his back whilst the shock of being held hostage subsided.

"Here's the plan," Keith rummaged around in his pocket before pulling out a rather basic looking remote controller. It was rectangular in shape and no bigger than the palm of Keith's hand, making it look almost innocent. "I'm going to press this button and none of you are going to stop me. All you need to do is watch."

"As if we'd let you get away with that." Pidge growled, finally racing forward and shoving Keith. He had expected the attack so barely stumbled as he held the remote out of Pidge's reach. She stood on her tiptoes and hit her fists against Keith's chest as she attempted to reach for the device but, of course, she could barely reach Keith's elbow.

"Set the midget against me, good move Voltron." Keith spat '_Voltron_' out as if it was venom. He pushed Pidge as harshly as he could so she lost her footing and collapsed into a heap on the floor. Whilst Lance was preoccupied in helping Pidge up and Hunk was still distracted with making sure Coran was okay, he held out the remote. "Say goodbye, you pathetic paladins."

-

Keith was crying again, something that he had become accustomed to by that point. All he could do was watch helplessly as another version of himself held a knife to Coran's throat. He stood right up against the invisible barrier that was standing between him and the real world- so close yet so far at the same time. "Please stop..." He murmured to himself as he watched Lance break down. He pressed his hand up against the wall, bottom lip trembling as he let out a pain-filled sob.

Once fake-Keith had brought the remote out, real-Keith knew he needed to try harder as the threat of destruction got closer and closer. Surrounded in blackness without many options, he thrust a fist into the barrier with all of his might. When that proved ineffective, he took a few steps back and slammed his entire body into the barrier. Pain surged through his side from the contact but he couldn't give up. He couldn't be the reason his friends died. There wasn't a chance that he was just going to sit around and let his friends get murdered by some version of himself that he couldn't control.

He grunted in pain as he forced himself into the barrier over and over again. Tears streamed down his cheeks, dripping onto the floor as he backed up. He counted himself in before running towards the wall again and crying out as he slammed into it.

"Come on! I need to get out! I need to save them!" Keith barged into it for what felt like the millionth time, shaking the wall with such pressure that Keith was almost knocked off his feet. A loud ringing noise was then emitted, so loud that Keith hunched over and covered his ears with his hands. Keith screamed: his entire body was aching as the pressure ate him alive. Everything seemed much too LOUD and it was suffocating him. He wanted it to stop. He wanted to get the control over his body back. He wanted to go home. When he said home, he wasn't referring to the many foster homes, he was referring to the Castle of Lions.


	15. Chapter 15

When Keith suddenly hunched over with his hands against his ears, none of the paladins knew what to do. They watched in shock as Keith screamed at the top of his lungs. Pidge was the first to react, zooming forward and snatching the remote from Keith's flaccid grip to prevent him from pressing the button.

"Stop it. Stop it. Stop it." Keith groaned, dropping onto his knees as his face scrunched up into an expression that seemed to be filled to the brim with pain. His jaw was tense as tears streamed down his cheeks, falling onto the floor before vanishing into nothing. All of a sudden, silence washed over Keith and he froze in his movements. He glanced up, looking between each person in the room with squinted eyes. It was as if he was trying to check they were all real.

"Lance?" He choked out first, his voice raspy as if he hadn't said a single word in days. He pulled himself up onto his feet and started to stagger towards Lance, eyes still glistening with tears. The blue paladin backed up, holding out his hands to keep space between him and Keith.

"You need to stay away from us," Pidge spoke up, pocketing the remote controller so that no one else had access to it. She had her arms folded across her chest as she sent Keith a venomous glare. "I have the remote so don't you dare try anything."

"P-Pidge?" Keith looked like a confused child as he turned his head to the side and focused his gaze on Pidge. "I'm not- I- That wasn't me." The words were tumbling out of his mouth in a tone that didn't resemble what he had been saying previously at all.

"What are you talking about?"

"I- I don't know," Keith let out a shaky sob. One moment he had been stuck in the black void and, the next, he was standing back on the Castle of Lions with his terrified friends surrounding him. Each of them were watching his every mood as if they were waiting for him to attack or threaten somebody. "Someone started to control me. I- I wouldn't hurt you."

"Don't listen to him! He's trying to trick us into giving him the remote back. We aren't that stupid, Keith."

"I'm not! Please! Lance, I- I'm sorry. I'm sorry everyone. Is- Is Allura okay?"

"As if you'd care." Pidge raised her chin and refused to meet Keith's gaze. She refused to believe the multitude of tears dripping down his cheeks were genuine: she knew what she had seen. Keith had stabbed Lance and he had threatened Coran; she didn't think she could ever forgive him for that. Amidst such a serious intergalactic war, there wasn't enough time for risky second chances. Keith had made his mistake and it was too late to turn back on it.

"I- I do!"

"I'm going to tie him up." Pidge announced, activating her bayard. She circled Keith until his body was wrapped up tight enough to stop him from moving. Keith's response to that was to scrunch his face up and fidget in an attempt to free himself. He hated how tight it was and Pidge's bayard was much too scratchy. He needed to get out.

"Get me out! Please!" Keith was breathing heavily, on the verge of hyperventilation, a fresh set of tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Pidge, he's panicking. You know Keith didn't like-" Hunk tried, eyes wide in a mixture of anxiety and uncertainty. Despite Keith having betrayed the team, Hunk didn't like hurting someone he had once seen as a friend, especially when he knew how difficult panic attacks were.

"Don't pity him. He's faking it."

"Let him go, Pidge. He's going to have a meltdown!" Lance chipped in, voice rising in volume as a result of desperation. Pidge rolled her eyes but reluctantly pulled her bayard back so it retracted and Keith was freed from the restraints. He stumbled forward, hands immediately launching towards his hair to tug at it and calm himself down. "I think he's being serious."

"Lance, don't let your crush phase you. Keith is dangerous."

"Does he look dangerous to you?" Everyone turned to look at Keith again, drinking in his posture and expression. He had collapsed to the ground and was holding his legs as he rocked back and forth. "We don't have to trust him again, do we? Make sure he's unarmed and I think we can cope. Coran and I will go and make sure Allura is okay whilst you stay with Keith."

"Okay." Lance nodded, watching each of his friends race out of the room. He knew better than to talk to Keith so simply sat cross-legged a couple of metres in front of him, waiting for him to calm down again.

-

"Is Allura okay?" Pidge asked into the comms, standing in the blue lion's hangar. Whilst all of the other lions had landed and shut themselves down to recharge, Blue and Black were yet to even make a reappearance. Pidge was beginning to worry, her thoughts wandering to the idea that they may not have returned because Blue was damaged beyond repair. Being on the Castle of Lions, she was useless and had no insight into as to what was going on with Allura.

"Nothing a pod can't fix. Blue needed some time to recharge but she's back on her feet. Allura's conscious but seems delirious and shaken up." Shiro explained, though he didn't sound like he had much faith in his own words. As he finished speaking, the ship opened up and Blue flew in. Being able to fly in by herself assured Pidge that the damage couldn't have been that extensive.

"Allura!" Pidge raced forward with Hunk at her side, surprised when the defensive barrier didn't stop them from entering the lion. Like lightning, Pidge was inside and running to Allura's side. Her eyes were open but glazed over and heavy as she struggled to keep them open. Her arms were painted with bruises and there was a large gash on the back of her head, most likely from where she may have fallen after being hit by the laser. Shiro had used a spare cloth in the lion to apply pressure to the head-wound in an attempt to stop it from bleeding so much.

"Pidge, no offence but you can't carry her to the pod: you're too small." Pidge opened her mouth to send a snap about her capabilities back to Hunk but chose against it. She only watched as Hunk scooped Allura up into his arms with ease.

"Is Lance hurt..?" Allura choked out, following the question up with a series of coughs; each shook her body like an earthquake.

"He's okay. He's with Keith at-"

With her final ounce of strength, Allura interrupted Hunk. "Keith? You left him with that- that traitor? He's going to hurt him!" She sounded frantic as she tried to muster up the power to push Hunk backwards but only ended up tapping his chest. Too weak to escape his grip, she started to fidget and hit her fists lightly against Hunk's chest.

"Hey, hey, calm down. You're too weak to be panicking. Lance is going to be fine. We'll explain later but right now you need to get to a pod."

Allura seemed dissatisfied at Hunk's response but didn't push it any further because she knew she needed help: her head was pounding. Her vision was slightly blurred and everything seemed to be spinning so it was clear that she needed to get to a pod as soon as she could so she didn't bleed out or collapse. Hunk sent her a quick smile full of sympathy before beginning to head to the med bay. Shiro was already waiting for them when they made it there.

-

Lance didn't know what to do. At first, he and Keith had just been sat in what he considered awkward silence as Keith rocked back and forth and stimmed. After a moment had passed, Keith froze before letting out a hoarse scream. Lance had never heard a sound so high pitched and desperate. Keith buried his hands into his hair before pulling it as harshly as he could, face scrunched up as sharp pains ran through his head.

"Hey, hey, Keith!" Lance tried to yell to gain Keith's attention, racing to his side. "Calm down, man. You're alright." Lance's words seemingly went unheard as Keith threw his head back, hot tears falling down his cheek. Jaw tense and teeth gritted, the pain he was feeling was more than obvious. All Lance wanted to do was take the pain away but he couldn't. He could only watch.

"Lance!" Keith eventually screamed, body twitching as if it were fighting something. "G-Get away from me!"

Lance stumbled backwards. His mouth fell open as if he was going to argue but Keith's scream prevented him from being able to. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as his body began to shake, each of his limbs flailing in a way that was completely out of his control. For a brief moment, Lance thought Keith might have been having a seizure but, all of a sudden, he stopped. His body stiffened and fell limp which sharply contrasted his previous movements, making him almost appear dead.

Keith blinked and turned to look at Lance; his irises had turned a bright yellow. He clenched his hands into fists as purple hairs began to sprout from the skin.

"You're pathetic," Keith said but it clearly wasn't the red paladin. His voice had deepened multiple octaves, so much that it sounded like it had been edited. The tone was almost demonic, not at all resembling who Keith had once been. "You're never going to get him back now."

"Shut up! I know he's in there!" Lance yelled, clenching his hands into fists at his sides. He had just seen the real Keith and there was no way he had vanished completely within the few moments they had been sitting there together.

"He isn't." A dark smirk filled Keith's face as he pulled himself up onto his feet. Without giving Lance the time to think, he raced forward and shoved Lance back. They crashed into the wall, seemingly shaking the ship from the harsh contact. Keith snaked his hand to Lance's neck, fingers wrapping around his skin and squeezing with all of their might. Lance didn't waste any time before pressing his hands into Keith's shoulders and pushing him away.

"Keith, buddy, I know you're in there. Fight for the control! I know you can do it!"

Keith let out an inhuman growl before tackling Lance to the ground. Lance grunted as his body crashed to the floor, his helmet being his only protection from hitting his head. He flipped them over so he was on top with his hands on Keith's chest and one leg between Keith's, preventing him from moving for a short second.

"Keith, I know you don't want to hurt me and you don't have to. Just-" Lance was unable to finish his sentence as Keith grabbed his neck again. He used all of his force to strangle Lance whilst Lance tried to struggle away. As Lance was beginning to see black spots, Keith froze, releasing pressure. One of his eyes returned to its usual purple and his angry scowl morphed into a sad frown. He let out a heavy sob as if he was in immense pain.

"L-Lance-" He tried and Lance could tell it was his Keith again because his voice was back to normal.

"Yeah, Keith? Keep fighting. I know you can do it. You're strong." Keith blinked and, just like that, both irises were yellow again. He let out another animalistic growl that couldn't have been further from his previous sob. "No!" Lance yelled before Keith was sending a punch towards Lance's face. It struck him right on the nose.

Instantaneously, Lance's eyes began to water and blur his vision. Out of instinct, his hands flew up to his nose to feel for any blood. Being the experienced fighter he was, Keith took advantage of Lance's moment of weakness by flipping them over yet again. He reached into his back pocket- where he had been hiding a knife all along- and pressed it against Lance's neck. "I'm actually going to complete the job this time. You got any last words, blue paladin?"

"I love you!" Lance screamed, voice quivering. He was just seconds away from death and a million thoughts were running through his head, making it difficult for him to even take a breath. "I liked you ever since the first day I saw you at the Garrison. I created this rivalry because I was jealous of you. You're such an awesome fighter and I really want to be like you."

Keith let out a low chuckle. "You think your pathetic crush is going to save you and Keith? That's adorable. I wish I was as naive as you."

Tears started to stream down Lance's cheeks as he realised he was going to die. He was eighteen years old and going to die. There were so many things he had missed out on and he hadn't even got to see his family again. His parents were never going to find out where he ran away to on his last day on Earth and he was never going to see the day Voltron defeated the Galra. He was never going to feel rain again or swim in the sea at the beaches in Cuba. He was never going to hear his favourite band's songs ever again and he was never going to see any of his favourite TV shows or movies again. He was yet to come out victorious in any of the video games he played with the other paladins and he was never going to get a chance to. "I'm sorry I can't save you and I'm sorry I wasted our time together with that stupid rivalry. I wish things could have been different."

"Well isn't this wholesome."

"Please, please, don't kill me. I'm too young to die." Lance sobbed, barely daring to breathe in case the knife got any closer to his neck.

"You're adorable." Keith smirked, pressing the knife down ever so slightly. Lance could feel the sharp metal against his neck but the pressure wasn't enough to draw blood. "Do you have anything else to say?"

"Just- Just that I love you, Keith. I should have told you sooner but-" A gunshot rang through the air; followed by a scream.


	16. Chapter 16

"She's going to be okay," Shiro murmured as he watched Allura sleep in the pod. Her face was relaxed and she looked more at peace than she had in a long while. "Let's go and check on Lance and Keith." Hunk and Pidge nodded in agreement before the trio headed back to where they had left the red and blue paladins.

Hunk was first into the room and, upon seeing Keith and Lance fighting, autopilot took over. His love for his best friend and survival instincts meant he had little to no control over himself as he grabbed his bayard from a pocket in his armour to activate it. Surprisingly, his hands were steady as he aimed for Keith's head and pressed the trigger. The bullet flew through the air in an almost slow motion before it hit Keith in the shoulder. In agony, Keith screamed, falling off Lance and rolling onto the floor. Lance jolted up, breathing as if he had just run a marathon so his lungs could gulp in as much air as possible. Keith was pressing one hand into his shoulder as blood bubbled to the surface of the wound but Hunk panicked, pressing the trigger a second time to penetrate Keith in the chest.

"Hunk!" Lance buried his head into his hands as sobs shook his body. He maneuvered so he was kneeling beside Keith, staring down at his pain-filled expression.

"You're okay. He can't hurt you now." Hunk mumbled, heading towards Lance. He placed a hand on his best friend's shoulder but, to his surprise, Lance immediately flinched away.

"He was in there. I know it. I- I was trying to get him out, Hunk. What did you do?" Lance's words were barely audible through his sobs. Hunk tried to step towards him again, opening his arms as a silent invitation for a hug but was soon denied.

"He was going to kill you, Lance. I couldn't risk losing my best friend."

"I- I don't want to lose Keith! We have to help him! We have to!" Lance turned to Keith's body and gripped onto his hands, squeezing them as if he was still conscious. "He can't be dead! He- He's going to come back again, isn't he?" Lance shook Keith's limp body, watching as the blood dripped down his chest plate to form a puddle beneath him. "Wake up! Wake up!"

"Lance..." Pidge trailed off, refusing to meet Lance's gaze. Her hand was hovered over Keith's heart so she knew it was no longer beating. Keith's face had drained of all colour and his lips were pursed, forming an unemotional straight line.

"He can't leave us again!" Lance yelled. He forced himself to look away from the masses of blood that seemed to coat everywhere from the floor to Lance's own hands. He pulled himself onto his feet, staggering backwards as he stared at his bloody hands. He took off into a sprint without any idea of where he was heading but knowing that he needed to escape. He ignored all of his friends as they called his name: _he had to get out_.

Tears blurred his vision as he reached his destination that appeared to be the red lion's hangar. The ship was standing tall in the centre of the room, silently welcoming Lance as her barrier was down. Both Lance and Red could feel the pain radiating from the other so they were each other's best sources of comfort. Lance clenched his hands into weak fists so he didn't have to look at the blood covering his palms as he climbed aboard the lion. He ducked beneath the doorway, stumbling into the main area where Keith had been countless times.

"I'm so sorry, Red. I'm sorry I couldn't save him. This is all my fault." Lance cried as he collapsed into Red's seat, body feeling as if it was made out of lead. All Lance could think about was the fact that Keith had sat in that seat. Red was Keith's lion not Lance's. A soft purr echoed in Lance's brain as Red's attempt of comforting him. After that, they both went silent as they grieved together, silent tears trailing down Lance's cheeks the entire time.

-

Lance wasn't sure where he was. He was surrounded by what appeared to be a black void, the colour in every direction. "Hello?" He yelled but the greeting only echoed around him, soon to fade into an empty nothingness. Deciding staying still wasn't going to get him anywhere, he started to walk through the blackness, unsure of where he was heading. With each step, whispers filled the air. They got louder as Lance walked deeper into the void.

"_That's not me. Don't listen to him, Pidge. Don't hurt her please._"

"_I'm sorry. That's- That's not me. No. No, no, no..._"

"_Please stop..._"

"_I need to get out. I need to save them._"

It took Lance an embarrassing length of time to realise it was Keith whispering. Each line was repeated multiple times, each time getting fainter and all the more desperate.

"Keith?" Lance called out, glancing all around him in search of the familiar mullet. No answer. He repeated the name louder. Nothing.

Lance broke out into a run, sprinting through the void in search of any more signs of Keith. When the whispers morphed into screams, Lance felt like he was getting closer. He started to call the red paladin's name at a higher volume, voice shaky with despair.

All of a sudden, a figure appeared in the distance. It looked like a ghost as its skin glowed a bright red that had the potential to light up an entire room. As Lance got closer, he realised the figure was also emitting tiny sparkles that rose into the air, soon to vanish. "Keith!" Lance screamed, encouraging the figure to turn around to look at who had spoken. Lance could recognise that mullet, milky skin and purple eyes from anywhere. He tackled Keith into a hug so they both collapsed into a heap on the floor.

"Lance! Lance!" Keith repeated the name as if it was going out of fashion. Happy tears were prickling in his eyes as he buried his head into Lance's chest. Lance had no idea how familiar Keith had become with the blackness and just how hopeless he had become over time. "D-Do you know where we are?"

"No..." Lance admitted. Keith's face fell: he had expected that Lance may have been some sort of token to get him out of the hell he had been trapped in. Maybe he had spent so much time there that he was beginning to hallucinate images of his best friend. "Do you?"

"No. I've been here since I can last remember. I had to watch myself hurt all of you." Keith's voice wobbled so Lance pulled him closer, rubbing his back to let him know that he trusted Keith. Lance wasn't going to let him go again, no matter what that meant he had to do.

"That must have been difficult. I'm so sorry you had to experience that..."

"Why are you apologising? It isn't your fault."

"I know but..." Unable to come up with an argument, Lance trailed off. They lapsed into silence as neither could comprehend anything to say. Just being in each other's presence was enough for the pair as they had been forced apart for such a long period of time. "Do you know what happened after you fought me?"

Keith shook his head whilst avoiding Lance's gaze, shame piling onto his facial expression. "The last thing I remember is fighting you. I don't know what happened after."

Lance let out a soft sigh, lifting a hand up so he could run it through Keith's hair. The strands were much softer than they appeared so Lance found himself basking in the feeling, softly shutting his eyes before he admitted what had happened. "You died."

"No," Keith pushed Lance away so he could get up and put more distance between them. He staggered backwards like a drunkard, eyebrows raised whilst he shook his head in disbelief. "I'm here. Not dead." His face had become a ghostly white colour as the truth began to settle in. He glanced down at his own body, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the soft red glow. He was there physically and he didn't seem to be hurt.

"You did die. Pidge said..."

"Pidge must have been wrong." Keith spoke fast as tears collected in his eyes. He had cried so much since he had first shown up in the blackness and all he wanted was for it all to stop. He didn't want to hurt anyone else and he didn't want to experience more pain himself. He wanted to go home.

"Pidge is never wrong and you know that."

Keith's bottom lip began to quiver as tears escaped. "If I'm dead... are you? Is that why you're here?" Keith took a tentative step forward, reaching out to brush his fingertips against Lance's arm to ensure he was physically there. He was. Part of Keith's home was standing right in front of him but, still, he wished to be anywhere else but the hopeless black void.

"I'm alive. I think I fell asleep in the red lion." Both of their eyes tracked back to Keith's red glow, making the connection between the colours in their head.

"Did Red send you here?"

"I don't know. I think I need to get you out of here... how though?"

As Keith continued to avoid Lance's gaze, Lance reached out to cup his cheek. His hand was warm against Keith's soft skin so Keith couldn't prevent his eyes from fluttering shut. They lapsed into a light for a moment, just basking in each other's touch, until Keith spoke up again. "I'm sorry for everything I did. I almost killed you and destroyed Voltron." Lance used his thumb to wipe the tears away from Keith's face, a gesture that Keith appreciated.

"It isn't your fault, alright Keith?"

"It is my fault. I understand if I get kicked out of Voltron. All I've done is mess everything up." Keith let out a heavy sob, pulling away from Lance so that he could hunch his shoulders over. He knew that it was all his fault for getting injured on the mission that was supposed to help Pidge get her family back. She never did find her father or Matt and Keith had gone on to create further problems for the team. If he had just paid attention back on that ship and never been hit by the Galran guard, none of it would have happened.

"No, no, you haven't. You've helped Voltron a lot, okay? Your fighting skills are the best. Voltron isn't Voltron without you."

"Yes, it is. I'm not suited for space. I should have listened to my foster parents and given up when they told me to." Keith's glow weakened so his person was more prominent, standing out in the black void like a light in the dark.

"No, you shouldn't have given up. Without you, we'd never have found the blue lion."

"I think it's best if I died for real this time. Then you wouldn't have any more trouble with-" Lance couldn't find any words that were powerful enough to convince Keith so, instead, he leaned forward. After all, Hunk had always told Lance that he was better at giving physical comfort than emotional comfort.

As their lips touched, both of their bodies began to glow much brighter. Warmth surged through them like an electric current as the world around them fell into a peaceful silence. Lance's arm snaked around Keith's waist as Keith's hands found their ways to Lance's hair and began to thread through the strands. Their toes began to disintegrate into a flurry of sparkles, though it went unnoticed by the pair who were too engrossed in the moment. Lance was becoming a rich blue that matched his lion and Keith a soft red that resembled his. Their sparkles fused together to make a bright purple that soon fizzled into nothingness. Just as they were about to pull apart for air, the last of their bodies vanished into a beautiful magenta.

-

"You shouldn't have killed him!" Shiro shouted, hands clenched into weak fists. He was knelt down beside Keith, face scrunched up in an abundance of negative emotions. "I've lost him once and I'm not losing him again." Shiro leaned forward and draped Keith's arm over his shoulder so he could lift Keith up.

"Shiro..." Pidge frowned, unsure of what to say. She pushed her glasses further up her nose as she contemplated how to approach the situation. Shiro was cleary grieving someone he saw as his brother for the second time, being in a stage of denial.

"I'll take him to a pod. Maybe he- Maybe he-" Pidge laid a hand onto Shiro's shoulder as she slowly shook her head. Shiro hunched over and let out a desperate sob, hands still gripping Keith. "Keith never gave up on me so I refuse to give up on him."

"It's too late, Shiro. He's gone."

"I'm sorry!" Hunk blurt out, face a sickly green like it always was when he felt anxious. He looked like he was going to puke which wasn't anything new for a mission. "He was going to kill Lance. I- I had to. I'm-" Hunk cut himself off as his mouth fell open and his eyes widened, turning to look at the red paladin. Pidge and Shiro followed Hunk's shocked gaze to see that Keith was glowing a soft red colour that gradually spread through his entire body. After a long moment of a suspense-filled silence, Keith's eyes flickered open. For a brief second, Keith's irises were a bright red but, with a simple blink, they returned to their usual purple.

"Keith?" All three paladins said in perfect unison. Keith's only response was a long groan before he pushed Shiro away and started to hyperventilate. Even after dying (for the second time, he may add) he wasn't a fan of being touched. Light-headed, Keith attempted to stand on his own feet but stumbled: his body wasn't quite used to him being conscious again. He let out another painful groan, blinking multiple times as if he was trying to figure out where he was.

Glancing at his hands that were no longer glowing and then back up at his friends multiple times, he was clearly disorientated. It was difficult for his brain to process being thrown back into the real world when he had become so accustomed to the black darkness. Pidge, Shiro and Hunk all remained silent as they observed Keith grounding himself. "I- I don't..." Keith trailed off, slumping forward as if his body was as heavy as the weight of the world. Exhausted, all he wanted to do was sleep. He didn't think about it before allowing his eyes to flutter shut and falling onto Shiro again. Shiro caught him in a weak hug, rubbing his back up and down in soothing motions.

"Now we can get him to a pod," Pidge commented, prompting Shiro to lift Keith over his shoulder again. "This is- It just- It doesn't make sense."

"Don't think about it just yet. Focus on getting Keith to a pod." Shiro murmured before rushing down the corridor in the direction of the medbay.


	17. Chapter 17

"What happened?" Allura questioned as she sat down beside Shiro and Lance who were both observing Keith as he slept in the pod. The red paladin looked much healthier than he had a few days previous as the bags under his eyes had faded and a lot of the colour had returned to his face. Allura had only just been released from a pod herself so the situation seemed rather puzzling in her point of view.

"Keith was going to kill Lance," Shiro explained. Allura turned to look at Lance, examining his entire body for any signs of injury. When she realised he seemed unharmed, her eyebrows climbed her forehead in curiosity. "Hunk shot Keith to save Lance and Keith died." Shiro seemed desensitised to his own words, voice remaining a monotone as he explained all of the events that occurred after Allura had been injured.

"Then how..?" Allura placed a hand on Keith's pod, feeling the light vibration coming from the machine. Her eyes scanned Keith for his own injuries but, just like Lance, he didn't appear injured at all.

"We don't know. He started to glow red and then he came back to life. It- It doesn't make sense."

"I can't believe it." Allura murmured, swallowing thickly. She diverted her gaze up to the ceiling as she shook her head in disbelief. She started to fiddle with her hands in her lap, something the other paladins had only ever seen her do when anxiety was building up in her chest. As the princess of Altea, she tended to suppress anxiety as much as she could so it was a rare occurrence to see her nervous ticks.

"What is it, princess?"

"I can't be certain but I think Red saved Keith's life." Allura turned to look at Shiro and Lance who were looking at her expectantly, hoping she'd elaborate on her statement.

"But- But how?"

"I don't know. I've only seen this happen once before."

"When?" Allura hunched her shoulders and hung her head as she recalled the memory. Sorrow and grief washed over her expression as her lips fell into a frown and her eyes began to sparkle.

"My father." At the mention of the king, Shiro placed a hand on Allura's knee. He knew the topic was a soft spot she often struggled to talk about. Shiro had adopted the same methods for Allura and her father as he used whenever he and Keith talked about Keith's orphanage. It was always physical comfort and an easy reassurance that they didn't need to discuss the issue.

"You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to."

Allura nodded to show that she understood what Shiro meant but continued talking regardless. "The blue lion saved him after a mission left him paralysed."

"I'm so sorry."

"It isn't your fault," Allura shrugged because her words were true. There wasn't anything they could do then, since her father was long gone. "Just know Keith is going to be alright. If- If there was anything in his head, Red would have made sure it was all gone."

"So he won't go all psycho on us anymore?" Lance asked, speaking up for the first time in the conversation. He couldn't resist the smile beginning to tug at his lips as he finally allowed hope to spread throughout his body.

"He shouldn't..."

"I can't wait to get the real Keith back..."

"Me neither." Shiro then placed his other hand on Lance's knee and looked him in the eye. They exchanged a smile, knowing deep down that they both loved Keith but in different ways. They could understand each other's forms of grief in a way the other paladins probably didn't as a result of their strong bonds with the red paladin.

-

The real Keith stumbled out of a pod exactly a week later. He toppled into a pair of strong arms and the touch was enough to make Keith's skin crawl. He tried to struggle out of the grip but only ended up flailing weakly as he didn't have the energy to fight it. A single glance up told him that it was Lance holding him. He opened his mouth but could only gasp out a tiny, "Wha..." before Lance started to speak.

"Keith, I'm so glad you're okay. I missed you so much. I thought you were a goner and that freaked me out so much. I mean... how are we supposed to function without-"

"Lance, shut up." Lance's mouth snapped shut as soon as he registered Keith's words and realised Keith's face was so scrunched up. His eyes were tightly shut and his jaw was clenched as if he was in pain.

"Are you hurt? Did the pod malfunction and let you out too early? Should I get Allura so-"

"Be quiet!" Keith snapped, mustering up the energy to push Lance away. He then moved his hands to his ears to try and drown out all of the sounds around him. "Stop talking." With that, he dropped to the floor in his signature position with his legs tucked into his chest. He wrapped one arm around his legs and used the other to tug at his hair, all whilst he rocked back and forth.

Lance could vaguely remember Shiro explaining how to help Keith during a meltdown. He created a mental checklist of things that helped Keith, analysing them one by one. Shiro had told him Keith liked quiet which he could check off because the only sound in the room was the low humming of the healing pods. Darkness? Lance headed towards the light switch and dimmed the room. Space? Lance wasn't crowding Keith at all so there wasn't much he could do on that front. Knowing he had helped Keith as much as he could, Lance sunk down into a cross-legged position and waited for Keith to calm down.

It seemed to take forever but Lance was patient. Once Keith finally uncurled himself and looked up at Lance, he murmured, "I'm s-sorry."

"It's okay. You're okay, Keith. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

Keith thinned his eyes as he contemplated the question. It seemed to take much longer than usual as the words were processed in his brain. "Can you get me my clothes and spinner?"

"Of course. I'll be right back." With that, Lance shot out of the room, not wanting to leave Keith alone for too much of an extended period of time. He returned a few minutes later with Keith's requested items in his arms. Keith snatched them out of his grip and immediately hugged them all.

"Can I get dressed in here?"

"Yup. Call me when you're done." Lance flashed Keith a quick smile before exiting the room again. He leant against the wall outside until Keith called him back in. The first thing Lance noticed was that Keith's face was more relaxed. "Is that better?" Lance meant it as a rhetorical question but Keith answered it anyway.

"Yes. That suit was too scratchy." Keith then started to flick at his spinner, observing as it span around and around and around... He looked mesmerised which was a cute look on someone who was usually so serious.

"Hey, Keith?" Lance blurted out after a moment of silence. "Do you remember anything that happened to you?"

Keith's face fell, making Lance regret asking the question almost instantaneously. "Some of it. I remember holding a knife to your throat but that's about it."

"You died and I was distraught. I sat in Red to grieve and ended up falling asleep in her. I woke up in this... black world. You were there," Lance stared down at his lap but Keith didn't notice his reclusiveness: he was used to avoiding eye contact anyway. "You were upset and you said you had messed everything up. Then we kissed."

Keith's head jerked up at that, his mouth forming the letter 'o'.

"Yeah. That's what allowed your consciousness to enter your body again."

"You saved my life." Keith's face had paled and his eyebrows had furrowed. It was as if it was only just hitting him that he had almost died... a second time.

"No," Lance corrected. "Red saved you. If she hadn't stored your consciousness in her... you wouldn't be here."

Keith let out a sob he hadn't realised was coming as he hunched his body over. "I'm sorry for everything that happened. I hope you and Red know how grateful I am."

"We do," Lance smiled so widely that it could have entered the record books. Crinkles formed by his eyes as they glowed out of pure joy. "I hope you know none of this is your fault."

"You don't understand," Keith clenched the gloved hand that wasn't holding the spinner into a tight fist. "All that time ago when I took that pill... I had visions of the future. I saw myself stab you and Haggar heal me. I just couldn't tell anyone."

"It's okay to be afraid, Keith."

"I physically couldn't tell anyone... I tried to tell Shiro."

"Oh, Keith..." Lance reached his hand out as a silent gesture. Keith traced the lines of his hand with his fingertip, appreciating Lance's soft skin. Keith's own hand was trembling as he was clearly distraught about everything that had happened.

"If I had figured out a way to tell someone, none of this would have happened. You would never have nearly died and I would never have nearly destroyed Voltron."

"We can't change the past but do you know what we can do?"

Keith glanced up at Lance as he loosely intertwined their fingers. "What?"

"We can control the future. Let's demolish Haggar and the Galra. I know we can win this battle."

Keith forced a smile before whispering a tiny "okay".

-

"Is everything okay?" Shiro asked, examining Keith's facial expression. He had been ecstatic to see Keith was feeling better physically but his mood had depleted as he noticed how down Keith appeared. It was as if he had gone back to the days before he and Shiro had even met, on the verge of depressed as the people who were meant to love him pushed him away.

"I think so." Keith mumbled, staring at his feet. That was enough of a sign that everything can't have been okay. Keith wasn't exactly one to enunciate and use anything besides a monotone but sometimes Shiro could just tell- he liked to think it was his brotherly instincts (even though he and Keith weren't related by blood).

"You think so?"

"Yeah, it's all so much to take in." Shiro forced a smile for Keith's sake, intertwining their fingers and squeezing his hand.

"I'm sure it is... but you're alright now, aren't you? No more out of body experiences?" Keith shook his head but didn't look too happy about it. "So you and Lance? How's he treating you?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because I see you as my little brother so I have to know every detail about your relationships." Shiro ruffled Keith's hair, eliciting a scowl from the red paladin. He didn't reply until his hair was flat and all in place again.

"I'm not in a relationship with Lance..?"

"You what?" If Shiro had been drinking something at that moment, he'd have spat it out. "But Lance said..." He thinned his eyes and leaned his head back, attempting to figure Keith out from his expression alone. Lance had said he had kissed Keith so Shiro had assumed they had started dating. Apparently, he had assumed wrong.

"We kissed but I don't remember it."

"You and Lance really need to talk." Shiro shook his head, breaking his hand away from Keith's. He folded his arms and glanced down at Keith with a single raised eyebrow. Keith just shrunk back, a frown spreading across his face.

"We talk all the time; I-"

"Right now, you're going to find Lance and ask him to be your boyfriend. No wimping out allowed."

"But Shiro-" Keith tried but Shiro had already shuffled out of the room.


	18. Chapter 18

After asking the entire team where Lance was, Keith ended up outside a large door. It was gold with little roses etched into the material to make it more aesthetically pleasing. Keith had never been there before so tentatively pushed the heavy door open, unsure of what he would find.

Green was the first colour Keith noticed and it hit him like a freight train. After blinking multiple times to get his bearings, Keith realised the room appeared to be some sort of garden. Different types of flowers surrounded him in every direction and Keith could recognise most from Earth. Despite this, he could only name a few of the more common Earth flowers such as sunflowers and roses. The others were plants he had seen before but never bothered to learn the names of.

"It's great, isn't it?" Someone- Lance, Keith soon realised- asked out of the blue. Keith swerved around to see the blue paladin was standing next to some tulips, swiping at a tablet in his hands. Keith had never seen the device before.

"Yeah, it's beautiful." Keith murmured, turning back around and leaning forward to sniff one of the red roses.

"I stumbled on this room a while ago and Allura let me revamp the garden. It's really cool actually because the artificial light helps them grow and I can control the intensity on each patch." Lance turned the tablet around to show a series of different shapes across the screen that Keith didn't understand. He stepped towards the blue paladin and thinned his eyes in an attempt to process everything that was going on on the device.

"That doesn't sound that cool."

"I think it's cool because it allows me to grow all different flowers from earth at the same time." Lance was grinning as he spoke, clearly enthusiastic. He pressed a green, circular button that triggered a sprinkler of water to activate over a small section of the flowers.

Keith continued to wander around the room until his eyes laid upon a familiar flower. It was a red carnation, standing proud in a mound of soil. "You grew the carnation you gave me?" A smile spread across Keith's cheeks as he thought about Lance dedicating so much of his time to grow him a specific flower.

"Yup."

"Wow... thank you."

"It isn't that big a deal... I plant and look after flowers whenever I feel homesick. It reminds me so much of home." Lance wiped a tear away from his eye before Keith could notice and question it. They then lapsed into silence as Keith examined the different flowers, leaning forward to smell them every so often. It was Lance who soon broke the silence. "Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot. Shiro wanted me to ask you to be my boyfriend." Keith said as if it was the simplest thing in the world to say. He raised his shoulders in a measly shrug before walking towards the next group of flowers.

Lance's mouth fell open as pinkness blossomed across his cheeks. "Shiro can't be the person controlling your relationships." As much as Lance wanted to be in a relationship with Keith, he couldn't be if Shiro was the only reason they were together. Keith needed to say he liked Lance on his own terms.

"Yeah but I- I don't understand love."

"I'll help you understand," All of a sudden, Lance started to howl with laughter, tears even forming in his eyes. Keith didn't understand why he was laughing but, before he could ask, Lance went on to explain anyway. "Man, that sounds like a cheesy line from a romance movie no one wants to see!"

"It does, doesn't it?" Keith then joined in with the laughter, happy tears pricking in the corners of his eyes. His expression was brighter than the sun as his and Lance's laughter rang through the room.

"So do you want me to be your tour guide to love?" Lance was still chuckling which made it extremely difficult for Keith to decipher whether he was being genuine or not.

"Are you being serious or..?"

Lance's laughter died out completely. It was as if someone had slammed his hand down on the pause button to stop his joyful mood. He dropped his gaze to the floor, shifting his weight from one foot to another as he debated his response. "It depends," He settled on. "Do you want me to be serious?"

Keith blinked, unsure. He made his classic pros and cons list in his head to help him decide.

_Pros: Lance is nice; he could learn more about love..._

_Cons: He could feel uncomfortable or ruin his relationship with Lance..._

"Sure." Keith eventually decided, knowing it was safe to put all of his faith in Lance. He was one of the only people in the entire universe that Keith was willing to trust with his life.

Lance broke out into a wide smile, unable to contain the joy that was spreading throughout his body. "C-Can I kiss you?" The question was a stab in the dark as Lance dared flicker his gaze up to meet Keith's as an attempt to read how the red paladin was feeling. Part of him expected Keith to react negatively and flip out at him but all his response was composed of was a hesitant nod. That was all Lance needed. He shot forward, wrapped his arms around Keith's waist and pressed their lips together. 

It was like Lance was in a dream as he wrapped an arm around Keith's body. He was in his favourite room on the entire Castle with his favourite person and he didn't think things could get any more perfect. Keith's hand gradually trailed up Lance's chest until it was embedded in his hair. He spent an embarrassing amount of time styling it each morning but, at that moment, he refused to allow himself to get angry at his messed up creation.

"So... are we boyfriends now?"

It was Keith's turn to blush as he bashfully stared at his feet. "I guess so." Keith had to admit that the feeling Lance elicited in his stomach was something he could get used to. It made him feel light; as if he was walking on air and it was amazing.

-

Keith was sat on one of the chairs in the Castle's common room, playing with Lance's fingers. He didn't think he would ever get over the softness of Lance's skin: it was something he could bask in for hours on end. Keith's fringe had long since fallen over his face, allowing him to block out his surroundings and sending him into a world of his own. Turning to watch Keith, a fond smile spread across Lance's face. 

"Yuck!" Pidge exclaimed out of nowhere, breaking Lance out of his trance. Keith, however, remained focused on Lance's hands.

"What?" Lance asked, thinning his eyes into a sharp glare.

"You two are making me want to vomit." Pidge snorted but Hunk elbowed her from his seat beside her. 

"Leave them alone," Hunk murmured. "They're cute. Anyway, Lance has liked Keith since the Garrison. Let him make up for all that lost time."

"Hunk!" Lance's face erupted in red, making the yellow paladin laugh.

"You're too sweet." As the door creaked open, each paladin turned their heads to see who it was. Shiro walked in but refused to meet anyone's gaze; only staring at Keith and Lance's conjoined hands.

"Lance, can I speak to you?" He muttered, swallowing thickly.

"Of course..." Lance pulled his hand away from Keith, eliciting a soft sigh from the red paladin. Keith raised the hand to wave at Shiro before letting his eyes flutter shut and leaning his head against the sofa pillow. Lance stood up to follow Shiro out into the hall for privacy.

"How is everything with Keith? Is he okay?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Lance turned to re-enter the room to get Keith but Shiro stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"There's something else." Lance hummed a response, looking up to make eye contact with Shiro. "You need to be careful with him. I know you won't but... don't take advantage of him. Let the relationship move at his preferred pace."

"Okay. I won't hurt-"

"And he may not want to touch you too much in terms of hugs and kisses. You know how he is with bodily contact."

"Yup, I've got-"

"You definitely need to talk to him about sex-"

"Shiro!" Lance's eyes widened and redness spread across his cheeks. "You don't need to worry so much. I love Keith and I'm not going to hurt him. I want him to be okay as much as you do."

"I just- I worry about him."

Lance smiled, laying a gentle hand on Shiro's shoulder to reassure him. "You don't need to. Keith can look after himself."

Shiro was chewing on his bottom lip as if he was on the verge of crying. It was rare that the leader let his guard down and cried so Lance wasn't entirely sure how to react. "I'm so glad he's dating someone like you. You're the best person for him. I can tell you love him."

"I really do. I see you love him a lot too." Shiro took a shaky breath so Lance chose to do what he did best: offer physical contact. He pulled his leader into a hug, wrapping his arms around him and allowing him to melt into the touch. Shiro closed his eyes and buried his head into Lance's neck, happy to know Keith was in a healthy relationship and he didn't need to worry. 

-

It was the middle of the night when the alarms started to blare out. Keith's head jerked up in panic but he was quick to leap out of bed to grab his armour. He changed at a speed comparable to a lightning strike before racing to the hangars. He was about to climb into Red but bumped into someone's chest. "What..?" He murmured, eyes slowly climbing the body to meet soft, blue eyes. "Lance?"

"Oh, right, right..." Lance stumbled back, refusing to meet Keith's gaze.

"What are you doing here?"

Just as Lance opened his mouth to explain, Allura's voice rang through the comms. "Lance, Blue won't open up for me. I think she wants you."

"On my way, princess." Lance raced out of the red hangar, barely wasting a moment to tell Keith he would explain later.


	19. Chapter 19

"Form Voltron!" Shiro yelled, thrusting the controls forward. As his lion jerked ahead, the others followed before retracting into the body parts. Soon enough, Voltron was standing up against a large Galra ship. Each paladin was sweating, breathing heavily as they faced the threat. Just as Shiro was readying himself to yell out another command, an image flickered in each of the lions. It revealed a person each of the paladins knew much too well: Haggar.

"It's good to see you, paladins," An evil smile spread across Haggar's face, reaching right up to her eyes. "Especially you, Keith. How's my little puppet?" Keith's only response was an animalistic growl. He leaned forward in his seat, thinning his eyes into the most venomous glare he could possibly muster. He didn't even know if Haggar could see him or not but he didn't care. "You're adorable."

"Don't talk about Keith like that!" Shiro yelled, clenching his hands into fists. His glare resembled Keith's as fury bubbled through his veins. 

"Come on, Keith," Haggar murmured, ignoring Shiro. "Can't you hear the voices in your head? What are they telling you?" She cocked her head to the side, raising her eyebrows as she watched Keith's reaction. The red paladin couldn't ignore the sharp pain that raced through his head, making him hunch over and scrunch his face up. His head began to pound like a drum as Keith hit his own forehead with clenched up fists. Voices were whispering all around him, bouncing off of the walls of his lions so much that he felt suffocated. He could hear so many words at once that it was difficult for him to tell what they were saying.

"Leave him alone!" It was Lance shouting that time, his voice full of so much fury that one may have assumed he was the villain. His eyes glossed over with a darker colour as he leaned towards in his seat so he could glare at Haggar.

"Staying quiet, huh? I'll tell them then. They're telling you how much you want to kill your friends. Isn't it lovely to imagine Lance with a sword through him again? Shiro with his head chopped off? So beautiful..."

"Keith," Shiro sounded more worried than frustrated that time. "Are you actually hearing voices?"

"Tell him, Keith. They tell you you aren't a worthy paladin. You're worthless. Weak. Too impulsive. You're part Galra which is dangerous... You, Keith, you're dangerous. You are the sole reason Voltron is going to be defeated."

Voices becoming too much, Keith screamed and thrust his controls forward with all of his might. The red lion broke from Voltron, racing forward on its own to attack the ship. The lions were all forced to skew into different directions; each paladin took their turn at yelling his name but he was too far gone to hear. When Lance tapped into the red lion, he saw that Keith hardly resembled himself. His eyes were glowing yellow without any personality behind them. It looked like he was some sort of android who didn't feel any emotion.

It was obvious that Keith was acting purely on impulse as Red shot a series of red lasers towards the ship. When they didn't even dent it, Keith forced Red to land. He leaped out of the lion with his bayard secured in his right hand, running towards a pair of Galran guards with bloodthirst controlling each movement. 

"I see his temper hasn't changed... You'd think I still had control over him." Haggar chuckled as if she saw the entire situation as a joke. It took a few moments before the rest of the team fully processed what was happening and jumped into action. Before they could follow Keith, the Galran ship fired a cannon towards them. The yellow lion froze as Hunk watched the beam race towards him, almost in slow motion.

"Hunk!" Pidge screeched, rushing towards Yellow and crashing into the lion so they could both dodge the hit. "Someone needs to go after Keith before he gets himself killed... The rest of us need to defend the Castle." Shiro was clearly entranced on Haggar so Pidge took her chance to lead, knowing the only way they could survive was if they had a quick enough reaction time.

"I'll go after Keith," Lance jumped at the opportunity, expertly dodging half a dozen beams heading his way. "I'll keep you guys updated."

"Thanks, Lance."

Blue landed so Lance was able to grab his bayard and run. As he raced down the halls, he couldn't help but notice Keith had left a trail of bodies; some had even been decapitated as opposed to just being knocked out. Without a need to fight any Galran shoulders, Lance was able to catch up with Keith without much difficulty.

Lance found him in a large room, standing in front of Haggar. His hands were clenched into fists whilst he breathed as if he had just ran an extensive marathon. His eyes were still glowing a sharp, Galran yellow that almost made him unrecognisable. He looked like a monster; something straight out of a horror movie. Keith let out a longitudinal growl before racing towards Haggar with his bayard secured in his right hand. The witch simply laughed, dodging the swings of Keith's sword.

"He's a monster, blue paladin." Haggar cackled as Lance watched Keith lash out like some sort of animal. "He wants blood. He's just like the Galra. Your enemy."

"I won't let you get in my head!" Lance yelled, raising his bayard in a defensive manner. He expected it to form his usual sniper but, instead, it morphed into a broadsword. He glanced at the weapon, breaths shallow as he took it in. Nausea washed over him as he realised he wasn't as skilled with a close-range weapon; hence why he stuck to the familiarity that was his sniper.

"How cute. You have matching swords."

"Shut up!" It was Lance's turn to race ahead, slashing the sword in Haggar's direction. Predicting the move, she slid out of the way. 

"Keith," Keith turned to face Haggar, body stilling in its actions. He blinked a couple of times, a look of disorientation and confusion washing through him. "Listen to the voices."

The room silenced for a single moment before Keith's head snapped around to face Lance. He looked like he didn't recognise the blue paladin as he bared his teeth to form a growl. He swung his sword at Lance but, luckily, he ducked in time to avoid the hit.

"Keith," Lance tried, keeping his voice as soft as he could whilst dodging a sword. "Keith, listen to me. The voices are lying. I love you so much. I want you to be okay. Haggar is putting all of it in your head, I swear." Lance let out a sharp hiss in pain as Keith's sword caught his arm. It punctured his armour just enough to pierce the skin.

"He won't listen to you. He's too weak to break the spell."

"No, he isn't. Keith's strong and I know it." As Lance let his guard down to talk to Haggar, Keith took advantage of the distraction and tackled him to the ground. Lance's head smashed into the floor which would have been the end for him, had he not been wearing his helmet. Stars and planets danced through his vision for a brief moment before his blinking tamed it back to normal. "Come on, Keith. I know you're in there and you really don't want to hurt me."

"Tell him what you want, Keith."

"I want to kill Lance," Keith spoke in a monotone as if he was stuck in a trance. "I want to stab him and watch him bleed out. I bet he'd look beautiful painted in red."

"You don't mean that!" Lance shouted, rapidly becoming desperate. Tears pricked in his eyes as Keith raised his sword into the air. Lance raised his hands up into the air to shield himself, breath hitching as he realised there wasn't much he could do. Keith wasn't listening to him. Why wasn't he listening to him?

"It will be so nice to see your face whilst you scream at me to stop."

"Keith, listen to yourself! This isn't what you really want. You aren't a monster. You're kind and strong and- and-" Lance screamed, scrunching his eyes shut as Keith pressed the hand that wasn't holding his weapon into Lance's chest. They were both sweating profusely and breathing at a rapid pace, choosing against sparing even a single moment to calm themselves down. 

Lance waited for Keith to finish it. His eyes were still shut; he didn't want to see the sword as it impaled him and took away any chance he had of achieving his dreams. Lance's scream soon fizzled into nothing as he needed to inhale and fill his lungs up again. Why wasn't it hurting? Had Keith not hit him yet? Had Keith stopped? He cracked an eye open just in time to watch Haggar collapse into a heap on the ground behind them. Shiro was standing beside the witch, heaving as his arm glowed a vibrant purple.

Yellow faded from Keith's irises again as he tried to process everything that was going on around him. Once he realised he had Lance pinned down, he threw his bayard as far away from him as possible so he couldn't do any more damage. He rolled himself off of his friend before letting out a strangled cry. "What have I done? I'm- I'm so sorry..." Keith buried his head into his hands as sobs shook his body, not wanting to face the team he had betrayed again.

"Hey, hey..." Lance murmured, pulling himself into a sitting position and taking in a deep breath. He didn't have time to comprehend the shock of almost dying whilst he favoured comforting Keith down. "I'm okay. You didn't hurt me." He tried to shuffle towards Keith but the red paladin moved away, waving his hands in front of him.

"Get away from me! I- I'm a monster!" Tears streamed down Keith's face, blurring his vision and making it difficult for him to distinguish between Shiro and Lance. They were both similar blurry blobs in front of him.

"No, you're not. You're Keith."

"I almost killed you again..."

"But you didn't." Keith sniffed, wiping his eyes with a clenched fist. Lance held out his hand as a silent offering for Keith to take but it only hovered in the air. Staring at it for a long moment, Keith blinked and forced himself to back away from Lance further.

"Keith..." Keith jolted his head around to look at Shiro as if he had just noticed he was there. "Have you been hearing voices since Red and Lance brought you back to life?"

Keith shook his head so much that it was a surprise he wasn't making himself dizzy, eyebrows furrowed. "It only started when I saw Haggar earlier. I don't know why..."

"Maybe it's her," Lance pointed out with a nonchalant shrug. "Maybe she was able to plant shit in your head because she's close to you."

"That makes sense..." Shiro trailed off as Pidge and Hunk burst into the room, weapons poised as they expected another fight. They seemed shocked to find the room was almost peaceful with how quiet it was so dropped their hands back down to their sides.

"Is everyone okay?" Hunk asked before scanning the room for any signs of a threat. His eyes laid upon the witch who was clearly unconscious as her body lay limp and her eyes were closed. "You killed Haggar?!"

"Knocked her out. I'm not sure how long we have until she wakes up." Shiro glanced at Haggar's form with a frown across his face, knowing he was responsible for her condition.

"Should we finish the job?" Each paladin turned to Shiro for a command. He chewed on his bottom lip for a short moment before nodding slowly. No one made the effort to move so Shiro eventually stepped forward.

He made it as quick and as painless as possible whilst the others looked away. In his heart, he knew he was saving potentially thousands of lives by killing the witch but his mind kept telling him that it was an inhumane thing to do. He wasn't meant to kill. As the black paladin of Voltron, Shiro was meant to save lives; not take them.

-

"What was that back then?" Keith asked, stepping inside Lance's room and raising his eyebrows out of curiosity.

"What?" Lance questioned, clearly not able to read Keith's mind.

"Why were you trying to get into Red back in the hangars?" 

"Oh," Knowing the conversation was going to be complicated for both of them, Lance tapped the space beside him on the bed. Keith swallowed, eyes flickering to the spot multiple times before he finally decided to sit down. "Whilst you... you know-"

"I know what?"

"When you ran off to the Galra. We needed someone to fly Red."

"Yeah?"

Lance huffed, beginning to fiddle with his hands in his lap. Upon noticing the nervous tick, Keith reached over and laced their hands together to stop him from moving too much. "Allura tried but Red refused to let her in."

"Oh."

"Yeah... Blue wouldn't let me in either but Allura had an idea. I ended up flying Red and she flew Blue."

Keith blinked, dropping his gaze to his lap as the cogs turned in his head. He wasn't entirely sure how to react to such a statement, especially once it settled in that Voltron was able to function without him. "So... what you're saying is that I'm insignificant?"

Lance shook his head, shifting his body so he could properly look at Keith. "We were a mess. Allura isn't meant to fly Blue and I'm not meant to fly Red. My armour's blue, Keith. I'm the blue paladin. We couldn't even form Voltron."

"So I'm important?"

"Not just important," Lance squeezed Keith's hand to reassure him. "You're vital."


	20. Chapter 20

The universe wasn't prepared to wait for the paladins to recover from the shock involved in defeating an evil witch so things carried on as usual. Keith continued with his routine, getting up in the early hours so he could train on his own before the others woke up. A single day after the victory, Keith was standing in the training room, fully clad in his paladin armour whilst wielding his sword. He had sweat dripping down his forehead as he swerved to the right to dodge the attack of one of the bots. He swung his sword forward to hit the enemy, slashing through its body so that it faded into nothing: defeated. Not sparing a moment to breathe and bask into the victory, Keith yelled out for the next level to start.

Once the bot had formed in front of him, wielding its own broadsword, he raced forward to attack. Their weapons smashed into each other, ringing a loud shing through the air. Keith grunted before racing ahead a second time, bending down slightly to slash at the bots legs. As the robot hadn't seen it coming, the sword came in contact with its armour and it fizzled into nothing.

"End training sequence." A voice said and Keith was well aware that it didn't belong to him. He swerved around to see Pidge standing by the door with a tablet in her arms, eyebrows raised as the impression at Keith's fighting skills lingered.

"Why'd you stop it? I was going to beat my record." Keith mumbled, dropping his arms down to his side but not retracting his bayard. The sword hung down passed his knee; heavy to anyone who hadn't trained with it before.

"Allura wanted me to make some edits to the system. To do so, no one can be training. It's kind of a hazard when I'm distracted with coding."

"Oh, okay." Keith lifted his arm up to retract the bayard but he didn't miss Pidge's tiny flinch. It was so small that he would have missed it if he blinked but he had definitely seen it. "Pidge, I-" He started, though he had no idea how to approach such a situation. He had never been very good at comforting people and he didn't think it would be a skill he ever acquired.

"Sorry. I- I have to code this before Allura gets on my case about wasting time." She sent Keith a wide, bashful smile. Keith couldn't tell whether it was genuine or not but he assumed it wasn't based on Pidge's previous reaction.

"Are... Are you scared of me?" The question went unanswered: Pidge had put her headphones on and hadn't even heard it. The green paladin's eyes thinned as she started to type some things on the screen whilst biting her bottom lip in concentration.

-

Raising his clenched fist, Keith knocked on Shiro's door. He stepped back and waited until the door flew open to invite him inside the room. Shiro was sat on his bed with a book in his hands, the cover torn and frayed as if he had read through it a million times. As Keith got closer, he realised the writing wasn't even in English; instead it was composed of a series of different symbols. It took an embarrassingly long moment for it to click in Keith's brain that it was Altean. "I didn't know you knew Altean?" Keith murmured, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice that Shiro had never spoken to him about it. Once upon a time, they would have told each other everything.

"Allura has been teaching me. I'm really rusty on it but I'm getting there." Shiro replied, closing the book and placing it onto his bedside table.

"How come you never told me?"

"I've only started learning recently since... since everything that happened with you. Allura suggested that it might help distract me from it all." Shiro pursed his lips and nodded, feeling awkward around Keith for the first time since they first met.

"Oh... Are we... Are we okay?"

Shiro's gaze flickered up to meet Keith's before diverting away again. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"I feel like you've been ignoring me or something. I haven't sat down and talked to you in a while. I- I miss it."

"It was just something you said," Shiro admitted, picking at a loose thread in his trousers to avoid making eye contact with Keith. "You told me you thought I was clingy and you didn't like how I always looked out for you." Keith's mouth fell open as he stared at Shiro, unsure as to how to react to such a statement.

"I didn't say that. Haggar was getting all up in my head and you know that."

"Are you sure there wasn't an element of truth to it though? I do follow you around a lot and it must get annoying... I know you can look after yourself but I worry about you so much."

"It isn't annoying. I like it. You're my big brother so it is your responsibility to look out for me." Shiro craned his head up and couldn't help the smile tugging at his lips once he saw Keith's serious expression. His eyebrows were raised and his lips were pursed: he was genuinely worried about Shiro's feelings.

"You like to think I'm your big brother?"

"Of course I do, Shiro. I don't have any real family so I need people to stand in like you."

"I'm so glad. It had been worrying me since you said it. Is it alright if I hug you?" As Keith nodded, Shiro shot forward and pulled him into an embrace. Melting into the touch and burying his head into Shiro's neck, Keith felt more at home than ever before.

-

"You alright?" Lance questioned, nudging Keith's side. The red paladin looked like he was mentally in another world with glazed eyes and furrowed eyebrows. They were both sat around the table in the Castle's dining room, waiting for their dinner. It had been a few weeks since the encounter with Haggar and each paladin had been recovering from their own emotional turmoil. For the most part, the paladins were back to their usual selves.

Keith turned to Lance, confusion washing over him for a brief moment. "Oh, yeah. Just thinking..."

"About what?"

"Everything that has happened recently..." Lance let out a gentle sigh before intertwining their hands beneath the table. He knew Keith had the potential to run thoughts through his head constantly in an almost obsessive manner. Keith could dwell on something that most people saw as insignificant for days upon days until it tore him apart.

"It wasn't your fault."

"I know but-" Keith was cut off as Hunk entered the kitchen with two plates in his hands. He placed them in front of Allura and Coran who were quick to thank him before picking up their cutlery. He then disappeared into the kitchen a few more times before everyone had their own steaming meals in front of them. Pidge had pizza, full of vegetables of each colour of the rainbow whilst Lance had something that weakly resembled his favourite dish from back home: _ropa vieja_. Just looking at the food was enough to make him tear up and have to look away before thoughts of his family back in Cuba took over his mind. Allura and Coran had some sort of spaghetti that was a funky green colour; Shiro had something that resembled a risotto and Keith had noodles with different crunchy vegetables mixed into it. They each dug into their food and released a collective sigh full of satisfaction.

"Is it alright?" Hunk asked, glancing around the room at everyone's faces. His eyebrows were raised as if he was anticipating a negative response.

"It's perfect!" Lance spoke up with a mouthful, tears still glistening in his eyes.

"I love it." Shiro murmured, taking the time to swallow so he didn't have to speak with food in his mouth.

"Fantastic as usual." Pidge sent Hunk a wide grin before lifting up a piece of pizza and taking a bite. She let out a satisfied sigh as she chewed on it and basked in the different flavours.

Keith didn't respond because he was too engrossed in his food. Each time his teeth crunched something, a smile tugged at his lips.

Despite being powerful defenders of the universe, it was still the simple things that satisfied them. Keith enjoyed crunchy food and routine; Pidge her technology; Shiro and Coran the team (who they referred to as their family) and Lance... Lance was just happy to see everyone else happy.

"Can I ask you guys something?" Keith said out of the blue after finishing a bite of his meal. He refused to make eye contact but that wasn't at all concerning: they all knew eye contact made Keith uncomfortable. "Do... Do you blame me for everything we went through? I know Lance doesn't but... you guys flinch around me sometimes..."

Lance intertwined their hands again as Shiro spoke up. "Of course not. It isn't your fault that Haggar got into your mind. I'm just glad that you're still here with us after everything."

"I don't blame you either." Pidge then replied; it was followed by hums of agreement from the other paladins.

"I think we should raise a toast," Shiro grinned as he held up his mug of the Altean equivalent of tea. "To Team Voltron for fighting difficult battles and making it out alive."

"Most of the time." Lance murmured beneath his breath so only those beside him could make out his words. Keith and Shiro muffled their laughter by covering their mouths with their hands. Lance grinned to emphasise his amusement at his own joke.

Everyone clinked their glasses, Coran even going as far as to lean all the way across the table to hit Allura's cup. That inevitably resulted in the liquid spilling across the table but it was worth it to make the team laugh.

"To Team Voltron!" The entire team cheered before taking sips of their drinks together, smiles on each of their faces.

Despite everything they had been through, they could still see the light at the end of the road. Each of the difficulties they had surpassed had only strengthened their bonds and made them a closer family. Lance slung an arm around Keith's shoulder, making the red paladin briefly tense up but soon relax into the touch. Lance then leaned forward and murmured, "Look how far we've come." The others didn't even need to hear his whisper because they were all thinking the same thing.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter :) I'm not sure when I'll next update so until then- whenever then is- I hope you're doing good!
> 
> As always, if you have any criticism, don't be afraid to comment! I appreciate any feedback I can get ^-^


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